1. Thanks so much to Mac for the Kinji Fukasaku Yakuza flicks. These films influenced a lot of important American actioners of the ‘70s, an epochal genre that includes some of my favorite films (eg. Friedkin’s The French Connection, or Don Siegel’s Dirty Harry); sincere thanks also to PATRICK SENNETT [whom I confused with the actor Jack Thompson] for The Masterworks Edition of Breaker Morant—a film I haven’t yet seen because I’ve been waiting for somebody to remaster it for DVD. Well, they finally did, and PATRICK SENNETT was generous enough to send it to me [profuse apologies for the mix-up, Patrick]; and finally, thanks to Jeff Blehar, whom having studied my sensibilities sends along the DVD of Michael Crichton’s Westworld, one of the most important films from the genre of 70s sci-fi fantasy / dsystopics, and one of my guilty pleasures.
2. No man wants to be objectified. Until he isn’t. protein wisdom: 1/3 as funny as Scrappleface, and not quite as babe-worthy as Jason Coleman. Quite a legacy I’m building here…
3. The Jewish Israeli Blog Awards only saw fit to nominate me for one category—Best Humor Blog—a contest in which I am trailing, though I suppose that’s to be expected. After all, if these so-called chosen people can’t appreciate the value of protein wisdom above and beyond its occasional humorous digressions, than I don’t expect they’re capable of appreciating the intellectual subtleties of its humor, either. For instance, a toasted english muffin eschewing the chugging of little boy cock? Understated genius!
4. Who was the first person to look at a squid and say, “hey, I think I’ll gut that thing, slice its flesh into rings, bread it, deep fry it, and serve it with lemon, parsley, and maybe some marinara sauce?” Because s/he deserves a shrine. Or at the very least, a ribbon of some sort.
You should have used the Cat Stevens shot, not the andy worhal one. You would have won easily!!!
Re: the squid. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “hey, I’m gonna grab those dangly things on that big balloon and drink the first thing I squeeze out of it?” Or similarly, the chicken: “I think I’ll grab that bird by the neck and eat the first thing that pops out of its butt?”
These are important questions.
“You should have used the Cat Stevens shot, not the andy worhal one. You would have won easily!!!”
That’s the one they used. But it just didn’t make the grade.
Here’s a joke that should put your over in the Jewish blog shtick:
A Russian teacher asks her first grade students to tell the class what nationality they are.
Sasha raises her hand & says “Russian.”
Teacher: “Very good Sasha.”
Arnan raises his hand & says “Armenian.”
“Very good Arnan.”
Lukba raises her hand & says “Ukrainian.”
“Very good Lubka.”
Then Dima raises his hand & says “Jewish.”
“What a shame,” the teacher tsks, “so young & already a Jew.”
Two things Jeff:
1)The French Connection is one of my top ten favorite movies. That was back before Gene Hackman kept playing the same annoying characterless part in every movie.
2)Don’t think all calamari is the same. My husband works in the pork industry. Just be sure that if you are ordering it in a restaurant to ask that it is squid calamari. There are other versions that the restaurant uses to save money and isn’t required to tell its customers (think chewy, squeaky leftover parts of hogs).
OK, so I took a look at the blog currently in first place for Best Humor Blog: My Urban Kvetch. Know what I couldn’t help but notice? No humor.
None.
Unless you count a Dawson’s creek joke. Well, really more of a reference. Speicifically that it “sucks.” So not so much then.
Well, I bet Satch still loves you.
Jeff:
Are you saying that you have never seen Breaker Morant before? And that you have been waiting for the dvd version since 1980? And last, but not least, the actor Jack Thompson sent it to you???
I have never seen Breaker Morant, but I’ve only been waiting for the DVD for a year, after I got interested in the film but read a review of the old DVD version that was less than complimentary. So I decided to wait for the Masterworks Edition.
I don’t know the profession of the Mr. Thompson’s who sent me the DVD.
Oh, sure! Put down my version, Mr. FancyPants Masterworks! Great movie. The defense attorney went home, wrote the book, and I believe became a recluse. As you probably already know, Jack Thompson played the role in the film. Enjoy.
1.) Breaker Morant is a great movie, and is written, directed, and acted in a mold which seems to have been shattered twenty or so years ago. It’s the British Paths of Glory, and I mean that as high praise indeed.
2.) I’ve always felt somewhat ambivalent about The French Connection. On the one hand, I think that nearly every major role that Gene Hackman played in the 1970s is worthy of consideration in its own right, and he plays Popeye Doyle as an antihero who tips the balance properly towards the “hero” and away from the “anti-.” (Your grouping of Friedkin’s The French Connection with Siegel’s Dirty Harry shows that you clearly classify them along this criterion as well.) On the other hand…I still think the best thing about the film is the car chase. Oh, and shooting that punk in the back. The gallic drug-smuggler scum.
3.) I really hope you enjoy Westworld, Jeff. I chose it off of your list both because it you labelled it as a “must-have” and because…well, it just seemed like a very “Protein Wisdom” sort of a movie. If any 70’s Michael Crichton screenplay/novel would be a PW fav., it’s definitely this one over The Andromeda Strain.
Folks, I can’t recommend it highly enough: when you feel like you really want to thank Jeff “Emmanuel” Goldstein for his great blog work, consider hitting the Amazon wishlist instead of the tipjar! (I need to start a well-trafficked blog if only to get people to buy me DVDs and those import reissues of The Fall’s classic early albums. Hex Enduction Hour Deluxe 2-CD reissue, HERE I COME!)
