Were Ted Kennedy a bowling ball instead of a beefy, patrician, hydrocephalic Massachusetts Senator, Mary Jo Kopechne might very well be alive today. Because it’s difficult to drown in laquered wood flooring. And because bowling balls tend to be very careful drivers. Q.E.D.
…is it hot in here?
He’s alive!
Too bad we can’t say as much for Mary Jo.
Yeah, but if wishes were bowling balls, beggars would, uh, still wind up in the gutter. Or something like that.
Are you saying that if he hadn’t split, she might have been spared?
Oh God, I didn’t say that, I didn’t! Aaarrrgh!! Where did I put the hemlock?!?
You didn’t try to insert your fingers in that bowling ball, did you?