Today, from John Hagner, DSCC Field Director.
— Which, I wonder: does that title come with, like, a steel helmet, a wee riding crop, and some knee-high military boots?
Jeff,
This election is a dead heat. With the most critical FEC fundraising deadline of the year only days away, here are the latest numbers:
***POLLING UPDATE***
***FEC Deadline in 7 days***
President Obama 46 Mitt Romney 44
Elizabeth Warren (D) 45 Scott Brown (R) 43
Tim Kaine (D) 44 George Allen (R) 43The GOP has closed the gap, and they’re doing it with endless Super PAC funds. I don’t trust Karl Rove, but he nailed it when he said, “A couple a million dollars of unanswered TV does wonders.”
If we can’t raise $1.4 million before the June 30 deadline, we can brace ourselves for four years of President Romney.
The FEC deadline is in only 7 days. If we don’t answer Rove, we’ll lose in November.
You have a choice. Either say, we’ll never match Rove, and let the GOP rip into President Obama and Democratic candidates. Or, unite behind Democrats and fight.
You’ve only got 7 days left. Can you give $5?
Let’s fight,
John Hagner
DSCC Field Director
I decided to leave aside the rather dubious polling data and instead dig right in. Because I’m nothing if not a fighter — and John was calling me out. Shit or get off the pot, Jeff, he was saying. And I like it on the pot. So:
Dearest John —
I’m in! Because I’m a fighter!
So here’s what you do: Take some of my food stamps and sell them for me on the black market (or, in a pinch, Craig’s List), and then do what you have to with the money to help make sure the President is re-elected and we get nothing but social justice candidates in Congress.
Also, don’t worry about me: I’m undocumented (though please pass my thanks on to the President with respect to the amnesty offer!), and I’ve found that my not having any official documentation allows me to set up a whole host of different government assistance accounts under a bunch of fake identities. So I won’t suffer for smokes, booze, or delicious grilling meats.
Go get ’em, Tiger! Just remember me come 2013!
Sincerely,
Jeff
c/o your base
The information gleaned from supporters’ online habits or from canvassers’ visits and calls is fed back into the campaign’s database, to hone its sales pitch even more.
To keep flightier visitors interested, the campaign uses gimmicky branded goods—from Obama 2012 nail polish to dog bowls
http://www.economist.com/node/21552590
What can really do wonders are manned main battle tanks sitting in the middle of every critical intersection of town. And if we’re to think those don’t cost a pretty penny to put there, stocked up with vittles, fuel and ammo, we’re dreaming.
It’s the fuel that’s really a problem for those tanks. Luckily, they will run on pretty much anything.
I doubt they’d have to use the main guns more than a few times before we got the message about who’s in charge.
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Is Rove involved in Willard’s campaign? For a crew using Forward! as their slogan, they sure seem to spend a lot of time in the past.
Jeff,
You should use the food stamps to stock an illegal unlicensed taco truck staffed with undocumented aliens. Let their underage kids come along and work for free. Dump the grease and wastewater down the storm drains late at night.
Turn your food stamps into a tax free cash cow (or chicken or pork or goat)
I’m glad I’m not the only one who makes these kinds of replies to campaign letters.
Go Jeff!
“It’s the fuel that’s really a problem for those tanks. Luckily, they will run on pretty much anything.”
Tanks are no longer the kings of urban control. IED’s did a lot to ruin the image of the tank as the iron boot of authoritarianism. if the Soviet tanks rolled into former Czechoslovakia today quite a few of them might not be able to roll back out. MRAPS protect the crew in a blast but they are still nuetralized as a support option when they hit most anti-armor mines. Pickup trucks with a grenade machine gun or a .762 machine gun and some 1/2″ steel panel cupola armoring are far cheaper, and don’t tear the streets up, and send the same message.
I meant to say former Soviet tanks. I denounce myself.
Toyota pick-ups are the vehicle of choice of your average terrorist.
I think you should have used an (/s) sarc off tag at the end as he may think your letter is genuine.
Oh and to update you with the 21st century method of handing out the bread part of Bread and Circuses; food stamps are no longer stamps.
You now get a card that works the same as a debit or credit card and when you “pay” you swipe that card.
This way the bankers get a bigger cut of the people’s largesse.
Oh, for the record; I dislike those screen area stealing widgets that every blog and website seems to think they have to have that impose an unwanted or unneeded toolbar that takes away from the amount of the web page that I can see.
Browsers already steal far more of a web page than necessary as it is (almost a quarter in some cases depending on screen resolution and how the app is sized) and I resent the eminent domain like taking of my screen property without my permission.
I don’t mind the ones I can turn off but it seems yours doesn’t come with that option.
It’s a minor quibble but I thought I would make it anyway in case you were just experimenting and gauging reactions.
Log mine in as a; NO THANKS.
(there are other ways of doing this. If this has been imposed ON YOU by WordPress through an update then I’m sorry for bringing it up. Maybe there’s a control for you to modify it or remove it?)
A .762 machine gun would be awesome but I think it would unbalance a standard pickup when it was fired at any off center line angle.
(I know you meant 7.62 but the idea of a machine gun that large took my fancy. That’s about 20mm and they’re called CANNON for a reason.) :)
Not so. “7.62” is a .308″ bore diameter expressed in millimeters. So a .762 mm would be firing rounds about .0308″ in diameter, the size of straight pins. Frightening I know.
Yeah I flubbed the decimal point and invented a sci-fi needler weapon. I do that all the time.
I think jcw46 was positing that “.762” was an inch-based caliber. Without “mm” attached that would be my first reaction…
So it’s nice of David Axelrod to just come out and say he thinks the large heap of mushy republicans are slaves, and by implication the more conservative sorts are slavemasters. They should appreciate the observation anyhow.
axeldude is recycling baracky’s lincoln material