9. “This Jesus guy. He’s supposed to be, like, totally forgiving, right?”
8. “If we hurry, I can still put the Mavericks out of their misery…”
7. “That’s doctor death to you, honey.”
6. (tie) “Rosebud” / “pentobarbital”
5. “And your little dog, too!”
4. “Howsabout a really quick handjob?”
3. “Anybody else smell bologna?”
2. “When mercy killing is outlawed, only outlaws will inject depressed people with lethal doses of animal poisons from the back of their beat up old VW buses in order to watch the poor schmucks die.”
1. “Oh. Fuck me.”
“I’ve changed my mind!”
Ready or not, here I come.
But I still have a second chakra left!
You know, I wonder if Marshall Dillion will let Dr. Death come in through the Pearly Gates.
RIP James Arness …
“I’da shot myself, but I’m too much of a pussy.”
“
RIP James Arness.
Thread win to Lost My Cookies. Very nice.
“What, flames already?”
“What are you doing with that needle, Elroy?”
Or possibly:
“No I don’t have a permit for those bunnies!”
[…] piece with God before the end. Our pal Jeff Goldstein at Protein Wisdom captured that thought in a whimsical post that ponders possible choices for his last words: “This Jesus guy. He’s supposed to be, like, totally forgiving, […]
Mavericks in 7!
“I’m feeling much better. I think I’ll go for a walk.”
“Wait! Wait!
You’re supposed to die – NOT ME!”
“Corn?”
Oh, wait. That only works if you die on the crapper. Sorry, Elvis.
.” Sorry, Elvis”
Sorry? I only WISH that I could be as totally fucked up as he was when I die. I wouldn’t even know the difference between day and night, or life and death! Probably wouldn’t even know the difference between Percocet and Adderol.
“Uhhhhmmmm. Which one of these bitches makes me wake up?”
Dying while dumping? Now, THAT’S upper class, untaxble luxury!! THAT is a finger in Obama’s sightless eye, huh? Fuckin’ Elvis! What a wildass, crazy bag of meat! An honorary DEA agent, no less!
I know a DEA agent who is a great friend, and he had been shot in St. Louis in a drug raid.
What he said was: “Once you have a bullet in you, you don’t care who the fuck anyone is, friend or foe. you’re shooting anything that moves.”
Cheers, Elvis! You made Kernel (colenal, curnel, cowowlenel, WTF? How DO you spell that stupid word, anyway? I know I am not even close) Tom a rich man at your own expense! BRAVO! How cool is it that you eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches in Denver while this useless prick takes %75 of your money and owns your whole estate? You stupid fucking hillbilly!
I used to go to Graceland with “Gator” of “Urban Cowboy” fame (I worked for Sherwood Crier, who owned Gilley’s, and was ,to put it mildly, a candidate for thug of the decade), and we would sell total bullshit recordings of “the unknown, secret, lost Elvis songs”. What a piece of shit I was (I sang them), but I can’t stop laughing when I think of it. It was sort of a prelude to “The Kardashians”. Fifty bucks apiece! And our advice was (From Elvis): Don’t ever fuck a woman who has had a child, including your own stupid, stupid wife! She will get rich, but only AFTER YOU DIE ON THE TOILET WITH HALF A TURD IN THE BOWL AND HALF STILL STUCK IN YOUR ASSL (Yes, I am “connected”)! But she is a “Verbotten” fuck, even if she bore your own child, and BECAUSE she bore(d) your child..
What does an 80 year old woman taste like when you want to “do” her? Dependz. So it went with Elvis, who relied on Dependz towards his appointment with his maker..
Honey, if you have born a child, you are a sick unit, even if it was MY child, you cheap slut…
Dipshit with too much money. I could easily be a major dipshit if I had enough money. Get it while it’s hot. We are headed for Elvisville. No shit, I ain’t kidding……
repeat. Dipshits rule!
Thank you for your indulgence. i know it’s hard to believe where I’ve been and what I’ve done. Even I have a problem understanding what an amazingly charmed life I have had.
No shit…