In Heaven, for every five delicious homemade meatball sandwiches you purchase from this little family-run Italian joint across from our local head shop, you get one delicious meatball sandwich absolutely free. Free!
Had somebody back in West Hollywood thought of something like that, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t have gone completely bust charging up sushi and kingsized Sapporos in between paying gigs — then later counting on Feldman to doggy bag half his pastrami on toast from Greenblatt’s if I hoped ever again to eat anything other than shrimp-flavored Cup o’ Noodles.
— And artistically speaking, who knows where that might have led — though I am told by my agent that Dream a Little Dream 3: Revenge of the Sith was pretty much DOA at the time I kicked. So maybe hanging out here and enjoying delicious free meatball sandwiches every sixth day is the best thing for me. All else being equal.
Oh. And these are cool. If somebody wants to blow half a grand on a pair of jeans.
Sorry, don’t have that kind of money to blow on jeans.
But does Corey get the same kind of deal on his blow in the afterlife? Maybe he should have been a jihadist instead of a Hollywood tragedy, since hangin’ with the 72 virgins would have been so much more, er, rewarding than the every 7th meatball sandwich free.
I mean, considering he isn’t much of a ball player and all.
It appears Corey is learning.
Get he Wes Hollywood Chamber of Commerce on the line STAT!
“Get the West” Good God, I need a new keyboard…
I wouldn’t even spend $500 bucks on a new pair of jeans.
I did briefly wonder, “Who’s this Wes Hollywood guy and why does he have his own chamber of commerce? Is he related to Johnny Knoxville?
<close quote>
For the 500 bucks that pair of jeans better come equipped with a luscious, accomodating, disease-free young lady wearing them!
…
I’ll just go ahead and denounce myself now instead of waiting for JD.
We all just might be enjoying free meatball sandwiches soon cus I’m pretty sure that $500 Levi’s is a sign of the apocolypse;^).
The auction for those jeans expires in mere minutes. Bid now or lose out.
Note to self: check for sock puppets.
You people are looking at this jean thing all wrong. These aren’t mass produced. They are limited. Art made out of denim.
Brett Favre can have his fucking Wranglers. Me, I like to roll in style.
Sadly, I’m poor. But no so much that Obama’s willing to pony up and buy me celeb jeans. Fucker.
I only buy art through my local government. That way my taste, or lack thereof, never becomes an issue.
I wonder how Corey is earning the money to buy the food.
I wonder how Corey is earning the money to buy the food.
Heaven is like nishi’s posthuman utopian society. Money just is.
It grows on trees!
…shrimp-flavored Cup o’ Noodles…
In my (reluctantly admitted) experience, the only way to tell the difference between shrimp-flavored Cup o’ Noodles and all the other flavors is to rip the lid off immediately after nuking it, and inhaling deeply of the steam. And that illusion lasts maybe 5 seconds. Otherwise, any Cup o’ Noodles flavor comes from assorted spices and condiments added liberally by the consumer.
Maybe Heaven is different. But I would categorize shrimp-flavored Cup o’ Noodles that tastes like shrimp as a miracle on the order of fish and loaves feeding the masses.
Don’t step all over the illusion, Jeff.
Cup O’ Noodles kinda reminds me of the old story about soup from a nail.
One can make great soup from a nail, providing one has a lot of fabulous ingredients to add.
Hmm, the blog is eating my links to the Nail Soup story.
Rooster sauce covers a multitude of gastronomic sins.
Heaven is a small family owned business charging Corey Haim throught the nose for a meatball sandwich, and him thinking that a free sandwich is heavenly.
TANSTAAFL, brother!
Don’t step all over the illusion, Jeff.
Well, Corey is in Heaven, after all, Jeff. As shrimp are related to fish, it’s likely that this is indeed a miracle on the same order of fish and loaves feeding the masses. Just ignore the cardboard consistency of those noodles, and everything is kosher.
JeffS, I’m not too sure about Kosher noodles in Heaven.
