Fonda: “I only met Kerry once—through Jane—during his Vietnam protest days. You have to remember, Jane and I weren’t really close during the early seventies, and I was far less into geopolitical minutia than she was, being zoinked on acid or fifty-cent wine most of the time—so what I do recollect of ol’ Johnny is kinda hazy.
“The most striking thing about him, as I remember, was just how much he looked like that cartoon chick from the Campbell’s Soup ads—same hair, same jut to the jaw, same goofy smile. Only, y’know, Kerry was much taller than the cartoon chick, and he wore fatigues.
“Anyway, it was ‘71, I think, and Hopper and I were having a few friends over one night to watch Willy Wonka, when Jane shows up just before midnight, high on Thai stick and dragging with her this lumbering dude dressed in military casuals. ‘This is John Kerry,’ she tells us. ‘He’s a special friend of the anti-war cause.’
“Hopper just kinda snorted at him and did a line of coke, but I was like, ‘hey, man. That’s really groovy. Grab yourself a seat,’ which he did. And he sat there very quietly for the most part—at least until we all took turns licking this toad Dennis’d brought back from the Arizona desert. This was during our ‘organic high’ phase. Bufo alvarius, I think the toad is called. Has 50-160 mg 5-MeO-DMT/g in it’s skin. Good shit.
“Getting back to the story, though, after we all’d hit the toad a few times, Kerry began giggling like a little girl every time the Oompa Loompas came on screen. He kept pointing at them, calling them “his little talky fruits”—though I don’t think he meant they were gay or anything, just that they kinda reminded him of oranges, y’know? Then he’d squeal, “I love midgets. I want to purchase a gross of midgets. Does anybody know where I can find me some goddamned midgets for sale?”
“And then we all passed out—Kerry by himself on the couch, Hopper and I inside of Kaye Lenz.
“In any event, I don’t remember seeing him after that. But I’m sure he’s a together kinda guy. And I have no doubt he’d make a serviceable president. I mean hell, you could probably talk him into adding a couple of dwarves to his cabinet, right?
“But now I’m just rambling. You asked me something specific, didn’t you—something about a boat, maybe…?”
Hey, man, I remember that party, man. I think that fucker Kerry stole my toad, too, man.
Dennis, if he gets elected, he’s going to steal everybody’s toads. Just remember that when you go to vote.
You are eligible to vote aren’t you? Are you registered? Here, just fill out this card. The check mark by the “R”? That just means you’re Registering. The “D” means you’re signing up for the Draft.
…sounds like the missing chapter from ‘Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas”.
Now all Kerry needs is some Ibogaine.
Heh.
This is how it all went down, man …
These fuckin’ links never work right, man.
You should put in trackbacks to link all of your “Peter Fonda reminisces” etc.
Some day I’d like to see some of whatever real world interviews you based your Fonda character on.
It’s funny, but I had no idea… You’ve turned Fonda into your own Uncle Duke.
Take me to the river. Put me in the water. Man.
Pete’s pretty tame these days—though I did manage to convince him to trade me the shades he wore in Easy Rider for what a basket I said came from a Vietnamese refuge, and was weaved as Americans were being plucked off that embassy roof in ‘75.
In truth, I got it at Pier 1. But hey, it made him happy…