eg, “Your eyes are every bit as radiant as those of Shana no Shakagan, warrior child, friend of Yuji Sakai, a Flame Haze fighting for the balancing force!
“–Though if I’m being completely honest, I’m talking strictly of the Noizi Ito Shana. Because the Shana of Dengeki Daioh, illustrated by Ayato Sasakura? — well, good luck competing with that stellar piece of magical pixy ass…!” or “Hey, you hear about Pluto? That’s messed up.”*
Add yours here!
*h/t Burton Guster
“Have you ever noticed that Cheetos crumbs taste better when they’ve been trapped between double-knit polyester and sweaty skin for a few days?”
“There’s a Circus in my pants and it wants to entertain you.”
“You’ve heard about ComicCon, right? Right? Well, it was, like, my idea. Seriously.”
“Wanna come over and watch the Investigation Discovery channel with me? I can totally tell you what all those serial killers did wrong.”
“I’m nobody’s fag, but would I make sweet man love to Yoda? Sure. And I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit it.”
I look at that picture and all I can hear is Emo Philips:
“I’m a great lover, I’ll bet.”
“Who, that guy? Sure, you may think he’s cute now — and sure, you prefer him over me for all the superficial reasons women choose athletic-looking men over poet types like myself — but trust me, one day he’ll up and leave you for someone much better looking than you. A besides, he looks kinda Jewish. Is that really something you want to have to deal with long term?”
“Just think of me as a kind of caring, artistic, deeply committed Curly. If Curly were a Nazi.”
“Hey, beautiful. Care to see my etchings? No, you don’t have to come up to my place, I have them all right here on my tablet. *NO*, it’s *not* an iPad, I got a Nook Color and rooted it so I could load an Android kernel that I specifically tailored to emphasize the textures needed for fur bonded to vacuum-proof helmets that fantasy space elves might use… hey… hey… where’r’ya goin’… shit, not again… … … yeah, get me another sloe gin fizz. And eighteen Asian Firecracker wings when you get a chance, thanks.”
“Did I tell you I spent my summer in 2010 working for Gainax?”
“Panti ando Sutokkingu wizu G?t?beruto, my idea.”
“No …. really.”
“Wanna go back to my place and cosplay it?”
Darn, WordPress doesn’t like non-standard characters.
“You know my Fleshlight doubles as a Tri-Corder, right?”
“Have you ever watched Stargate Atlantis with your pants off?”
“People tell me I look like Han Solo”.
“I once tied Peter F. Hamilton to a chair and read him my science fiction until he swallowed his own tongue…took about five minutes”.
“This South Park episode was totally inspired by my awesome awesomeness.”
And finally…
“This one time…at band camp…”
“Hey, wanna come with me to this MTSU prof’s house tonight? He’s putting on a lute concert, or something like that. I hear there’s gonna be food.”
“Wanna come up and put on my Princess Leia slave bikini costume? Granted, it’s cut a bit large for you, but we won’t go into why that is…”
“If you were Greedo and I were Han Solo, I woulda shot first too.”
“You smell just like paella!”
Marc: “Man I wouldn’t mind gettin’ me some more of that Arcturian poon tang! Remember that?”
Imaginary Friend: “Yeah, but the one you had was a male.”
Marc: It don’t matter when it’s Arcturian, baby.”
“My friend likes to call me ‘Hand Solo’. You can help me change all that.”
“Of course I’m looking for a life partner. I’m all about someday being a family man. Wedding? … you’d look lovely in red
“Hey babe, I’m anti–semitic troll Marc Elliott L’Hommedieu — who’s up for some hot, fleshy, decidedly non-Jewy sex?”
Marc: (to his hand) “Say hello to my little friend.”
“I’ve got a Femtrooper outfit. It should fit you too.”
“I notice that your features are very symmetrical. Are you by any chance a cyborg?”
“What’s a poorly drawn cartoon like you doing in a place like this?”
“I don’t want to brag but I do have a half-eaten bag of Doritos under my bed.”
“You gonna finish that booger?”
“You look like the kind of girl who would know exactly what I meant if I told her my favorite color is ‘an end to hate and bigotry’.
” — Kikes excepted, of course.”
“Are those new Doc Marten’s? Me, I like the 1940 style. Classic, man. Classic.”
“Hurry up live human girl that agreed to come back to my parents’ basement with me, Battlefield Earth just started!… Boy, that L. Ron really knew his shit. That Ron Paul guy too…Wonder if their related?… What, honey?… Nazi?…No, no sweetheart…the swastika dates back to, like, 1,000BCE…. I just thought it’d be cool to get a tattoo of such a revered ancient symbol…. What?… Oh…sure…. The beer’s in the fridge next to the severed Jew’s head. Help yourself…
Damnit…now where the Hell did I put the roofies?…Oh yeah, on the milk crate next to the murder axe…
Sweetie…I paused the movie for you.”
