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“Catch and Release for Low-Priority Illegals Proposed”

Like certain tiny fish, almost. Because in this new United States of The Law is What We Decree It to Be, illegally entering the country — to compete off-book for jobs that don’t even exist in adequate numbers for younger Americans — is no longer a dealbreaker for a potential Obama voter. Or most Mexican National Team soccer fans.

Still, we need to at least make an attempt to appear interested in either enforcing our laws or else doing something else productive to justify refusing to detain noble “undocumented peoples” who just wish to pick our lettuce, fight for our country, and yearn for the kind of liberty one can only find when one sequesters oneself in little Spanish-speaking-only communities. So here’s my counter proposal: we set them back into the wild, yes; but first we tag them — with, like, some little laser tag or else an implanted chip — so that we can track their movements and learn their wilderness habits. For the SCIENCE!

Plus, I hear these types have an innate ability to hammer roof tiles and lay drywall that Americans either don’t have or won’t use. And the country needs roof tiles hammered and drywall laid. So, in a pinch, we can just track one of these sneaky little fuckers down and pay him to fix our shit, then release him once again back into the wild.

Win win!

32 Replies to ““Catch and Release for Low-Priority Illegals Proposed””

  1. Squid says:

    I think the tax compliance should be enforced just as strictly as border protection and immigration. Can we see the memo where IRS is encouraged to “focus on the bigger issues” as we all ignore inconvenient tax rules?

  2. leigh says:

    Child of building contractor here. You do not hammer roofing tiles as they are made of tile and would shatter. Dry wall is hung, taped and plastered. Flooring is laid. Both are bottom dwellers of the building trade jobs and tend to churn new hires as they are both exhausting and not very rewarding jobs.

    Other than that, well done.

  3. sdferr says:

    Kaus takes a look.

    1) The decree doesn’t just apply to illegal immigrants who were “brought to this country by their parents.” It also would give work permits to those who snuck across the border by themselves as teenagers. “Through no fault of their own” is a talking point for DREAM proselytizers, not an actual legal requirement. 2) The same goes for the phrase “and know only this country as home.” That’s a highly imaginative riff on the decree’s actual requirement, which is for 5 years “continuous residence.” It turns out “continuous residence” doesn’t mean what you think it means.

  4. Ernst Schreiber says:

    pedentry is my schtick, leigh

    get back on you’re own side of the river, fucking squatter

  5. Ernst Schreiber says:

    you can tell I’m serious because of teh grammar

  6. leigh says:

    Sorry, Ernst. You weren’t here and I forgot myself.

  7. If you are going to go all ee cummings on us, shouldn’t you consider dropping the spaces between words as well? After all, all that space is white and you don’t want to be accused of being a racist, do you?

  8. RI Red says:

    Sometime this last year we concluded that, since O now has a record on which he cannot run, he would instead baffle us with bullshit and delude us with distraction. So, in a flavor-of-the-week approach we see and expect “social issues” to be rolled out for consumption.
    War on Women. Contraception. War on the Catholic Church. War on George Zimmerman. Same Sex Stuff (“Garriage”, Happy. You never explained why that just wouldn’t do). War on Wealth. Now, back-door amnesty.
    So, driving along this afternoon, I was wondering what was next. But Rush beat me to it – mortgage forgiveness and student loan forgiveness. Anyone else have a list of more flavors-of-the-week to expect?

  9. B Moe says:

    How can you tell they are low priority if you don’t profile them?

    Huh? HUH!?

  10. BT says:

    I can’t speak for all hispanic laborers, but the hispanic laborers i observed did in fact finish a good hour ahead of the anglo crew installing shingles (which if memory serves requires nailing) on the adjoining house. I did not inquire as to their residency status so i can’t vouch for their legal qualifications to perform roofing jobs within the sovereign borders of the United States.

    If they were illegal or legal it doesn’t change the fact that in this particular neighborhood and on that particular job, this hispanic crew out performed that anglo crew.

    No other warranties are expressed or implied in my restating my observations. All i can add is i saw what i saw.

  11. Jeff G. says:

    I can’t speak for all hispanic laborers, but the hispanic laborers i observed did in fact finish a good hour ahead of the anglo crew installing shingles (which if memory serves requires nailing) on the adjoining house. I did not inquire as to their residency status so i can’t vouch for their legal qualifications to perform roofing jobs within the sovereign borders of the United States.

