I don’t recall saying Oliver Willis “hates freedom.” Leafy vegetables, sure. Treadmills, certainly. But freedom? Nope. Wasn’t me.
As for the rest of Ollie’s suggestive dismissal of the recent Terror Alerts as so much politically motivated nonsense, well, what are you going to do? Oliver probably thinks Atta and his crew carried out the 911 attacks on a whim. No advanced planning—just extemporaneous tomfoolery by a group of rowdy Islamists with a grudge against skyscrapers and five-sided buildings. Probably drew up the entire plan on the back of a United Airlines cocktail napkin just after drink service, the naughty little scamps.
Q: What did Oliver Willis say to the potato? A: Bush lied. You’re a carrot. Vote Kerry.
…Of course, should the Citicorp building have been leveled by a truck bomb and the recently released information kept close to the Administration’s vest, you can bet your last Quizno’s sub (with extra fried onions) Ollie’d have been first out of the box calling for the formation of a Special Commission to investigate what the Bushies knew and when they knew it—all the time screeching like a self-righteous patriot bent on making the country more respected in the world. Because he’s a partisan hack. A partisan hack who happens to like freedom and pecan pie. And John Kerry.
But mostly pecan pie.
related: Cole on Pandagon. Hendrix on fire.
update: “Sources: Al Qaeda’s Terror Plot Was Active”. Please note that the “sources” referenced are anonymous “officials” and intelligence officers, so take it for what it’s worth. In the meantime, “developing…”
update 2: Oliver claims he’s “already won” the argument because he likes pecan pie and I happened to notice. Or something like that. Unfortunately for Mr. Willis, the facts surrounding the release of the latest terror alerts beg to differ with his sunny assessment of our engagement. But then, facts are inconvenient things. Besides, playing the victim card is so much more…progressive.
As for getting personal, well, I’m an equal opportunity “critic” of zealous food appreciation. As my recent conversation with my own pants makes clear.
Fact: Oliver’s post suggests I accused him of “hating freedom.” Which I clearly did not. My pointing out that he likes pie is hardly in the same league as his accusing me of questioning his patriotism.
update 3: More on the terror threats here.
Jeff,
And George Soros can funnel a lot of pecan pies his way.
David Brock, OTOH, is compensated with cucumbers, I understand.
Cordially…
Jeff,
I used to wonder where the voices in my head came from. I do believe it has been you all along.
Are you sure that Oliver wasn’t speaking with your Deadbeat Neighbor?
You’re a carrot
Why is that joke so effective? I think it provokes a natural empathy with the potato.
Potato feels a moment of confusion, then indignation, then struggles not to answer back “I am so NOT a carrot”; instead concentrates on exuding his natural quiet, potatoey strength; aims dry potato wit at core of argument.
Calliope, Clio, Euterpe, Tualmia, Melpomene, Tepsichore, Erato, Polyhymnia, Urania, Oliver Willis.
He really does inspire your best writing.
Bravo!
It’s a good thing we have International Counter-Terrorism Experts such as Oliver Willis explaining why the Bush administration is doing everything wrong for us…..
Oh wait……
Someone with such an antipathy for treadmills cannot be taken seriously
Don’t pick on Oliver.
It’s like kicking a retarded cripple having an epileptic seizure only not as entertaining.
I never thought you would stoop to such a level Jeff. How dare you question his patriotism.
Mmm…Pecan pie.
I hate it when people lie to potatoes.
I question Olivier;s timing.
Oliver lied, people… have come to expect that.
Damn it, I like pecan pie!
I just choose to serve it without the political hackery.
I had a brilliant putdown of Oliver when I came in here … but it didn’t rate. Good job folks.
I can’t imagine Willis addressing a potato with anything other than a fake Scottish accent and the words, “get in mah belly!”
Ok, you know what? Oliver and I don’t agree on much, but I can do better than to attack his weight. God, that is such a lame – ass thing to do. Your larger point is absolutely right, by the wway – it’s just the jeuvenille way you choose to put it across.
Unbecoming – at best.
Yeah, it was meant to be funny – but it reeks of kindergarten, Jeff.