Squid is far better grilled. None of that breaded shit.
My wife actually watched me eat calamari once and still doesn’t believe it.
Dude, the squid thing? That was totally me. I’ll drop you a line with the address where you can send my ribbon.
Please give us a review of those Yakuza flicks when you’ve digested them. I’m ‘specially interested in your thoughts about Japanese and North American directors’ influence on each other.
Jason Coleman – well Soylent Green IS people.
It appears that you are in the lead in said JIBA contest. PW rules!
Calamari! Mmmmm good. I used to have a theory that calamari got better the further South you could find it. There realy WAS some awesome calamari on the Baha and in San Diego – your pretty much can’t go wrong any place that serves it. But it’s gotten better all along the West Coast in the last couple of decades. Daniel’s Broiler in Bellevue and Seattle WA has the best fried ‘hair-teeth-and-eyes’ style. Dukes has the best steak strips fried style. For a calamri steak in these parts check out the 24 hour 13 Coins restaurant by the airport – lemon and white wine sauce is perfecto. In Las Vegas try the Joy Luck restaurant in China Town – West out Spring about 2 miles – they have these ‘flat’ steak strips that are quite yummy. Best calamari of all time? In my book – there was a little Italian resaurant in San Juan Batista, California – a little ways South of San Jose – called Cattamatories (sp?). This is in the garlic farm area of California (Gilroy and Hollister). These folks served a calamari steak that lopped over both sides of a 12 inch plate – plus it was about 3/8” thick calamari topped with 3/8” thick of fresh garlic – topped with a lemon and white wine sauce, Mmmmmmm-mmmm. Thing about it was that when they opened the kitchen door to bring you the plate – the garlic would hit your eyes and your nose and it was nearly overwhelming – you had to get used to it. Alas, they went out of business when the folks passed away and the kids fought over the assets. Good memories though. I regularly go on calamari steak hunts while I’m traveling. Would love to hear recommendations.
Washington DC calamari. Pesce. Lightly breaded, deep fried just long enough to make it sing the tender and crisp song. Never ever chewy. Never ever over-breaded. I’d almost fly back to have a plate of it. Mmmmmm.
McGhee ate a calamari. Snort. Someone else run with that. Please.
Jealous?
Am I the only one who just thinks Scrappleface isn’t all that funny? Sure, it is occasionally wry satire, but if we’re talking laughs, it just doesn’t do it for me.
Not trailin’ no more, kemosabe…
spambuster word: higher
Excelsior!
McGehee just didn’t tell us that it was at that Denny’s in Timbiktu Alaska – somewhere North of the Artic Circle – that he had that calamari.
Frozen is what he thought the way it should be served.
Could have been bait.
The Artic Circle is actually farther North of the Arctic Circle – it’s so much colder that they drop a letter to spell faster.
The Arctic Circle is based in Salt Lake City, and they don’t serve calamari-cicles the way I like them.
Only Denny’s.
Calamari! Mormon style!
Is that one male squid per a group of females? Or are squids asexual? Anyone know? And what’s a group of squids anyway? A squish?
I also forgot to mention in my culinary post above (and thanks for the Pesce recommendation Ana!) my visit to an Eka house in Oita Japan a year or so ago. It has to rank as the weirdest calimari meal – and close to most memorable.
Everything squid. 7 courses of everything squid. They don’t know ‘calamari there’ – it’s just eka: squid.
Started with an egg custard with bits of squid in it – good. Along with a bit of salad greens with strips of raw squid – good too.
Second course was buckwheat noodles – made with squid ink and covered with a sauce made with squid ink. Color was offputting but tasted good.
Next was a live little fella – maybe a two pound squid that had been neatly sashimied all along the sides – but his exposed eye and tentacles were pretty active. Jeff talks to apples, hoods, and scissors and such – I talked to a squid for a bit. I let him know that I was really sorry for him – but that he tasted really good and I would keep his memory alive – or something like that. We chowed on him for about half an hour and then the service folks just came and whisked him away – seemed like there was still a lot left.
Then a small dish of squid sashimi in a rice vinegar brine – almost like ceviche in texture – good.
I think there was another round of noodels – or maybe we just went back to them.
Then – surprise – what was left of our sashimi live squid suddenly reappeared as tempura battered and fried! Most delicious part of the meal – can’t get much fresher than just twitchin’.
Finally topped off with squid cheesecake (I kid you not – but just think of bits of squid mixed with riccota – no sugar) smothered with a squid ink corn syrup flavored sauce. I got it down.
Next time I head off to Japan – if you want to go – I’ll treat at the Eka house…
I shared this because I promised a squid.
And what’s a group of squids anyway? A squish?
I’m pretty sure a group of squids is called an ACLU.
No no no! A group of squids is called the U.S. Navy!
Breaker Morant is also one of my top ten favorites.
MC- yeah, umm, the reason that the calamari got better “the farther south you go” is because you’re eating much farther south than you know. Southern calamri isn’t squid, rather it’s the bunghole of a pig. So, I’d watch that requirement of Calamari having to be in circles, McGehee.
So far as objectification goes, I can’t decide what the photo behind the “contact” button resembles more: Harlan Ellison or the lead guy from The Knack.
As for humor, don’t worry! You’ve always been among my first stops for news of the weird.
Speaking of Doug Fieger, see what former stars do for money when the studios stop calling.
(Brautigan)