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Best/worst love songs (or, a Valentine’s Day thread sure to divide readers into opposing camps, where they’ll fight and fight, and Hallmark will have to make a special card to ease tensions)

Best:

1. “I Love You” – Climax Blues Band
2. “You’re My Home” / “She’s Always a Woman” – Billy Joel
4. “Maybe I’m Amazed” – Paul McCartney
5. “Babe” – Styx
6. “Sentimental Lady” – Fleetwood Mac
7.

Worst / cheesiest

1. “Hello” – Lionel Ritchie
2. “My Heart Will Go On” – Celine Dion
3. “Wind Beneath My Wings” – Bette Midler
4. “Is This Love” – Whitesnake
5. “Tonight I Celebrate My Love” – Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack
6.

133 Replies to “Best/worst love songs (or, a Valentine’s Day thread sure to divide readers into opposing camps, where they’ll fight and fight, and Hallmark will have to make a special card to ease tensions)”

  1. Danger says:

    Funky Cold Medina!

  2. John Bradley says:

    “Do That To Me One More Time” – Captain and Tennille

    Because “Once is never enough, with a man like you” is possibly the most insulting lyric ever sung in a love song.

  3. Danger says:

    Speakin of love:

    I’ll be in the Montgomery, Alabama this evening thru Thursday.
    Let me know if you’re in the AOR and I’ll try to rendezvous with you.

  4. eleven says:

    Lo-ovin you-ou..is easy cause…you’re beautifu-u-ul

    And everything that you.. do-o-o

    Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-ooooooo….

    Sorry I can never hit the high note.

  5. Pablo says:

    You can fill that last one in with “Escape” – Rupert Holmes

    Worst love song idea ever, poorly executed. And he sold a kajillion of ’em.

  6. A fine scotch says:

    “By My Side” – Ben Harper

    Tribute video, actual song. This was the first song played at our wedding. Love, love, love it.

  7. eleven says:

    What’s your favorite Michael Bolton song?

    I celibrate his whole catalogue.

  8. A fine scotch says:

    “Do Me” – Bell Biv Devoe

  9. A fine scotch says:

    It’s so hard to pick just one, eleven.

  10. Jim in KC says:

    For the “Best” list:

    EthyleneJohn Hiatt.

  11. A fine scotch says:

    Oh, just to clarify: #6 was an entrant in the “best” category. The BBD link at #8 might need a “Least Approriate” category.

  12. John Bradley says:

    “I want to know what love is… I want you to show me.”

    And if you could get one of your girlfriends to help, you know, as a spotter or something, that’d be extra keen.

  13. dicentra says:

    Something by Journey should be in there, but not “Faithfully.”

    “Since You Asked,” Dan Fogleberg

    I’m drawing a blank without my iTunes at hand.

  14. Ernst Schreiber says:

    S’Wonderful (George and Ira Gerschwin)
    Blues in the Night (Nelson Riddle[?])
    Cheek to Cheek (Irving Berlin –I like the Ella Fitzgerald cover)
    So Alive (Love & Rockets)
    (You’re the) Devil in Disguise (don’t know who wrote it Elvis sings it)
    Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler)
    Obsession (Animotion)
    That Alanis Morisette (sp?) song from 10-15 years ago what’s it called? The one that sounds like the soundtrack in Glen Close’s mind if Fatal Attraction were a 1990s movie.

    I’ll let you guess where the line between good and bad/cheesy falls.

  15. Squid says:

    Best:
    Piano Sonata No. 14 in C# minor “Quasi una fantasia”, op. 27, No. 2, Ludwig van Beethoven
    Always, October Project
    Happy Together, The Turtles
    Valerie, Crooked Fingers
    Iowa, Dar Williams
    Queen of the Surface Streets, DeVotchKa
    Hey, Julie, Fountains of Wayne
    Unintended, MUSE
    The Ship Song, and/or Straight To You, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

    Worst:
    (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Bryan Adams
    Lady in Red, Chris de Burgh

    Either/Both:
    Night in White Satin, Moody Blues
    If, Bread
    You Are So Beautiful, Joe Cocker

  16. Spiny Norman says:

    Funky Cold Medina!

