Meredith Vieira: ” […] and of course today is the National Day of Mourning –“

Joy Behar: “– for the, uh, the Reagan funeral is today, right? –“

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– at the National Cathedral, yeah –“

Meredith Vieira: “– yes, and there’s no mail service today, either, did y’all know that?”

Star Jones: “– which, I’m going to tell you, really bothers me. I’m sorry, but it does –“

Meredith Vieira: “– because what, you’re waiting for shoes? –“

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– yeah, or maybe a George Foreman grill or something? How can that bother you, he was president? –“

Star Jones: “– I’ll tell you. It’s because I just did not care for the man, okay? And lots of people I know didn’t care for the man. And I don’t see why –“

Joy Behar: “– I didn’t care for him either, the old clownface –“

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– now, c’mon, Joy–“

Joy Behar: “– what, he had a clownface, it’s true, with all that rouge? —“

Star Jones: “– and as I was saying, I don’t see why my tax dollars are going to, you know, to fund the, for a funeral, with a lot of overdone pomp and pageantry. I just don’t –“

Barbara Walters: “– When I was a little girl, I loved to ride the ponies –“

Joy Behar: “– And his hair was always jet black, did you ever notice? Even in his 90s, his hair was like the color of an extra from a Tarzan movie –“

Star Jones: “– my hard-earned dollars going toward pomp and pageantry. I find it excessive, okay?– “

Meredith Vieira: “But to be fair, he was a two-term president of the United States –“

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– and he won the Cold War, and revived a horribly inflationary economy –“

Joy Behar: “– So what, so was Nixon a two term president. And they buried him with his tapes in a cardboard box and shipped it off to Kent State. His rotting carcass is in a storage shed somewhere in Ohio –“

Star Jones: “– for me it’s all about the symbolism, okay? It’s all about what this pageantry teaches our children about Star Wars and nuclear weapons and government cheese–“

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– you don’t have any children –“

Meredith Vieira: “– and there was the whole AIDS thing that happened on his watch–“

Joy Behar: “– Oh, don’t get me started on AIDS. Like that virus wasn’t a CIA invention —

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– tell me you’re joking– “

Joy Behar: “No, and while old twitchy was deciding which tie to wear to a fancy dinner with Nancy, the bitch — I’m sorry, it needs to be said, because it’s true — while he was, while he got dressed for, y’know, shrimp cocktails and champagne with lady big shoulders, the British ice queen, what’s-her-name, I can’t remember — he let millions upon millions of homosexuals die in agony–“

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– Margaret Thatcher.”

Star Jones: “– the gay plague is what he called it, right? AIDS, I mean, not Lady Thatcher–“

Joy Behar: “– because God told him to let the, y’know, to let the fags suffer and die because they liked to put their gay thingies in a different mail slot, if you know what I mean –“

Barbara Walters: “You know, I once interviewed Ronald Reagan on his ranch in California. In 1981. And he had the most charming speaking voice. And he kept lots and lots of ponies –“

Joy Behar: “– so, y’know, good riddance, I say.”

Star Jones: “– as a woman of color, who’s had to personally overcome the quote unquote Reagan revolution, I say good riddance, too. I’m sorry, but I’m with Joy–“

Meredith Vieira: “Well, I never liked his haircut, which always looked like something out of an Archie comic. So I’ll join with you in saying that…it’s not that big a deal for me, even though I feel for Nancy–“

Joy Behar: “Ugh, a bitch, trust me –”

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “– that’s just a terrible thing to say –“

Joy Behar: “What? — it’s true, I’m sorry –“

Barbara Walters: “– you could see the mountains in the background, with fluffy clouds drifting over the purple peaks, and we rode in an open Jeep, ponies all around us –“

Joy Behar: “– yeah? Those weren’t mushroom clouds you saw, I hope –“

Star Jones: “– anyway, the point is, a lot of pomp and pageantry is being expended for someone who oppressed people of color, murdered homosexuals, turned his back on the poor and the homeless and women and puppies, and built up the military industrial complex. I’m glad he helped defeat communism, but gay people were dying, okay? –“

Meredith Vieira: “– all so we could get no mail on a Friday. Not much of a legacy when you look at it that way, eh?–“

Barbara Walters: “– they just don’t make ponies like that anymore.”

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: “Well, if you don’t mind my saying it, you ladies are all pretty much fucked in the head.”

Meredith Vieira:

Star Jones:

Joy Behar: “…Wait, can she say that? ‘Fucked in the head’? Because I don’t think she can say that…”

Barbara Walters: “Ponies!”