“… it’s just a glandular issue, really.”
“What? I look and sound just like a guy that was in here screaming anti-semitic epithets last weekend? Nope, wasn’t me. Must’ve been my roomie.”
“Does my ass look big in these lederhosen?”
As a Jew hater, you know he’s gotta be angry that he looks like Jonah Hill Feldstein circa Superbad.
Now if we could just introduce him to nishi….
Ha! SW.
“Does my ass look big in this room?”
“Son, the shadow of your ass weighs 20lbs.”
Heh.
“So after I got done with astronaut school, I decided to chill for a while and…[drinks beer]
“What? Why are you laughing like that? Stop it! Goddamn it! You blonde bitches are all alike.”
A Roofie from that skeezy guy in the freshman dorm … $20.00
1 extra-small Micro-condom from Walgreen’s Pharmacy … $1.75
Stalking the jail-bait at the Occupy encampment while railing against The money-grubbing Zionist Kikes?
Priceless…
“Does this smell like chloroform to you?”
(when you’re a big tub of pathetic goo, stick to the classics.)
“Hey Schatzi, you wanna see a movie?”
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a playground like this?
Here JD takes the time and trouble to carefully drug girls, and even passed-out, they still leave with someone else.
“Hello purty girl. I’m from Murfreesboro and I draw RV Park Folk in Space. I sure do like how you take your teeth out a’fore you drink from that there jug. Did you know at my last family reunion I came in second in the ‘Cousin Fuckin’ contest? I tried to fuss on a’count cousin Earl won a’humpin’ on one of his sisters to win, but Grand Pappy racked the shotgun, and called it fair.”
My last name is French for light saber.
So after I got done with astronaut school, I decided to chill for a while…
Ok, honestly…am I the only one (that’s single/dating) thinking about using that line?
It’s Ron Burgundy awesome.
It’ll be worth saying just to see if I can pull it off and get a laugh.
Bless you leigh.
You’re welcome, Lamont. I’ve got three brothers, so I’ve heard everything.
Lamont, you have to be wearing a leisure suit when you pull of that line. Makes it more Ron Burgundy authentic.
That’s cool Blake. I look damn good in polyester.
Speaking of. If nobody’s seen it, this happened.
By the way, no word in several days now from “RyanBacon” via email. To borrow from Eddie Dane, “ever notice how the snappy dialogue dries up, once a guy starts soiling union suit?”
Someone still has some sand in their vagina apparently.
Here’s a good background thread if you’re wondering about Mr. W.
I forget, did Mr. W ever pay off those bets?
Hmmm…
Heh, I was wondering about that, Jeff.
What a moron.
The weird thing about using lines like “I’m an astronaut” in New York – where even the morons fancy themselves to be uber-sophisticated – is that chicks don’t read it as cheesy so much as charmingly insincere. Irony is a strange mistress.
“So like, They really do have two of them,” he said to his friend on IM. “I paid the girl $35 via Paypal and she showed them to me.”
“Oh, I’ll have a witty retort for you jew-lovers after my epic weekend game of F.A.T.A.L. is done. And, cheetos.”
No sand in my vagina, just ADD in my head.
Not that this means that I’m not actually a moron (I can assure you that I still am) but I wasn’t paying close attention (natch) and thought JD was one of Marc’s many alias’.
No offense was meant to JD, all of the initials (bh, jd, etc…) just get me confused.
And I wouldn’t want Jeff to out my secret identity since I am substantially dorkier than Marc, if such a thing were possible.
“Once you go L’Hommedieu, you’ll never go Jew… bitch.”
So, did you pay off those bets Mr. W?
my dyslexia problem: L’Hommedieu -> lahomodude
BH,
I am unclear as to how much I owe and to whom.
Because of my previously mentioned inability to pay attention for longer that a minute, I kept thinking that no one was responding to my ill-considered wagers* when apparently people were responding, just further down on threads that I no longer followed.
Then all at once several people whose comments on this site I admired called me unpleasant names, saying that they had been responding and I was really being an ass and such. I then left in a huff since I am sensitive to slights from people who write gooder than I do.
Now I only check in every once in a while, and, by fortune’s chance, I did so on the very day that the odious Marc got outted. The auspiciousness of the occasion caused me to drag Mr. W out of the musty closet I keep him in, and just look what happened… another fiasco.
It’s a shame to say it, but I think that I may be tempermentally unsuited to comment on the internets. You guys comment all the time and you don’t turn into dicks. Well, not all of you anyway.
Oh well. I will send Jeff some PayPal money as a penance to keep my internet karma up to snuff, and resume periodic PW lurking. Your comments are still the best on the web, at least from a punctuation and grammar standpoint
*I simply failed to account for the usual SEIU/ACORN absentee fraud.