    If they were illegal or legal it doesn’t change the fact that in this particular neighborhood and on that particular job, this hispanic crew out performed that anglo crew.

    No other warranties are expressed or implied in my restating my observations. All i can add is i saw what i saw.

    And?

  12. B Moe says:

    I think you guys are looking at this all wrong, I mean, think of the precedent this sets and think of all the cool shit we can do when we get our guy in there.

    Oh wait, our guys Romney.

    Fuck.

  13. newrouter says:

    think of all the cool shit we can do when we get our guy in there.

    hooray hoagies from wawa

  14. palaeomerus says:

    Hmm. No space tits in this thread.

  15. BT says:

    “And?”

    I certainly wouldn’t want my observation being misconstrued as an endorsement of the Obama end run on the Dream Act.

  16. Jeff G. says:

    Your observation was presumably offered in service of some point. Therefore, consider that it has been construed as servicing that point to which it was offered as anecdotally relevant.

  17. BT says:

    My observation of the Latino workers was offered in the same spirit as my one word post simply stating amen to a post by Abe. That was the context. That was the spirit. That was the intent.

  18. Jeff G. says:

    Excellent. Then no need for the belated defensiveness.

  19. newrouter says:

    but the hispanic laborers i observed did in fact finish a good hour ahead of the anglo crew installing shingles

    yea well maybe they cut corners on the job so your anecdote is useless unless you can provide an analysis of the quality of the two roofing jobs.

  20. leigh says:

    You’re thinking of Gypsies, nr. Don’t take anyone up on that offer to pave your driveway cheap.

    Just sayin’.

  21. Jeff G. says:

    Quiet, nr. You’re insulting the best of peoples with your racist xenophobic anti-yearningtobefree innuendo.

    Face it: they just work harder. Which is why Mexico is the economic engine of the world, and the US is, well, what it is. Also, don’t confuse the glorious Latinized people with filthy Gypsies.

    We should be happy these noble hard working supermen are coming here to save us from ourselves.

  22. B Moe says:

    Face it: they just work harder. Which is why Mexico is the economic engine of the world, and the US is, well, what it is.

    By and large, they do work harder. And they show up everyday and on time. Which proves that contrary to the union bullshit “the working man” really don’t have much to do with a countries success.

  23. newrouter says:

    sorry got burned on a ro0fing job last year. they worked really fast too.

  24. BT says:

    nr I guess if i see the same crew in the neighborhood, then their general contractor was satisfied with their work. Repeat orders being the key to good business and all.

  25. newrouter says:

    Repeat orders being the key to good business and all.

    yea ok. may not be good for the customer. rain and time will tell.

  26. sdferr says:

    Rain, wind direction, wind speed, freezing temps, ice dams and on and on. Tricksy business, roofing.

  27. palaeomerus says:

    ” By and large, they do work harder. ”

    Yeah the guy who gets the bid usually works quite a bit harder than the guy who misses it. By and large.

  28. bour3 says:

    So when you were being all pedantic about construction I was thinking, that’s quite good, those nails were shot out of a gun. Blam blam blam blam blam and so on, a lot more blams, for like an hour. And then you got to the part about the floor is laid and I’m going, “I thought lain.” That gets me every time. Every single time. So that forced my brain to try that conjugation thing that is bolloxed to begin for lay vs lie and goes like this [ ? ? ? ? ] is that showing? It is arrows going all over the place. That’s what my brain does with lay vs lie. But it turns out you are right up there. flooring is laid. I think.

  29. leigh says:

    I left out the part about wallboard being mudded, too.

  30. sdferr says:

    We always just said taped and finished. But we did talk about mud, like, “Hey, newbie, fetch me that bucket of mud over there, will ya?”

  31. leigh says:

    Heh.

    Wallboard is a bitch, but it beats the old lath and plaster my gramps used to talk about.

  32. sdferr says:

    Beats, I don’t know. I started in the business as a lather just as the trade was dying out to the prevalence of sheetrock. Lath and plaster is good stuff for lasting when it’s done well, as well as a tad more satisfying in the accomplishment. But pricey, thereby.

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