    OK, Danger: Wild Thing

    ;^)

  17. dicentra says:

    Oh, I also found out how to pronounce “Jsu García”: JAY-zoo WEEN-kl-HAI-mr.

    By some strange co-inky-dink, he was on Coast-to-Coast AM (or Space Ghost, Coast-to-Coast, don’t remember which) last night talking about his movies about spiritual journeys. Not a word about Atlas Shrugged.

  18. dicentra says:

    “Beautiful,” Gordon Lightfoot

  19. Jeff G. says:

    Shit. Old Lang Syne by Fogelberg should be in there. One of my favorites.

  20. eleven says:

    C’mon now…

    If we’re putting Roberta on the worst list you gotta put her on the best list too.

    “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” is a classic.

    Before my time but a classic.

  21. geoffb says:

    “Where did we go right” Johnny and June Carter Cash.

  22. Spiny Norman says:

    That Alanis Morisette (sp?) song from 10-15 years ago what’s it called? The one that sounds like the soundtrack in Glen Close’s mind if Fatal Attraction were a 1990s movie.

    You Oughta Know

    Another one in the “Best/Worst/Cheesiest/Creepiest/TakeYourPick” category:
    Possession

    My ex dedicated both of those to me. Yikes.

    My song for her: Cecilia

  23. Squid says:

    Possession goes right up there with Every Breath You Take.

  24. bh says:

    “Allison” – Elvis Costello.

    “I’m ‘n Luv (Wit a Stripper)” – T-Pain featuring Mike Jones.

  25. Stephanie says:

    Worst. Anything by Air Supply.

    ‘Making Love Out of Nothing at All’ Even Brad Pitt couldn’t overcome the pussy factor on that one.

  26. A fine scotch says:

    “Every Breath You Take” makes me want to forcibly remove Sting’s nuts, have my way with his wife, and drink all his beer.

    That and it’s a song about a creepy stalker…

  27. Jeff G. says:

    “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” is a classic.

    Good song.

  28. bh says:

    Most everything by REO Speedwagon fits on both lists.

  29. Jeff G. says:

    I love REO, as well. Of my era. Almost put “Keep on Loving You” on the Best list.

  30. bh says:

    Don’t know if “Time for Me to Fly” fits as a love song but it still works for me.

  31. A fine scotch says:

    Worst list: “Ice Cream” by Sara McLachlan (Actual line from the song: “Your love is better than chocolate, better than anything else that I’ve tried”; did a 10 year old girl write this song? Blech.)

    Inappropriate: Closer – Nine Inch Nails

  32. cranky-d says:

    “Time for me to fly” is an end of love song. My era, and I like it.

  33. dicentra says:

    From the FakeAPStylebook twitter feed, corrections to candy hearts. http://twitpic.com/3zskgr

  34. A fine scotch says:

    I second the “Keep on Loving You”, Jeff.

  35. bh says:

    College girlfriend loved NIN, afs. I’ve fooled around to every track on Pretty Hate Machine. Smoke a bowl, drink some MD 20/20 and get it on to “Something I Can Never Have”. Then go talk to some pierced lesbian in the lounge who says stuff like, “I liked Nirvana before they were popular.”

    Good times.

  36. eleven says:

    It just ocurred to me how incredibly ironic the “Pina Colada Song” is.

    I mean — what are the chances?

  37. A fine scotch says:

    Nice, bh. I had one with similar music tastes. She actually worked at something she referred to as a “women’s sexuality boutique”. It was a porn shop for chicks, basically. They did tattoos and piercings, too. And this was when only the VERY lesbian were getting pierced in most of those places.

