- “If you ever get stuck, just put on a wistful smile and say, ‘there are two Americas, Mr. Vice President, and I look better in both of ‘em. You frumpy bitch.”
- “Remember: you are to debating what Janeane Garofalo is to ironic detachment and piquant political commentary delivered with pointed insouciance.”
- “When you mention ‘tax cuts for the wealthy,’ try not to giggle like you did that time with Kennedy over a pitcher of Bombay Sapphire martinis.
- “As it was 300 years ago, so it is today: John Edwards brings the jeremiad, baby!”
- “After all, who channels the thoughts of the pre-born? Dick Cheney? No. You do! You do!”
- “Your running mate’s name is John Kerry. Your running mate’s name is John Kerry. Your running mate’s name is John Kerry…”
- “One enormous smile is worth a thousand-and-one pouty frowns. Think bunnies. And fuzzy ducklings.”
- “The first time Cheney mentions ‘flip-flop,’ you hit him with ‘at least I don’t eat babies, you bald evil fuck.’”
- “Don’t be afraid to exploit the hair.”
****
update: ”Be the lectern…”
I always thought it was lectern
indeed
They’re calling tonight’s debate “Shrek vs. Breck. Well, you have to know which would get my vote if it really were between some airheaded Breck girl and a tart-tongued ogre with a big, hairy heart of gold.
[…]
Wait a minute…
Jeff, you forgot…”I didn’t plan this, but I can feel John Kerry speak through me.”
“Try not to talk like you’re channeling the mouth of Mr Ed.”
“I’m out of order? You’re out of order. This country’s out of order. Both of ‘em.”
I voted for the 87 billion before I sued them for it.
hit him with “at least I don’t eat babies, you bald evil fuck.”
I for one would pay a great deal of money to see that.
Shit. You take one little taste from your colleague’s toddler sundae and they never let you live it down.
Last time I let Condi talk me into trading bites of dessert.
As a very strange aside, John Kerry and his entourage just <objectID=6b2e300e-0abe-421a-006f-5dc0fd17b122&TEMPLATEID=0c76dce6-ac1f-02d8-0047-c589c01ca7bf” target=”_blank” class=”text”>drove up to the hotel</a> across the street from my building. I guess they’ll be staying there for the next few days while he polishes his debate tactics in preparation for the next one.
Secret service and local police were preventing our employees from leaving the parking lot until he’d arrived. Kinda weird, but in a weird sort of way. You know.
Your on-the-spot off-topic reporter coming to you live from Englewood, CO.
Back to you in the studio, Jeff.
The linky thing above didn’t work, but in attempting to find an alternate news article, I found this item with a picture of Kerry that may be photoshoppable. (Depending on your views of Catholicism and the holy sacrament, etc.)
link
Sorry for the off-topic posts!
Don’t bogart that eucharist, my friend.