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Defining terms: "it slices, it dices, it can even cut this tin can…!"

Are you a “progressive” dispirited with what must appear to you a sudden, jarring, civil lurch rightward? Has your desire for the Greater Good — and your ability to engineer that Good and act as its supervisor — been upset by inconvenient realities on the ground (eg., no more of other people’s monies to spend)? Does the intrusive Dystopian present threaten to harsh your mellow and undercutting your plans for a Utopian future, with you at the helm?

If you answered yes to any of these question, you may want to try Linguistic Acrobatics®

It’s amazingly simple: merely take terms like “fiscal responsibility” or “spending cut” or “sorry, but we’re like, totally out of bread, my brothers,” and replace them with the Linguistic Acrobatics® term that seems to you more precise — a term at once very specific and incredibly broad ranging: like, say, violence.

Because violence is bad, fiscal responsibility, or spending cuts, or “dude, we’d like to, but we’re broke” — which we redefine as types of violence — all become bad, too!

And the best part is, it’s free, for this limited (postmodern/poststructural)-time trial offer.

Try it on for size and if you aren’t completely satisfied —

Well, don’t you worry about that. We’ll just redefine “satisfied” to take care of that little piece of obstructionism and hate.

35 Replies to “Defining terms: "it slices, it dices, it can even cut this tin can…!"”

  1. ThomasD says:

    I don’t know what to say.

    Other than, you know, I suspect that is the desired effect.

  2. happyfeet says:

    president bumblefuck has violently raped our treasury so many times I can’t count anymores

  3. happyfeet says:

    nine?

  4. Ernst Schreiber says:

    You forgot to link to the testamonial from YKW. He’s been using Linguistic Acrobatics© for years.

  5. sdferr says:

    Might we start with the violent use of the “s” where we Americans would prefer to use the “z”? “Demonisation”? Please, stop beating on me!

  6. Benedick says:

    Violent is the new Racist.

  7. Squid says:

    But to them, “fiscal responsibility” means that they’re responsible for all things fiscal. Keeping your wealth to do with as you see fit? That’s just irresponsible.

    Why do you insist on twisting the plain meaning of their words? H8ers.

  8. cranky-d says:

    Happyfeet’s words juxtaposed with his avatar are hilarious.

  9. cranky-d says:

    BTW, when a representative talks about spending cuts, they are usually talking about not increasing the budget as much as it was going to be increased. Rarely do they mean actual cuts.

  10. geoffb says:

    And here I thought for many years that “violence” was only useful to conflate the use of force in self-defense and defense of the innocent and nature’s forceful random events with the use of force to harm the innocent. Clearly I underestimated the broad purview of “violence”. I am in awe.

  11. Bob Reed says:

    And this pinhead Ms Gopal is on the Faculty of English at the University of Cambridge? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

    Let me guess, part of their quest for Diversity. Because many of my college English professors, at the not exactly stodgily conservative University of the People’s Republic of Maryland, would have had more than a few problems with this woman’s use of “poetic lisence”…

  12. Bob Reed says:

    Close Benedick.

    Fiscal responsibility or austerity are the new racist.

    I mean, you heard Jesse the J last week, didn’t you ( http://tiny.cc/JtheJ )? Repealing Obamacare equals minority genocide, or some drivel like that.

  13. Ric Locke says:

    It’s at least interesting that Norm Geras, who is usually right behind redefinitions leading to justifying redistributionism, gags at this one.

    Regards,
    Ric

  14. Benedick says:

    Good news is, I likes to viddy a bit of the old ultra-violence.

  15. It’s an old revolutionary tactic. They are trying to draw out a response. Increase the level of “peace” the crowd meets out until the authorities react with “violence”.

    Didn’t work really well here in the US, even during the Revolution, thanks to Adams. Even worse later because, while most Americans felt that workers should receive a fair deal in exchange for labor, they used to have an even higher regard for private property.

    Not really anymore, unfortunately. Nowadays Sacco and Vanzetti would be in Congress.

  16. LBascom says:

    TEA Party=fiscal responsibility

    Fiscal responsibility=violence

    TEA Party=violence.

    PREPARE THE CAMPS!!

  17. Crawford says:

    Nowadays Sacco and Vanzetti would be in Congress.

    They’re not? I thought for sure one of them was elected in New Hampshire.

  18. You may be right, which one was the Republican again? He was a good man.

  19. sdferr says:

    Just what responsibility does a member of an English Faculty have in regard to understanding the fast moving field of political opinion today? That is, how can we possibly be upset with Ms Gopal’s ignorance on this score? Why, we may as well fault her for a failure to adequately comprehend the proper procedures of an up-to-date laparoscopic appendectomy as hold her accountable for a thorough going grasp of national budgetary policies and priorities in the context of a parliamentary political organization. After all, the trials and failures of the most forthcoming tyrannical socialist states have only been a matter of public record for a few decades at most.