Wow.
Great post. It reminds me of the good old days.
2nd Grade.
Asshole.
Whereas dropping by someone’s site and leaving “asshole” in the comments is definitely more 6th grade.
Boogerhead.
Incidentally, I don’t see you Willis groupies getting all upset that he suggested my original post accused him of “hating freedom” when it clearly didn’t. But that’s par for the course, I guess.
Am I the only one who burst out laughing at the title? I do believe that is the funniest slam I have read in weeks. And to you lame-o’s carping about the weight jokes, lighten up.
” to you lame-o’s carping about the weight jokes, lighten up.”
Heh heh, “lighten up”….
As to Oliver Willis, f*ck Oliver Willis and the pecan pie he has his jowly spittle-flecked face plunged into.
Now, that has to be at least a high school level insult, unless things have changed far more than I think in the past few decades.
Wow…making fun of Oliver Willis’ weight and appetite. Such a razor sharp wit.
Wow…using the phrase “razor sharp wit” sarcastically to suggest that I don’t have one. Such a razor sharp wit.
Fuck Oliver Willis with a corn cob.
There, now that’s VP material!
Incidentally, the Willis groupies still haven’t uttered a peep about Oliver’s blatant misrepresentation of my earlier post. Hell, I doubt they’ve even bothered reading the posts in question. Oliver told them what they needed to hear. Why investigate for themselves?
Puppets.
Actually, I compared making fun of him to abusing cripples, but I could always switch to weight jokes if that one was too smarmy.
Jeff, how the @!#$ do I UNSUBSCRIBE to this thread? All these whiners are clogging my inbox while I’m trying to purchase ox+y_C0n+!n at discount rates.
Did you try removing the checkmark next to “Notify me of follow-up comments?” (below)?
All my info seemed to disappear.
Kind of like Olivier when you ask him to back up his facts.*
*I won’t make the obvious “roach when the light comes on” allusion because in reality, a roach doesn’t run away then send out its readers to attack the guy with the can of Raid.
Hmmm. Dunno. Still learning this thing.
Oliver who?
Oh, him. Right.
His opinion is very important to me.
If Jeff would only make fun of *my* weight. *sigh* [makes moon eyes at Jeff]
Isn’t there a rule that chubby people are allowed to make fun of chubby people?
Jeff makes me chubby. Heh.
Now, can we get back to the part about how the left has picked up an embarassing habit of blatantly misrepresenting what other people say? Now the real question: did they always do this, and now they’re just getting caught out at it a lot more often and aren’t sure how to respond, or what?
It’s getting pretty pathetic. It makes rational discussion impossible.
Oliver Willis is highly overrated, both by himself and others. In fact, he debates like a junior high school student rather than the soooper genius he claims to be. That is to say, his analysis is juvenile and only partially informed, he invents imaginary arguments to respond to, and as a last resort he will always resort to condescension and remind you that, after all, he is much smarter than you are, you poopy-pants doody-head.
At least that is how junior high school students I have known in the (distant) past have chosen to frame their, er, frank discussions, although I suppose their collective crankiness could just have been because they were all virgins, rather than because of their lack of intellectual maturity.
However, to resolve that conundrum here would require more information about the redoubtable Master Willis than I have. Or want.
> puppets
well, you don’t exactly set a tone for a vigorous debate of the issues when you attack someone’s weight in the first sentence. blaming oliver for the tone also does not excuse you from being guilty of a childish attack that defeats your argument before you even get a chance to get started.
perhaps you should remove the log from your own eye before pointing out the splinter in anothers. making fun of someone’s physical appearance is no proxy for real debate. rather than continuing whining about it in the comments here, why don’t you just fess up to being an asshole and get on with things?
> weight in the first sentence
sorry, meant to write “first paragraph” here.
Um, Wallace, unless you’re reading My First Bibleâ„¢ (drool-proof version), that’s ‘beam’ and ‘mote’ respectively.
