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A message to the good folks at Soloman Bakeries, occasioned by my lunch

No one has ever successfully negotiated a pita pocket. No one. And that’s because there’s simply no way to stuff one of those things with meat, cheese, tuna fish salad — name your filling — without tearing it. At which point it becomes a bland, bastardized, leaky and unleavened breadbowl.

Innovative foodstuffs my ass. Just stop it. Stop it with all your pita lies.

12 Replies to “A message to the good folks at Soloman Bakeries, occasioned by my lunch”

  1. jack says:

    Long ago, in New York City, there was a fast-food gyro place called Go-Gos. I say ‘fast food’ because that was the design, decor and how they served the meals.

    Two popular menu items were gyros and souvlaki. Both served inside an untorn completely circular pita. A slit was all that allowed them to fill them.

    And fill them they did.

    Now, gyros and souvlaki are served on a pita and rolled–like a greek taco.

    sad.

    But it can be done

  2. Jeff G says:

    No!  Perhaps in the past, but not with today’s inferior flatbreads.

    Shill!  Apologist for the Soloman Bakeries.  Stop.  Stop it with all your pita lies!

  3. Thank you, PW, for speaking truth to power.

  4. Kate says:

    And for all these years I thought I was somehow deficient. Now, I learn, I am not alone in my pita envy.

  5. Kate says:

    (In case you’re wondering, this is National Donate-A- Comma Day. “Donate your unused commas, so that others, may, write”.)

  6. jeremy says:

    Now you’ve done it!  Look out for the Pita Anti-Defamation League.

    Oh, uh, and for Kate:  ,,,,,,,,,,,

    (sorry, that’s all I have on me right now).

  7. jcr says:

    I bet John Kerry knows how to negotiate a pita. See, in Vietnam they had something very similar…

  8. Simon says:

    I almost did it once.  The key is to get nothing that tastes any good inside the pita.  That way it doesn’t fall apart and you can’t just forget it.

  9. Alexa says:

    Well.  I like sloppy foods, they’re fun!

    Someone has to defend the pita.  It’s not pitas who destroy lunch, its those darn over-stuffers.

    by the by…(,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,)

  10. jack says:

    I put all my commas in a pita and ate them

    Because I’m greedy like that.

    And it didn’t rip. HA.

    For those who are pitatudinally challenged, try gluing two small frisbees together. Tastes about the same—and you can play golf with it….

    (I don’t have any commas–but I can get you a bunch of periods and a few apostrophes)

  11. Dominic says:

    I can’t believe you lot. Here in England the traditional post-pub activity is to visit a kebab house and pick up a ‘donar’ – the epitome of Turkish/Greek/Cypriot cuisine. Lightly toasted pita bread stuffed with weeks-old strips of lambs meat (or thats what they say it is…), a garnish of salad for no particular reason and a slop of chilli sauce on top. Guaranteed indegestion the next day to take your mind off your hangover, and clogged up arteries for life. Delicious.

  12. Tips:

    1) Thick pita.  As thick as you can find.  Costs a little more but your dry cleaning bill will be reduced.

    2) Slice falafel balls in half.  It’s a trick my daughter taught me.

    3) If you can arrange to get me a refund from those penis enlargement pills, I’ll stop over-stuffing.

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