    Given Jeff’s list, Closer was inappropriate…

  38. Silver Whistle says:

    Agree with Squid, Lady In Red by Chris de Burgh is the Worst.Love.Song.Ever. I will not answer for my actions if I’m armed and that song gets played.

    Don’t know about the best, but this one always gets me blubbing.

  39. JD says:

    When you say nothing at all – Alison Kraus a capella. Evergreen – John Denver. Love Me – Colin Raye. I Swear – John Michael Montgomery.

  40. A fine scotch says:

    By “those places” I actually meant anatomically, but I guess referring to the shop works too.

  41. Carin says:

    In your Eyes, by Peter Gabriel

  42. Stephanie says:

    Count me on the REO Bandwagon. For the good. Of my era, too.

    “Knock Three Times” – Tony Orlando and Dawn. Close to maxing out the yuckage.

    I’d add “Tie a Yellow Ribbon,” but it’s been appropriated by the USO and put to better use, so I won’t.

    Worst Rap Love “Pump and a Bump” MC Hammer.

  43. JD says:

    Another great one is Eminem’s tribute to his wife. Sensational ;-)

  44. Carin says:

    This is Us, by Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris

    You and Me, Dave Matthews Band

    Make it wit Chu – QOTSA

  45. A fine scotch says:

    Which one, JD? I’m fond of “Bonnie & Clyde, ’97”.

  46. scooter says:

    My taste is questionable (at best).

    I’ve always liked
    Repetition
    by Information Society which seems to be about breaking up, and getting back together. With obligatory, accompanying crap new-age late-80s video.

  47. bh says:

    May as well link them as I’m going to be listening to them all day now:

    “Keep on loving you”, “Time for me to fly”, “Can’t fight this feeling”, and “Take it on the run”.

    Suddenly I feel like I’m supposed to go pick up a corsage and a rented tux. Speaking of which, “Love Song” by Tesla.

  48. JD says:

    Afs – “kim” maybe? The one where he basically cusses her out for 4 minutes.

  49. bh says:

    Ack. Oh well, it’s there on youtube.

  50. sdferr says:

    “Pitchers and catchers report today and tomorrow”. Ok, it isn’t really a Valentine’s day song, but it should be.

  51. JD says:

    Music to my ears, sdferr. Cubs should be mathematically eliminated by Friday.

  52. Heard God Only Knows what i’d be without you by beach boys past night. Depressingly lovely.

  53. Ernst Schreiber says:

    “Storybook Love” (End Title The Princess Bride)

  54. JD says:

    Afs – it is definitely “Kim” by Eminem, from The Marshall Mathers LP. It is the most lovely caring heartstring pulling tender romantic songs I have ever heard.

  55. Ernst Schreiber says:

    maggie,

    Coyingly sentimental, but in a good way /creepy Jon Lovitz voice.

    I’ll let y’all speculate on what I mean by that.

  56. Ladies and Gentlemen. Live, from the neck up, it’s Teddy Pendergrass

  57. B. Moe says:

    Think, Aretha Franklin

  58. scooter says:

    Maggie – you weren’t watching Love, Actually by any chance, were you? That song is playing at the very end of what it ultimately one of the best romantic comedies ever. And I have a Y chromosome.

  59. Obstreperous Infidel says:

    Just Don’t Bite It – NWA

    Brings a tear to my eye, every time I hear it.

  60. Ernst Schreiber says:

    What is Love? (Baby Don’t Hurt Me)

    I’ve always wonderd what that would sound like arranged for a full orchestra.

  61. scooter says:

    In the good category – Right Down the Line by Gerry Rafferty (RIP).

  62. LTC John says:

    I agree with Stephanie about Air Supply – they make me consider supporting the revocation of Amendment I to the US Constitution simply to allow them to be banned, censored and scourged from all hearing, ever.

    I am slightly puzzled as to why Celine Dion didn’t make #1 in the “barf” category. I think that song set the standard for modern mush.