Oh, and Jeff is the go-to guy for surreal riffs on Michael Moore and talking inamimate objects. I’m not trying to speak for him, but I don’t think he’s trying to be Victor David Hanson. Making fun of the somewhat adipose nature of Oliver ‘Like Krispy Kreme to Atkins’ Willis is pretty much par for the course round here.
But didn’t you say that he hates freedom? I mean by linking to him in a post on national security matters on your right-leaning blog you’ve somehow implied that he hates freedom!
Hey, it’s just what we Hatriots do.
Jeff is arguing on a third grade level because that’s the only kind of arguing Willis understands. He is a child. Any time he tries to rebut something I’ve written, he attacks my mental stability.
Oliver is George Soros’s attack dog. And every single on of his posts is tainted by the money he takes from Soros.
OMG! Oliver is fat guy! Never seen those in the states!
You should be kissing his ass (big target, can’t miss it) for the all the traffic he’s sending to this sad-sack blahg. Protein wisdom? What is that, a pseudo-intellectual stunt money-shot guy?
blahg – you’ve seen it here first.
Sorry, Vince. Jeff gets more traffic than Oliver. Try again.
Ouch vince, does it hurt being that wrong?
(and Jeff, I fixed my email comment thing. It took a little patience, the right browser, and the ritualistic slaughter of a small woodland creature)
You’re fat. Ha ha.
See, Wally, that’s the problem with drooly sniffers like you: you think someone’s argument is “defeated” because the tone is disagreeable to you. Again—when the facts become inconvenient, seize upon how they were presented and get outraged over that. “I question the timing of this leak!” “Fox News is a Republican attack machine!” All nonsense.
Oliver loses the argument because he’s wrong on the facts. And if he doesn’t like my tone, fine. But he should be more careful about presenting me as some sort of Sean Hannity clone.
Vince–
Are you making a jism reference? How naughty! Bookmark it and send your friends over to see just how naughty you’ve been!
As for the “pseudo-intellectual” thing… well, anytime you’re up for a game of Scrabble, little hairy man…
Jeremy–
Why not just let the other 3 posters who left a similar comment speak for you? Or did you think there’s something so special about you that when you wrote it it would carry more rhetorical force?
The issue of potato-Americans and carrot-Americans has been addressed before.
I’m a tool and I apologize. I know I wouldn’t want you to come into my home as a complete stranger and start making assumptions about me. I feel shallow. Hell, I am shallow.
Really. I apologize. For being a dick. I am. I’m a dick.
Really, I can’t apologize enough. I feel small. I am small. I’m sorry. Please.
Here, look on the top of my head: see that hole? That’s the opening to my urethra. Because I’m a dickhead.
Sorry. Sorry.
I’m a monkey Wheeeee!
Sometimes, when nobody’s watching, I like to fling my own poop at the refrigerator door. Because that’s what monkeys do!
Do you like me, Jeff? It’s important to me that you do.
Monkeys need lovin’ too, you know…
Being the “jeremy” who posts here regaularly, I just want to point out that I am not the dickhead doing the drunken monkey posting dance above.
Oh, and Vince? Internet super-troll Robert McClelland has been using the phrase “blahg” for years. His site is even called “myblahg.” Other than that, great creative work!
I hardly ever read this blog, because frankly, the wit’s just not as sharp as it could be, ya know ? But now that Ollie’s friends are here, boy have things picked up ! Especially that Jeremy (no, not you jeremy) guy – I mean, first he’s shallow, then he’s a dickhead, then he’s a monkey – you gotta admit, Jeff never comes up with stuff that witty.
So Jeff, don’t you think you should just admit defeat and let Jeremy take over ? ‘Cause a shallow, dickheaded monkey is just what we need around here.
Oliver’s a writer, dontcha know!
Yikes…much as I’m enjoying seeing my name thrown around, I think I’m going to have to find a way to differentiate. “Jeremy in NYC” it is.
holy cow, 54 friggin’ posts, already! okay, 55 now. and all I can say is, if nobody ever mentions that fat bastard again, I will be pretty happy. not the Mike Meyers character, I mean the other one. although the Meyers character is pretty gross and annoying after a minute or two… okay, so both of them.
I’ve got an edit function. You?
Yup. Still working.