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Top 9 muffin flavors / other harmless pranks for which the victim secured a defense lawyer

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9. blueberry
8. (tie) poppy / stabbing Sharon Tate repeatedly with a giant knife, killing both the actress and her unborn baby, then smearing the walls with some arcane — but delightfully insouciant! — social commentary in blood.
7. climbing into a trashbag and settling down in the mud after having torn your own clothes, smeared yourself with shit, and written racist epithets all over your own body — then getting Alton Maddox, C. Vernon Mason, and Al Sharpton to playfully indict the white police department, the white judicial system, and white people.
6. banana nut
5. Vandalize your own car, blame it on white “racists” and antisemites, then luxuriate in your victimhood, in the undeserved fear you’ve instilled in minority students, and in the fact that you’ve turned all your white students into suspects — albeit lovingly so.
4. Accuse some “privileged” white lacrosse players of gang rape, secure the championing of an outraged academic community looking for any reason to demonize both “whiteness” and “privilege,” find a prosecutor willing to throw in on the two-minute hate to advance is own career on the backs of a convenient scapegoat, then — after all is said and done, wait a few years and cleverly stab your boyfriend to death.
3. cinnamon
2. pumpkin
1. (tie) Stand outside voting places in paramilitary garb swinging billy clubs and cheerfully warning off the wrong kinds of voters, making sure that only the “right” kinds of candidates can get your votes / cream cheese

37 Replies to “Top 9 muffin flavors / other harmless pranks for which the victim secured a defense lawyer”

  1. eleven says:

    You always take all the good ones.

  2. Carin says:

    I admit I’m disappointed that oatmeal raisin/ Balloon boy didn’t make the cut.

  3. Squid says:

    Banana nut made the list! I am satisfied.

  4. B. Moe says:

    Only a racist would leave out chocolate.

  5. Pablo says:

    What? No fake Indian plagiarist? No cranberry/orange?

    I think this thing’s rigged.

  6. Had to get a defense lawyer because of a super sized bran muffin once. But I guess that’s more of a cause and effect thing.

  7. Joe says:

    Top 9 muffin flavors / other harmless pranks for which the victim secured a defense divorce lawyer

    Same same really.

    His wife can always go back to Hillary for advice…or not.

  8. geoffb says:

    The entire Clinton Administration needs to form a collective, re-hire their old lawyers and sue to get onto the ratings.

  9. Squid says:

    Does Ellers McEllerson count as a defense lawyer? If so, I’m pretty sure the “cabana boy” episode could be included. It would make a great pairing with the banana nuts.

  10. Joe says:

    Tick tock.

    It would have been better for Weiner if wienergate was acknowledged over the holiday weekend (when people were preoccupied with grilling wieners–because they cannot afford the price of steaks this year). Now the story will get traction this week.

  11. geoffb says:

    Next up will be the “sword faller-er” who will retain counsel.

  12. TaiChiWawa says:

    Number six is doing double duty here, I think.

  13. Joe says:

    My guess muffins are the motivation for this whole thing.

  14. motionview says:

    There is something about the word Muffin that gets me a little randy.

    – Ole Slick Willy, on a brief respite from his 11-year-and-running sexual liberation tour.

  15. Slartibartfast says:

    The Kinsey Reports/cream pie

  16. Joe says:

    Captain Ed is on board.

    But the imagry of Rush being on top of it is too Boratish for me.

  17. Slartibartfast says:

    Prolly got someone to say “Ace rules Bartertown” over the PA system.

  18. Spiny Norman says:

    Virtually certain? Ooh, that sounds like it’ll be a big help…

  19. Joe says:

    Spiny Norman, and if once Chuckie learns about “the details,” he has a nice escape hatch before the bus mows Weiner down.

  20. Stephanie says:

    Sooo, l’il Tony got all flustered at Dana Bash on CNN and said “I’ve said what I’m gonna say” and called the reporters jackasses.

    Ace is still all over it. Ummm…. Ewww. You know what I mean.

  21. serr8d says:

    You mean here’s a post on muffins, and no one has linked this ?

    Sdferr would be outraged

  22. guinsPen says:

    While krill may not have made the muffin nine, it’s certain to be a top four pie.

  23. Stephanie says:

    Muffin flavor of the month: Ace/Humble Pie

  24. Stephanie says:

    OH, Darleen… Weiner’s skirt is too short, too. Comedy gold.

  25. B. Moe says:

    But the history at DailyKos was clear, Stephanie!

  26. Darleen says:

    Stephanie

    though the main evidence for all this was a retweet from a man that has been both harassing Weiner and this girl for weeks.

    Evidence? What dark fold of fetid flesh did St Amanda pull that evidence from?

    WHAT man? WHAT harassment?

    I do note that Mandy is NOT calling for a police/FBI investigation.

    gag me with the smell of hypocrisy … it smells like tuna.

  27. Stephanie says:

    fetid flesh…it smells like tuna.

    Ewww. Even a feral cat pussy would die of starvation first.

    I think I have Sarah Bernhard in the Dead Pool. Winning!

  28. Alec Leamas says:

    WHAT man? WHAT harassment?

    She’s alleging that the guy who discovered the Honorable Weiner’s meat tweet had been harassing Weiner and his followers before tweet in quo, based on some statement by ComedyCoed (the seeming intended recipient of the tweet). Criticizing a public figure’s public Left-wing assholery, made in full view of the public, and most likely from public or publicly-subsidized office space no doubt constitutes “harassment” in Amynda’s world.

    You have to remember that Amynda is still operating from the Honorable Weiner’s first lie, not the subsequent contradictory lies employed to explain away the first lie. The Honorable Weiner’s refusal to ask direct questions like “sir, is that a picture of your cock?” does not lead Amynda and Co. to doubt his veracity, but is instead a demonstration that he’s an adult who won’t succumb to the taunts of the right-wing smearing echo chamber made in the persons of CNN employees.

  29. zino3 says:

    I wish I could remember her name, but am having no luck.

    Because the joke goes: ” Who comes to your party covered in shit and half in the bag?”

    Sorry. Can’t remember Al’s teen age lying “victim’s” name (she made up the story to not get in trouble with her parents for “doing” some piece of pedophillic trash).

    Oh well. It’s still germane. Not that any lib would ever believe that Sharpton is a walking used condom.

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