    I like several songs by the Corrs for the good side of the ledger. But, maybe it is just a weakness for hot, crooning Irish women. And tin whistles.

  63. Silver Whistle says:

    Nobody says “I love you” like Cee Lo

  64. Jim in KC says:

    OI-Couple of funny-ass tracks on that LP…

  65. cranky-d says:

    I agree that “In Your Eyes” is close to the best of them.

  66. Curmudgeon says:

    “Sentimental Lady” – Fleetwood Mac

    You mean the Bob Welch solo version?

  67. Curmudgeon says:

    Despite the grim tone, “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica, is, lyrically, a love song.

  68. Jeff G. says:

    You mean the Bob Welch solo version?

    That’s the only one you can find anymore.

  69. Pablo says:

    If you couldn’t get busy to the full version of Jefferson Starship’s “Miracles”, you just weren’t capable.

  70. Pablo says:

    In your Eyes, by Peter Gabriel

    Absolutely. Top 5 in my book.

  71. Curmudgeon says:

    Arguably Welch was the most talented of them. Also the most addicted, regrettably….

    If you couldn’t get busy to the full version of Jefferson Starship’s “Miracles”, you just weren’t capable.

    Any song that actually mentions “going down” (on Grace Slick?) without getting banned has something going for it.

  72. Jeff G. says:

    I can’t get past that the same group put out “We Built This City (on Rock and Roll)”.

    It’s like Dukakis in the helmet. You just don’t undo that.

  73. bh says:

    Heh, when I was a little kid, I loved that song. As well as my cassette of The Jackson Fives greatest hits.

  74. sdferr says:

    Bono’s cover of Elvis.

  75. cranky-d says:

    I didn’t know that “Miracles” was by Jefferson Starship, so great is the “We Built This City” disconnect in my mind.

  76. sdferr says:

    That whole Honeymoon in Vegas album is pretty good by the way, if ya havent’ heard it.

  77. Silver Whistle says:

    Bono makes my piles flare up.

  78. Jeff G. says:

    Nick Cage was hysterical in that flick.

  79. bh says:

    Just listened to “Miracles” on youtube… for the very first time.

  80. cranky-d says:

    bh is a kid. I heard that song so many times as a lad, I grew quite sick of it.

  81. bh says:

    Heh, we should have a thread titled, “Listen, kid, these songs here were the shit”.

  82. sdferr says:

    The soundtrack album wasn’t part of the movie at all I think. Just folks covering Elvis. Some of the stuff is outstanding. Here’s Bryan Ferry covering “Are you lonesome tonight?“.

  83. cranky-d says:

    Punk kids don’t know nothin’. And get off my lawn!

  84. sdferr says:

    Jeff Beck, Hound Dog

  85. Pablo says:

    I can’t get past that the same group put out “We Built This City (on Rock and Roll)”.

    Fortunately, it’s not exactly the same group. “We Built This City” was Starship, sans the Jefferson and lots of other good things like Paul Kantner, Marty Balin and Pete Sears. Much litigation ensued.

  86. JD says:

    http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/eminem/kim.html

    If that does not scream Happy Valentines Day, I do not know what does …

  87. ccs says:

    I’m kinda partial to I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend by The Ramones.

  88. Jeff G. says:

    Well, sure, Pablo. But you know what I meant.

    Marty Balin, “Hearts.” Ah, good times…

  89. Pablo says:

    I know. It’s the sort of thing that makes you deeply concerned about your own judgment. That was some truly disturbing shit, kind of like looking at Grace these days, or post-Paradise Theater Styx. Brrrr.

