me: “So. You’re Senator Byrd’s infamous Kleagle hood, eh? You’re even pointier than I expected.”

hood:

me: “Right. So tell me, is it true that Senator Byrd’s favorite snacking food is ‘cornpone’? Because I have it on good authority that the Senator is a cornpone fiend.”

hood:

me: “– Which, what exactly is cornpone, anyway? Is it like a, y’know, a corn bread, or something….?”

hood:

me: “…Or is it more like, say, a polenta?”

hood:

me: “Whatever, we’ll come back to that. Let me ask you this: to your knowledge, has Senator Byrd ever engaged in sexual activity with members of any of the so-called ‘mongrel races’?”

hood:

me: ” — You know, Charleston street hookers, Asian escorts, Mexicali party girls, Haitian voodoo priestesses, Jews, that sorta thing?”

hood:

me: “…when nobody’s looking, I mean…?

hood:

me: “…Should I take your silence to mean you don’t know, or that you’d just prefer not to say?”

hood:

me: “Would you be willing to talk about any of this off the record…?

hood:

me: “…perhaps offer a public apology…?”

hood:

me: “Well at least tell me this, then: did ol’ Bobby ever throw a hump into anybody with you on — y’know, spice up an otherwise predictable two minutes of spastic, white boy hip shake with some kinky Kleagle role play action?*

hood:

me: “Ever?”

hood:

me: “No? So then what? — this is about a code of honor or something? An old boys’ network built on loyalty, blood oaths — that type thing? Because I can respect that. I was in a fraternity myself.”

hood:

me: “Phi Sigma Kappa.”

hood:

me: “Phi Hexaton chapter. Threw some wild keg parties in our day, brother.”

hood:

me: “…never got into the whole lynching thing, though…”

hood:

me: “Okay, well, I won’t take up any more of your time. …Unless there’s something you’d like to tell me…?”

hood:

me: “Because, y’know, I can’t force you to open up…”

hood:

me: “…Can I just tell you, though, that you are the whitest piece of fabric I’ve ever seen! Christ, you’re white as a Kerry dinner party, y’know?”

hood:

me: ” — like the guest list at a Barry Manilow concert, is how white you are. I mean, you are one white hood, hood.”

****
hood graphic, Bill INDC