  20. Carin says:

    Testing, one two testing.

  21. Carin says:

    YEA!!!!!

    You guys, though, look nothing like I thought you would.

  22. SDN says:

    It’s all of a piece with the various hate-crime and harassment laws / torts: it doesn’t matter if you actually did anything; the “victim’s” feelings are all-important.

  23. Bob Reed says:

    Just what responsibility does a member of an English Faculty have in regard to understanding the fast moving field of political opinion today?

    None whatsoever sdferr.
    I’d just like her to be able to use the english language properly instead of twisting the meaning of the word violence to serve her own polemical end.

    Or admit a priori that she was taking great poetic license in her essay; kind of like a disclaimer or, you know, a tRiGgER aLeRT!11!1! :)

  24. Slartibartfast says:

    it slices, it dices, it can even cut this tin can

    Quit it with the death threats, Goldstein!

  25. mojo says:

    “That’s assault, you know!”
    “Yeah. Y’know, I remember when you actually hadda hit somebody?”
    — Big Trouble

  26. Crawford says:

    At the risk of bringing the Wrath of Patty down upon me, I will say this:

    The conflation of responsible government with “violence” by the left, coupled with the decades of their rhetoric that have cast anyone opposed to them as amoral, inhuman, etc., appears to me to be intended to justify violence against me and mine.

    For that reason, I’m increasing the amount of ammunition in my, um, “stockpile”.

  27. DarthLevin says:

    The other day, my Personal Banker™ offered to help me draw up a budget that would drive down my debt by an extra 23% per year.

    I had to put a cap in her. Self defense, you know.

    Violence!

  28. Spiny Norman says:

    …the claim of a supposedly non-violent “script” is not entirely consonant with the sight of rioters and arsonists wearing official NUS clothing and being cheered on by the crowd. It’s also somewhat at odds with NUS president Aaron Porter calling for a “demo-lition” on a route past Conservative HQ, or promising “we will use every weapon in our armoury” and telling students they needed to be “inside the rooms where the deals will be made.” Still, physical intimidation and property destruction are very exciting and Ms Gopal is hardly alone in finding mob violence both excusable and titillating:

    As some lecturers at Goldsmiths College in London have pointed out, the “real violence in this situation relates to the destructive impact of the cuts.”

    A reference to, among others, anthropology lecturer David Graeber, who has “written widely on the relation (real and potential) of anthropology and anarchism,” and on “magic as a tool of politics,” and who announced he was “very proud” of the rioting students, adding:

    They are going to represent us as thugs but really they are the thugs and we are representing civilisation.

    “Non-violence”, my ass. It was never part of the program. It’s all about the intimidation, Brownshirt style. Priyamvada Gopa, Aaron Porter, and David Graeber are yet more examples of “scratching a liberal and finding a fascist”.

  29. rjacobse says:

    !!!CLICHÉ ALERT!!!

    Definling terms

    Fixed it for you.

  30. rjacobse says:

    Hokay, wtf happened to my nice strikethrough?

    Definling terms

    That’s what I meant.

  31. dicentra says:

    And this pinhead Ms Gopal is on the Faculty of English at the University of Cambridge? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

    Bob, your problem is that you persist in clinging to antiquated notions of competence and intellectual rigor when faced with the hijinks of today’s profesoriate. Doesn’t that get tiring?

    I can assure you that this woman is not considered to be a pinhead by her peers but rather a heroic figure, blazing trails through staid public consciousness, Overcoming Racism, and generally Bringing About Needed Change.

    Courageously, of course.

    Those whose primary aim is the acquisition of power will ALWAYS sweep aside any notions of truth, especially with regard to linguistic integrity, which only gets in the way.

    And therefore must be devalued out of existence.

    Were you to challenge her in person on her absurdities, she’d barely comprehend where you were coming from, and her answer would be equal parts condescension, obfuscation, and old-fashioned gobblety-gook.

    She doesn’t live on the same planet you do. You’re only wearing yourself out trying to understand how she got where she got and says what she says.

    Just accept as your first premise that their only goal is “a Utopian future, with [them] at the helm,” and it will all make sense.

  32. dicentra says:

    Apparently, Europe is doing a good job following the script laid out in The Coming Insurrection, which, having been hawked by Glenn Beck, is most definitely fodder for the tin-foil-hat crowd.

    DON’T READ IT! DON’T BELIEVE IT! THE CAKE IS A LIE!

  33. Bob Reed says:

    I guess that I’m just blind to penumbras emanating, or something like that di.

    Or, you know, I’m just bitterly clinging to the actual meaning of language :)

  34. NoisyAndrew says:

    dicentra is right. If nothing means anything, than everything means whatever you want. See also, Hell as imagined in The Great Divorce.

  35. Skorpion says:

    Not only does “Fiscal Responsibility” = “Violence,” but “Conservatism” = “Racism”.

Comments are closed.