  90. Alec Leamas says:

    Best:

    7. God Only Knows – The Beach Boys

  91. dicentra says:

    Now that I’m home with the plumber, who is auguring out my sewer pipe and found that his 100ft snake wasn’t long enough, I can parse my iTunes for songs:

    “Bewitched” Mel Tormé
    “Come Rain or Come Shine”
    “For Sentimental Reasons” Nat King Cole
    “Night and Day” Sinatra
    “If You Could Read My Mind,” “Beautiful,” and “Softly” Lightfoot
    “The Closer I Get to You” and “Where Is the Love” Flack and Hathaway
    “Rosalinda’s Eyes” Billy Joel
    “Gira con me” Josh Groberg
    “How Deep Is Your Love” Bee Gees (YOU HEARD ME!)
    “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” Beyoncé
    “As Long as You Follow” Fleetwood Mac
    “Danny’s Song” Loggins
    “For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her” and “Bridge over Troubled Water” Simon and Garfunkle
    “Just You and Me” Chicago
    “Fortress Around Your Heart” Sting
    “Crazy” Patsy Cline
    “Protection” Massive Attack
    “Dream a Little Dream of Me” Mama Cass
    “Happy Together” The Turtles
    “Always and Forever” Heat Wave
    “Ain’t No Sunshine” Bill Withers

  92. Jeff G. says:

    How Deep is Your Love is a great tune. I like “Sundown” from Lightfoot. And the Turtles? Always good to hear that tune.

    I should add 24 Hours a Day, from the Partridge Family. That’s right. The Partridge Family.

  93. Jeff G. says:

    And for balance, I’ll add Beth, from Kiss.

  94. dicentra says:

    Oh, and “We Built This City.”

    It IS on my iTunes. You got a problem wit dat?

  95. Abe Froman says:

    I suddenly feel so Generation X. Up yours, hippies.

  96. Jeff G. says:

    Oh, and “We Built This City.”

    It IS on my iTunes. You got a problem wit dat?

    Yes. And on this, I’m speaking on behalf of humans.

  97. Jeff G. says:

    If you were here by the Thompson Twins. Almost with You by the Church. Time after time by Cyndi Lauper. Are those GEN X love songs?

  98. Jeff G. says:

    If you leave by OMD?

  99. Abe Froman says:

    I’m just being gratuitously flippant.

  100. JD says:

    Aint No Sunshine. bill withers. Good stuff.

  101. John Bradley says:

    I contend that Mr. Ambulance Driver is a love song, of sorts. But I’m probably mistaken.

  102. serr8d says:

    My wife and I, for our recently-passed 25th Anniversary, settled on Van Morrison’s ‘Someone Like You‘ as our first-dance number thinger. I’m surprised no one hit on that yet.

  103. serr8d says:

    ‘Miracles’ was written by Marty Balin. That came out in ’76, coinciding with my zenith in backseat ‘romance’… )By the time I got around to seeing Jefferson Starship in a concert venue, Balin had left the band and they couldn’t play it. Bummer.

  104. bh says:

    “Misguided Angel” – Cowboy Junkies.

    “Classic Girl” – Jane’s Addiction.

    “Please Do Not Go” – Violent Femmes.

    “Twistin'” – They Might Be Giants.

    “Fuck Her Gently” – Tenacious D.

    Okay, those last two might not be love songs.

  105. Abe Froman says:

    Here’s a lovely hipster love song.

  106. dicentra says:

    And I’m speaking on behalf of those who don’t give a rip what other people think of their taste in music.

    But The Partridge Family? Even I wasn’t stupid enough to nominate “I Woke Up in Love This Morning” and “I Think I Love You.”

    Which are on my iTunes.

  107. Abe Froman says:

    Laurie Partridge was pretty smokin’ for a dirty hippie. Much better than them Brady whores, though no Marilyn Munster.

  108. sdferr says:

    Worst?

    Anything by The Association.

  109. Russ says:

    I am appalled, utterly appalled, that it took 94 comments before anyone mentioned For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her.

    Justin Hayward’s Forever Autumn is another favorite of mine.

