oatmeal: “What’s with all the fuss over ‘high-fiber’ breakfast cereals lately? In my day, if you needed that badly to take a dump, you ate a fistful of prunes, downed a pot of black coffee, and grunted one out like a birthing Kodiak bear. And you liked it.
” — Seriously. What a bunch of pussies Americans have become.”*
Hey, oatmeal, I thought you were relatively high in fiber yourself. Do you feel some kind of “fiber deficiency” compared to some other breakfast foods? If so, seek help.
Oatmeal suffering from fiber envy? Say it ain’t so!
I eat oatmeal with cheese, just to tease my colon.
oatmeal: “I don’t flaunt it, cranky. My selling point is that I clot like healthy blood right there in your bowl.”
By the way. This post was for happy, who has a point.
Have your gallbladder explode and you will never have to worry about fiber again.
Once, when I lived in DC I came across an elderly black lady addressing what appeared to be a couple of her 20-something relatives. As I passed by I heard the tail end of one of them singing about something being “too hard”. In that forceful tone that Grandmas have used with young folks for millenia, I heard her say, “Too hard?!?…Boy, you young folks have gotten too soft these days!”…
It was all I could do to keep from falling down with laughter.
Oooops, typo. “singing” = winging; slang for whining/complaining.
Sorry, my typing skills are “soft”.
Hey Oat….eat a bowl of Cream o’ Wheat, smoke an unfiltered Camel or two, take a shot of Jack, and I dare you to fart. Bowls have been cracked.
I lurvs me some Cream O’Wheat, even better with a little cinammon sugar sprinkled on top. Or a lot.
As an adventurous eater JD, have you run into a dessert pizza worth the effort of the chew? If so, what was it?
No, I have not. I tend to go light and fresh on the rare occasion that I venture into dessert.
“Honestly. I’ve got a crap on deck that’d choke a donkey…”
If you consider flatulence a form of language, oatmeal can speak very well.
My oatmeal farts make more sense than this woman named “Jo” from Boca Raton.
Hell is a place without reason…
Sdferr – asked a friend who is studying to be a chef, and he said that on neopolitan style pie crust, carmelized figs, a touch of honey, lemon zest, and creme fraiche is outstanding.
Went to see my brother’s band play yesterday. They had a $3 all you can eat pizza buffet. Had some cinnamon strudel pizza which was very nice. How it’s made I have no idea.
That sounds interesting JD, thanks. My figs aren’t in yet but are coming close — then I’d only want for heavy cream and a few hours culturing. In the alternative running just now, I’ve got some plantains blackening apace, so mebbe I’ll go get that cream right quick.
There is pizza and there are other things that are influenced by pizza. I suppose you could call a calzone a folded pizza with some ricotta. But it is no longer a pizza when you do that, it is a calzone. It is a new species. These various experiments you describe may be good and tasty, but they are not pizza.
Speaking of prunes, etc., as a kid I attended a camp near the Canadian border where we took many canoe trips with many portages, and we skimped on food, and everything else, due to its weight and the lack of freeze dried fare back in the day. So on one trip I took a box of prunes, for some reason, to supplement the trip meals. I carried my three person 18′ Grumman canoe across the portages, and if you balanced the canoe just right on your shoulders, your hands didn’t need to do anything, so naturally I ate the whole box of prunes as I walked across one portage. Then we camped on a small island, where the final results became impresssive. I don’t remember anything else at all about the trip.
It must have been a “meaningful” experience.