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Obama's Press Conference, distilled

Pass my bill. Because all our problems are the fault of Bush, the Arab Spring, the European economy, the Japanese Tsunami, House Republicans, Senate Republicans, Wall Street, Big Oil, Big Coal, Big Light Bulbs, China, and Hank Williams — and the only solution is my new spending bill. Which is already paid for (that 5% surcharge on millionaires? Rainy day fund!). And more government investment in green energy.

I will not rest until Congress agrees to create jobs by spending more money it doesn’t have, after first agreeing to take more money from private sector job producers so that government can re-direct that money to teachers’ unions and invest it in companies like Solyndra, which, though it failed, was still a “moral” pursuit.

The only investment that is moral is government investment. If the government doesn’t pick winners, who will?

Oh, and by the way: Eric Holder is aces, we knew nothing about Fast and Furious, and all those disaffected citizens occupying Wall Street? I feel their pain. I mean, the fucking Jews, am I right?

FIGHT THE POWERS, MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS (though not me. I’m just some dude trying to help you. Get angry at everyone else, please)!

9 Replies to “Obama's Press Conference, distilled”

  1. happyfeet says:

    I thought he sounded pouty on the radio on the way to work

    like someone wouldn’t let him have a fruit roll-up

  2. LBascom says:

    Obama is making friends and infuencing people everywhere.

    Thanks to what China and Russia perceive (accurately, if that matters) as NATO overreaching in Libya, there will be no UN-blessed intervention in Syria. There will be no no-fly zone, no targeted financial sanctions, no arms embargo, not even a resolution to “consider” unspecified “measures” against Syrian President Assad. As the WSJ reports:

    –Mr. [Vitaly] Churkin [Russia’s UN ambassador] said Russia couldn’t consider the resolution without taking into account the council’s actions in Libya.

    –Opponents of the resolution have pointed to what they call the abuse of a Security Council resolution they supported to set up a no-fly zone over Libya in February that –was ostensibly to protect civilians against the repression of Col. Moammar Gadhafi’s regime.

    This is payback for NATO. Armed with a UN resolution written to protect Libyans from regime retaliations, NATO stretched the intended meaning to the breaking point, bombed Qaddafi’s forces and shifted to the offense to help the rebels defeat the regime.

  3. Carin says:

    Jeff, since my local news radio show refuses to cover Obama pressers anymore, your synopsis is just invaluable.

    Plus, I don’t feel the need to break shit.

  4. JHoward says:

    Bank reform?

    Barry’s new man impresses in all the usual hyper-active ways Dem brains always impress: He’s a career Democrat politician — who won Jeopardy! — and he loves Big Public Interests. And he managed to hang massively corrupt AIG with a pocket change-sized settlement. And he’s been an Obama campaigner.

    So, all in the family; all in the pocket.

    Obama used the opportunity to call on Congress to support his nominee to lead the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, former Ohio Treasurer Richard Cordray. The Senate Banking Committee approved his nomination Thursday, but his confirmation by the full Senate is in doubt because of a possible Republican filibuster.

    Assuming the nasty Republicans relent, surely the banksters will finally be well heeled. Especially the ones at the very top.

  5. sdferr says:

    Listen to Paul Ryan as an antidote to the stupidity. He’s at least willing to begin to define and address the issues directly, both on the political-philosophical level as well as down into the detail of policy solution.

  6. philboyd studge says:

    When exactly did I fall asleep only to wake up in Atlas Shrugged? Seriously, it’s like their actual words are direct quotes from the book, only they seem to have mixed up who the good and bad guys are.

    It’s surreal to say the least.

  7. Jeff G. says:

    When exactly did I fall asleep only to wake up in Atlas Shrugged? Seriously, it’s like their actual words are direct quotes from the book, only they seem to have mixed up who the good and bad guys are.

    It’s surreal to say the least.

    Exactly. But you kind of expect it from people who read 1984 as if it’s a handbook, something akin to “Totalitarianism for Dummies.”

  8. leigh says:

    Everything he says sounds the same. He’s like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons.

  9. geoffb says:

    Instead of “Rule of Law” we get the “Ruler of Lie And Whine.

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