  110. Stephanie says:

    ‘Pray For You’

    I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
    Things were going great ‘˜til they fell apart again
    So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
    He said you cant go hating others who have done wrong to you.
    Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn.
    Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them.

    I pray your brakes go out running down a hill
    I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
    I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
    I pray you’re flying high when your engine stalls
    I pray all your dreams never come true
    Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you

    Goes mighty fine with that Carrie Underwood number. BTW the 17 yo has both on her Iphone. They weren’t on mine but it made her prematch play list for today along with the Hotel/Motel song… another fine ode to luv.

    I may use her 7 iron on myself if this keeps up.

  111. Evan3457 says:

    Not for nothing, but…

    Stardust. Nat.

  112. Evan3457 says:

    And Sinatra doing The Way You Look Tonight gets me every time, too.
    Ol’ Blue Eyes Never Goes Anywhere

  113. BuddyPC says:

    Otis Redding’s That’s How Strong My Love Is. You only need to use it once.

    After you close the deal, any Capitol-era Sinatra (“Witchcraft”), Sinatra/Jobim, Johnny Hartman, or Johnny Mathis’ “Wonderful Wonderful.”.

    I notice nobody voted for George Harrison’s “Something”. Lucinda Williams’ “Righteously” is a good one from the girls.

  114. theOtherKen says:

    Submitted for your consideration: Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan singing Rice’s “I Remember”

    I Remember

  115. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Good Enough for Now (“Weird Al” Yankovic)

  116. dominoe4 says:

    I can’t believe noone has mentioned “Suck my Love-pump” by Spinal Tap. It’s even in D minor, the saddest of all keys.

  117. alppuccino says:

    I believe that’s “Lick My Love Pump”. But the key is correct.

  118. alppuccino says:

    “I Like Big Tits” Joe Walsh.

    and I like big tits.

  119. dominoe4 says:

    Thanks, alppucino, I realized my mistake as soon as I walked away from the monitor.

    A lot of good picks here; I Love You by Climax Blues Band, Right Down the Line and By My Side from Ben Harper, all in my Ipod.Along with Gold to Me by Harper, I Hear A Symphony, Something by the Beatles, She’s a Rainbow from the Stones brings back fond memories.

  120. alppuccino says:

    I’m not normally a corrector, but Nigel Tufnel seemed to put his heart into that one.

  121. Curmudgeon says:

    Worst?

    Anything by The Association.

    And yet, in 1967, the year of “Sargent Pepper”, the Association’s LP outsold said Beatles LP in the USA.

    Draw your own conclusions….

  122. Blake says:

    bh, “Misguided Angel” is a rather dark song. Brilliant, but dark.

    Was “Misguided Angel” on “Pale Sun, Crescent Moon” or “The Trinity Session”

    Because I’m a unrepentant Christer, I think “Working on a Building” is amazing.

  123. Slartibartfast says:

    I Touch Myself – Concrete Blonde
    Never Say Never – Romeo Void

  124. guinsPen says:

    best: Till There Was You

    second best: The Night Chicago Died

    miss congeniality: Your Feet’s Too Big

  125. Pablo says:

    OK, best anti-love songs!

    Jumbo Go Away – Frank Zappa

  126. texlovera says:

    A bit late to the party, but here’s my 2 cents:

    BEST-
    “So Far Away” – Dire Straits (my fiancee and I lived this one)
    “All the Things You Are” – Ella Fitzgerald

    WORST-
    “Muskrat Love” – Captain & Tenille (How in the hell did no one else come up with this one already?? I am greatly disappointed in y’all…)

  127. Lovernios says:

    Here and Now – Luther Vandross
    Spooky – Classics IV
    All Around the World – Lisa Stansfield

  128. Lovernios says:

    Going in Circles – Friends of Distinction
    Its a Shame – The Spinners

  129. Lovernios says:

    Wicked Games – Chris Isaak
    I Go Crazy – Paul Davis
    Baby Come Back – Player

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