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Scenes from the 9-11 Commission Hearings, Private Session, The Oval Office

Jamie Gorelick: “Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, let’s begin, if we might, by addressing a few of these July and August 2001 intelligence briefings –“

Alberto Gonzales: “– Uh, Madame Commissioner? As counsel for the President, I’d like to remind the commission members that this is not a criminal proceeding –“

Jamie Gorelick: “– I’m aware of that, Mr. Gonzales –“

Alberto Gonzales: “– that this is not some, y’know, grand jury procedural, or anything like that. The purpose of these private sessions is for the President and Vice President to provide information to the commission, and that is what they are going to do –“

Jamie Gorelick: “–I understand that, Mr. Gonzales –“

Alberto Gonzales: “Well, then, with all due respect, Madame Commissioner, what’s with the powdered wig and black robe? And that ridiculous gavel? –“

Richard Ben Veniste: “– Excuse me, Mr Gonzales! Excuse me, sir! But I will not have you questioning the patriotism of Madame Commissioner–“

Dick Cheney: “– I’d just like to go on record here as saying Richard Clarke is a lying little bitch –“

Bob Kerrey: “– I need not remind you, Mr. Vice President, that there is no record here today. And for what it’s worth, Jamie, you look great in that robe. Black is very slimming on you–“

George W. Bush: “– Wait, no records? Hell, I wish someone woulda told me that sooner. I have a Gordon Lightfoot tape in the limo I woulda been happy to bring to the party –“

Alberto Gonzales: “– Okay, you see? Now Madame Commissioner is sticking her tongue out at me! Such behavior is wholly inappropriate given the gravity of these proceedings…”

George W. Bush: “– got some John Denver in there, too. Don’t know about y’all, but I find his voice quite mellifluicacious…”

Dick Cheney: “– let me put it this way, then: if Richard Clarke were a flower, he’d be a lying little bitch flower. That’s all I’m saying.”

3 Replies to “Scenes from the 9-11 Commission Hearings, Private Session, The Oval Office”

  1. Jon Henke says:

    I’ll bet they didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.

    ….

    (you know)

  2. Scott says:

    Jon, from what I hear, nobody ever does.

  3. More comments,

    Richard Ben-Veniste: “President Bush, some people believe that you knew about 9/11 beforehand and could have prevented it.  How do you prove that you didn’t have knowledge of the tragic events of 9/11 a priori, and why didn’t you stop it anyway?  Please limit your answer to one word, because my time is limited.”

    Jamie Gorelick: “Who the hell does John Ashcroft think he is anyway, Bob Geldof playing Pink?”

    Bob Kerrey: “Mr. President, I’m shocked to suddenly learn from Terry McAuliffe that you may not have fulfilled your National Guard obligations while John Kerry was serving his country honorably in Vietnam. Please don’t interrupt me.  I’ll get to my question in about thirty-two minutes.”

Comments are closed.