Via Sarah R, who demands a caption contest. So have at it!
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
- In The Mailbox: 12.23.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll truly IS a sad, embittered psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
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- In The Mailbox: 07.18.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
So, Axelrod rolls a joint thiiiiis thick, Billy Ayers and Bernie are over in the corner arguing over where to put the bomb, and I’m like, “Dude, I am waaaaaay too stoned to smoke anymore right now. Just save it for later, put the bomb by the gate, and pass the Funyuns.”
One day I walk in on Hillary changing and she’s like this much longer than I am!
If a book is more than this thick, I ain’t reading it. Same with bills that Nan and Harry send me. Fuck it. I gotta tee time to make and a fundraiser later; there’s no fucking way I’ve got time to read all that.
“I’m CRUSHING your head!”
“How close am I to declaring myself Presidente por vive? Thiiis much.”
(apologies to dicentra, feel free to correct the Spanish)
I don’t always make hand gestures. But when I do, I prefer this one.
“Trump? Guy’s got about this much credibility. I have like twice that!”
“Mr. President: How much of your time do spend on legislative or diplomatic matters?”
“About this much.”
Then I gave that Queen bitch an iPod. Bitches love iPods.
“I missed the fairway by this much.”
“Yes, a cheeseburger. But it wasn’t, like, a triple or anything.”
“…Then the waiter had the nerve to serve me an improperly chilled salad plate! So I had Bruno tune him up a bit. Fucker won’t make that mistake again.”
“This is how much we’ll let you keep after taxes. You’re welcome.“
“At least this thick for MY Wagyu.”
I’m telling you, the article said that the average human penile length is this long, about 4 to 7 centimeters. And you know they’re right, the study was done in France for crying out loud. So, you know, as I tell M’chelle, I’m just about right, for someone who’s half white…
” …and there was this one class at Harvard Law, all about these guys like, um, Robert Jefferton and, um, lessee, Bill Madinson, old dudes like that. And I thought, whoa, people get paid to talk about this shit??! Sounds like a gig for me. And that’s why I studied the Constitution Declaration.”
“…Which is why you can never, ever trust a Vulcan.”
“Ready? Here’s my impression of what Wonder Woman’s plane would look like were it this small. Get it? Hello…? Is this bitch even on…?”
President Obama today showed us his lighter side when he did his Agent 86 routine.
In an experiment to upgrade the President’s teleprompter, gesture commands were embedded in the text. However, when the machine’s programmer combined this gesture with the words, “reduce the presidential staff,” the experiment was abruptly ended and the programmer fired.
President Obama highlight the odds that Acorn would not be involved in voter fraud on his behalf in the 2012 election. Critics accused him of over estimating.
“Oh, c’mon. It was just a little half-white lie.”
Looks like Obama wants to go shopping again
“You know what I hate? I hate it when I pick a huge booger with a hair in it out of one of my cavernous negrostrils, and I roll it up and then I flick it, but it stays on my thumb, so I flick it again and then it’s on my finger, then back to the thumb, and then I get real frustrated.”
…….some should never be let off of the prompter.
“… So then I backed up this much and stepped on the ball! Can you believe it? I mean it was a panic! A panic! Anyway, Muffy’s not allowed back, which is a shame because that place is rrrreeeeeaaaly top drawer. Really. Top. Drawer.”
“I’ve got more humility in this much of my ass than you could fit in your whole body.”
Damnit. Squid beat me to it.
At the next beer summit, we’re serving Black and Tans, and using this much Tan.
“So I will destroy your country unless you pay me … FOURTEEN TRILLION DOLLARS!!!! Mwahahahahaaa!! Mwaahahahahaha!! MWAAAhahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!!!!!”
After a tragic stroke, President Obama must puppet his own facial gestures using tiny puppet strings. Our photographers have caught him here acting out one of his characteristic smirks.
The administration shocked students at the Rocco Columbo School for Women and Typewriter Repair today, when, instead of giving a speech on his proposed economic plan, the President invited Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner and Economic Adviser Austin Goolsbee onto the stage, whereupon the trio broke into an impressive karaoke rendition of Bel Biv Devoe’s “Poison”.
President Obama, pictured above delivering the “Smack it up, Flip it, Rub it down (Oh, no!)” line, really got into it.
The trio then followed up “Poison” with “The Humpty Dance” by Digital Underground, “Jump Around” by House of Pain, and wowed the crowd with their encone “End of the Road” by Boyz II Men.
“So then I says to M’chell, ‘Just open your lips a little more and it’ll slide right in.'”
[This really shouldn’t be this much fun. – ed.]
“REDRUM!… REDRUM!”
“Obama’s Speeches Now So Boring President Forced To Do the Talking Hand Thing Himself To Avoid Falling Asleep While Delivering Them”
No, I swear, that place had waffles THIS thick!”
You guys are great! I’ll have to make it a habit to demand caption contests around here.
Only one I thought of yesterday, Seth beat me to. Finally I have had another thought:
President Obama at a townhall meeting explaining to the crowd just how much he loves this country.