And by “I”, I mean Nickolas Kristof, and by “Bush,” I mean heartless Republicans whose draconian cuts to common weal funding may one day lead to a world in which escaped zoo animals can kill with impunity, knowing as they must that the GOP has cut that very money that would otherwise have gone toward a Department of Escaped Exotic Zoo Animals Who Managed to Make Their Way Into Ohio Streets, and Will Probably Do So Again, Given the Chance.
(h/t Radley Balko)
A zoo czar?
In a stunning show of idiocy, many comments blame the Sheriff’s Deputies for shooting the animals.
Imagine Nick Kristof, unable to wipe his own ass without government intervention.
Don’t need to imagine it, you say? Funny, buddy.
OK, I imagined it. Right up to the point where Boehner is cleaning his rifle whilst rubbing his toes in his new tiger skin rug.
Then I got jealous and quit imagining.
where would we be without our competent government to control the tiger menace?
solvent
<MonstersINC>KITTY!</MonstersINC>
If they’ve got a black panther available, I’ll take it. It will match the my black housecat.
In a stunning show of idiocy, many comments blame the Sheriff’s Deputies for shooting the animals.
Stunning? Try reading the comments on some of the hunting videos on Youtube. People openly wish death on hunters or any other people who have confrontations with animals where the animal loses all the time online.
And then there’s this story Insty linked, about a Maine Coon and a young cougar divided only by a sliding-glass door.
Full slide show here. The big kitty poses with a statue of itself.
Why does Kristof want me to imagine Boehner dropping a few .45 slugs into a tiger?
And if that doesn’t work, we’ll blame knee-jerk right wing anti-government reactionary-ism for inadequate regulatory oversight of privately owned exotic wildlife preserves. Then we’ll blame them for not funding ZOO SWAT, so that these poor defenseless natural beings had to be killed instead of humanely captured.
How do you put a price on the life of a precious white tiger haterz!
OT: We are totally going to Occupy Providence for howsoever long it takes to build a society by, for, and of the people. Or until it rains. Whichever comes first.
Also, we’re pretty much starving. Please, won’t someone feed us?
I am shocked, positively shocked, by that outrageous display of racism, sexism and classism Di.
Denounced and condemned!
Vituperatively!
If you had any sense of decency, you’d throw yourself in front of a hungy Liger.
For shame. For shame.
So I guess that saying “I wonder what white tiger taste like with scallions” would be in, er, poor taste.
The fact that this takes place not 20 miles from my front door is making me regret that I’ve put off buying a shotgun for so long.
Also, we’re pretty much starving. Please, won’t someone feed us?
Glancing at the few comments there, you have one of them giving a “blessed be” – wiccan babble – and another saying “I can come and pick up around three of four people (in my Prius).” These people are impossible to parody.
Shotgun is good for leopard.
Provided you can get the muzzle in its muzzle before it sinks its fangs into you.
They aren’t the new “forgotten man” Godfrey?
Maybe you could drop off some MegaCorp Evil Grub. Like Happy Meals, or PETA-denounced Kentucky Fried Chicken.
We should donate cups, plates and paper towels from Koch Industries.
Of course, in the past few years we’ve seen a couple of doobie-smoking liberals taunting a tiger in a government regulated zoo, to which the tiger answered with a great leap, and sadly one of the stoners could not survive with a huge tiger bite taken out of his throat.
So government zoo: death and expensive.
Private zoo: death and cheap entertainment.
Yeah, before the cutbacks, every small police department in the country had literally dozens of lion tamers on staff. Now, alas…
If not for these vicious cutbacks, we could have a Jack Hanna in every pot!
Radio reports only the grizzly and a cougar still at large. Neither of which I’d confront with a shotgun, unless it was filled with rifled slugs or slugs with sabots.
Got Zombies?
http://www.hornady.com/ammunition/zombiemax
This just in: Joe Biden raped by wolves. Film at 11:00…
If you had any sense of decency, you’d throw yourself in front of a hungy liger.
The only liger I ever knew, Shasta, is long dead, but I saw her when she was a live.
And I’d bet ten bux that Shasta inspired the reference in Napoleon Dynamite.
Shotgun is good for leopard.
Someone’s been reading Hemingway.
http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2011/10/18/Wild-animals-loose-in-Muskingum-County.html
Heh.
…though if the proud residents of Muskingum County can possibly restrain themselves from kissing and/or fucking the escaped, diseased monkey, they’ll probably be just fine.
#27: Or Peter Capstick. Serr8d, a cougar and leopard are approximately the same size and toughness, and shotgun is definitely preferred.
The grizzly? 12 gauge slugs would probably be adequate at close range. I’d prefer something in the .400 range of rifle… and far enough away.
Or you could replicate the answer Robert Redford gave Will Geer in Jeremiah Johnson….
“Kin you skin griz, pilgrim?”
The lion sleeps tonight.
There is still wild pussy roaming the wild here in NE Ohio. Oh,that isn’t germane to the wild cats roaming Ohio? Kill them all, let the lion king sort them out.
I’ve read a lot of Capstick in my time, but not in a half-dozen or so years. If I remember correctly, the idea behind the shotgun is that if you’re going into thick cover after a wounded cat which is likely to ambush you, a long gun is just going to get in the way.