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“UN: Killer Asteroid On Course To Strike Earth”

Women, children, minorities hardest hit. Jews, imperialist pigs, filthy humans belching CO2 like poison perambulatory smoke stacks to blame.

Okay, so I made those last parts up. But it’s not like they weren’t thinking it.

33 Replies to ““UN: Killer Asteroid On Course To Strike Earth””

  1. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Look on the bright side. You’re now free to vote your conscience without having to worry about the consequences, should Barak Obama be reelected.

    Because we’re already dead!

  2. RI Red says:

    Sweet Meteor of Death must have read the Michigan and Arizona returns.

  3. LBascom says:

    I say instead of deflecting the killer asteroid, they should steer it to the Gobi Desert. I’m sure it would solve our global warming problem.

    What? They think they can control the planets climate, how hard could it be to guide a rock?

  4. geoffb says:

    But I don’t want to wait till 2040 for SMOD.

  5. cranky-d says:

    Sooner or later we will get hit by a meteor. The question is whether there will be anything left of our liberty when it happens.

  6. LBascom says:

    “But I don’t want to wait till 2040 for SMOD.”

    Cheer up.

    Asteroid 2002 NT7 arrives February 1, 2019: This continent killer is 1.5 miles long. It’s been called by some observers the most threatening asteroid ever detected.

  7. cranky-d says:

    If it’s a continent killer it’s a world-killer because the debris in the atmosphere will block sunlight long enough to kill most plants.

    Still, that whole global warming thing will no longer be a problem, so I guess it’s a win.

  8. McGehee says:

    Why do the asteroids hate us?

  9. Pablo says:

    Way to get everybody’s hopes up for nothing, Lee. Dammit.

  10. dicentra says:

    But I don’t want to wait till 2040 for SMOD.

    Me neither. But I would like to point out that the timestamp on the preview says March 1, 3442, so maybe we’re dead now and this is all a bad dream some sick, twisted freak is having.

  11. dicentra says:

    SMOD appears to have taken out Davy Jones, though. As someone quipped on Twitter, “I’m a Bereaver.”

  12. LBascom says:

    Pablo, that’s NASA’s conclusion, the Russians think different(according to the link in the post).

    And to be fair, NASA has been distracted by the climate, leaving all that astronomy stuff to the Muslim world.

    NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said in a recent interview that his “foremost” mission as the head of America’s space exploration agency is to improve relations with the Muslim world.

  13. LBascom says:

    And really, the sooner the better.

  14. cranky-d says:

    In reference to Lee’s link above, we have fascism at its finest.

    Way to go, America!

  15. motionview says:

    Maureen Dowd: Mitt Romney needs to be left alone to limp across the finish line, so he can devote his full time and attention to losing to President Obama. Ah, Mo, do you realize you are writing and not just haranguing your cats?

  16. mojo says:

    I don’t believe the UN could find its butt with both hands if they had a map and a mirror. So there’s that.

  17. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Some (not all) of those organic food nusts are no better than dirty hippies. On the other hand, it’s not like they had a booth at the local farmer’s market, or were running a restaurant. So it seems to me that the dept. of health has too much time and money to waste.

    You’d think somebody could get elected promising to fix that.

    At least until he got stuck with the anti-food safety label.

  18. B Moe says:

    Asteroid 2002 NT7 arrives February 1, 2019

    Fuck.

    That is five days before my 91st birthday. Guess I better hold off on sending those invitations out…

  19. Squid says:

    I think the workers’ glorious agrikultural kollectif should join forces with the raw milk crowd and march on the health office. That’ll surely scare some sense into ’em!

  20. You know what else is going to strike the earth?

    My penis.

    Technically just the tip, I have really long legs

    Seriously, I got a grant to measure it.

  21. LBascom says:

    You’re 84 years old?! Daayum! I should treat you with more respect!

  22. cranky-d says:

    Dirty hippies should be free to ingest their dirty hippy food without government interference.

    Where there is no personal responsibility, there is no liberty.

  23. No, if I was 84 it would be my balls striking the earth.

  24. B Moe says:

    Math fail. I still had 2040 in my head.

  25. B Moe says:

    And still did the math wrong >.<

    Double fuck.

  26. LBascom says:

    That’s a relief B Moe.

    Still, 63…wow.

    You’re old. ;-D

  27. B Moe says:

    Actually I am 54. Like I said, I fucked it all up.

    Might be best to just ignore me for awhile.

  28. Pellegri says:

    The dinosaurs—the most successful species ever to walk the Earth—had 200 million years to build an asteroid deflection program. They failed to evolve quickly enough and the universe wiped them out.

    STUPID DINOSAURS. EVOLVE FASTER NEXT TIME AND YOU MIGHT SAVE YOURSELVES.

  29. newrouter says:

    And still did the math wrong

    geithner wants you

  30. SDN says:

    B Moe, it will be my 58th birthday. And Jeff’s birthday too, IIRC. Talk about going out with a bang…..

  31. leigh says:

    Man, you guys are old…er than me.

  32. RI Red says:

    Jr. Red and I went to the range today to cash out some of our investments in copper, brass and lead. If SMoD arrives, no reason to keep too much extra. If not, always good to rotate inventory.

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