That’s great.
Cheers.
You guys comment all the time and you don’t turn into dicks. Well, not all of you anyway.
Hey, I resemble that remark.
“So, uh, what’s with those lumps in your shirt? Are you smuggling cantelopes or what?”
I am of the opinion that a man with that particular Ralph Lauren fabric swatch as his icon could not possibly be considered such an apendage, Mr. Whistle.
I’m surprised though, in this crowd I thought the line about ‘punctuation and grammar’ would get the response.
Must remember to be less subtle after 5 pm or so…
I like your comments, Mr W. You can and should post here more often.
“I’ve always hated jews because jew tits are so hard to draw and my being a shitball doesn’t help either. ”
” When Rush called Sandra Fluke a slut he called us ALL sluts. Sadly I am currently in a state of slut furlough due to low demand. But I can draw sluts too. ”
” Nipple head? YES! Yes, nipple head! It was right there the whole time! So obvious! I am a genius! I will draw a lady with a NIPPLE HEAD! ”
” Why do people laugh so much when I go out of my way to teabag their blog? Don’t they feel the scathing heat of my political fire? OOH! I could draw a nekkid fire lady with fire boobs!! THAT’D show those rednecks! “
“Up for a little Pon farr? God knows it’s been waaaaay more than seven years since I’ve had some.”
“If I had a lab like Frank-n-Furter’s and could create a woman, she’d look just like you. Wanna come up to my lab and see what’s on the slab?”
” I’m here to boney like an ONI y’all! ”
” Richard Simmons likes Sweatin’ to the Oldies. You look kind of old…I bet you’d be fun to sweat to baby!”
” In old soviet Union you make schnapps throw up! HA AH AHA HAAA. Sigh. Your tits aren’t bouncing yet. “
“Hi! My name’s…well, Joel Ryan Bacon. What’s your name?”
“Jill, you say? Isn’t that amazing! What’re the odds!”
“Oh, no problem whatsoever. It’s just funny that all my friendgirls are named Jill!”
“I had to quit being late to class because when I was the teacher would go all hate-speech-y on me.”
“…she’d call me a tard, or something.”
“I was the only guy who majored in Women’s Studies, i know things, you know.”
“Hey babe! Hell yeah, I’m kinky! I want to lick Hershey’s chocolate syrup off of every inch of your body… ”
“…and then go home, pretty much. Maybe pick up a Dove bar at the 7-11 on the way.”
My name translates almost literally as “the man-god”. Let me show you some of my godlike attributes.
It’s pronounced “Lambda,” like the the sorority.
ok. How far do I have to read back to figure out what’s going on?
Seriously. I left my phone in a rental car, flew home and left for vacation. They sent my phone to my house instead of my secret vacation bunker. I just got it back. Haven’t been on-line in
years months weeksdays. I’m feeling the same overwhelming excitement I felt when I first found alt.binaries.really.fucked.up. These innertubes are just amazing!Why do you have the graduation picture of the window guy from my local Arby’s up? And where are his gauged ears and eyeliner?
Mr W, considering my talent in regards to spelling and punctuation, well, that’s a stone I dare not toss.
Slartibartfast says April 2, 2012 at 7:26 am
My name translates almost literally as “the man-god”.
It’s almost certainly a reference to Christ (“the God-man”), given that French usually reverses such things. Probably Quebecois French, at that, given the one-intense religiosity of that society.
I’ve read that it’s actually short for “le homme de dieux”, or some such, which is “the man of God”. Which could impute some kind of curious religiosity to him, if he’d chosen it. But assuming it’s the name he was born with, it’s probably more like an albatross hung on him.
So it’s not French for “the homo dude?”
…though if it were spelled “L’Hommedieux” it would obviously be pronounced “la homo douche.”
I’ve read that it’s actually short for “le homme de dieux”, or some such, which is “the man of God”. Which could impute some kind of curious religiosity to him, if he’d chosen it. But assuming it’s the name he was born with, it’s probably more like an albatross hung on him.
That could very well be. I’m not a French expert, nor do I play one on TV. I’ll have to check with the one Francais specialist I know to get her input.
…though if it were spelled “L’Hommedieux” it would obviously be pronounced “la homo douche.”
Nothing says we can’t pronounce it that way…
Dunno how that “x” got in there. I suspect gremlins.
I’m reliably informed that older French vocabulary terms put an “x” after “-ieu” endings. It’s almost obsolete, but not quite.
“Your hands look amazing. Such soft skin. And long, delicate fingers. I bet they’re really sensitive. You shold let me teach you my Prana-bindu handjob technique.
Your boyfriend’s going to love it!”
I made a comment I can’t get through the filter, I guess. I tried twice, but it hasn’t shown and now I get the window saying it’s a duplicate.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, the sense of loss for ya’ll must be crushing…