Pedantically speaking.
Rooster sauce covers a multitude of gastronomic sins.
I prefer liberal dashes of Tabasco sauce, Frontman, but that’s my days of surviving on MREs and T-rations. Although Rooster sauce is more suitable for shrimp flavor enhancement, and thus more appropriate for this thread.
The fact that Rooster sauce is also known as “Cock sauce” is oddly relevant to this blog in general.
That should be “…but that’s FROM my days of surviving on MREs and T-rations.”
Clearly, field rations should not be discussed in the same thread as “free” heavenly meatball sandwiches.
JeffS, I’m not too sure about Kosher noodles in Heaven.
Neither am I. Maybe Corey can see if there are any kosher eateries in Heaven, and send Jeff some notes about them.
Jeff G, looks as if a whole flock of spamvertisers has descended on you.
Where?
JeffS – I dunno, I rather liked the old “Meatballs in BBQ Sauce” MRE. Two shingles, er, slices of pouch bread and there is your meatball sammich!
#16 cranky-d, I really don’t want to know the answer to that question…
True, LTC John, there are some field expedient methods of improving the MREs, but that borders on the miraculous as well. Me, I rather enjoyed heating up the cheese spread with lasagna, mixing them together, and then adding some Tabasco sauce. Or stashing mustard packets from the LOGPAC for when you get the ham slice MRE and two “slices” of pouch bread. Num!
I wonder if the Coreys ever ate a huge plate of shrooms and then one of them reversed gravity on the second floor of their house, and chased people by walking on his hands if they did not do the same, all while screaming OBEY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS! Or put on a hockey goalie outfit and jousted cars during a snow storm. Oops. Nevermind.
If you want those little flavor packets to taste right, you have to buy the actual asian brands. The ones that use MSG are preferable.
From Jonah, a rap tribute to family, diapers, the potty, and Toyota.
Rap just died a rather unexpectedly. I had my money on a Vanilla Ice comeback.
That was quite racist, bh.
Heard of a fella who set out to make the soup from a nail and his complaint was less about the flavor, nor the length of the cooking time to get ’em to soften up a little, but about the care he had to practice while clipping, capturing and saving up the buggers so he’d have enough of ’em.
Palate cleanser.*
… when we finesse that math…
sdferr
ick.
did toe nail fungus add flavor?
That was all sorts of gross, sdferr.
“Cup O’ Noodles kinda reminds me of the old story about soup from a nail.”
It was actually called “nail soup” during the depression.
You would put a nail in a container of water, and then knock on doors until you had enough ingredients to make a thin soup.
Hobo’s Lullaby…
I just spent over $14 at White Castle.
JD
What, did you cater a wedding?
that was funny cause I was confuzzled then I got it
JD is Stony McStonerson.
I was a bit hungry. More than a bit.
Great quote – that’s a 10-gallon hat on a 20-gallon head.
Does anyone know who performs the theme song to Justified, and the name of said song?
it’s not Owl City
“Long Hard Times To Come” by T.O.N.E-z and Rench of Gangstagrass.*
A good band I’m listening to now is The Kills. Here‘s a song.
Thanks, bh. That is one hell of a name.
JD, $14 worth of White Castle is an indication of something, and that something may or may not have anything to do with hunger.
The dude relisted the jeans, but he didn’t bring the price down to where I could afford them.
I was hoping he’d cut it back from $500 plus shipping to, say, $40, and maybe throw in a baseball cap or a pair of striped tube socks or something.
Damn.
By the way. If any of you fuckers buy those and kill the dream, we’ll have words. Bank on that.
The jeans are too small for me anyway.
Have you considered a heroin habit instead?
Did you know that all poppies produce the heroin precursor? The heroin poppies just have it in higher concentrations. Homegrown sister morphine for the masses!
I’ve got 10 or 20 pair like that boxed up in the basement. Saving for the time when Obama makes clothes too pricey to buy (or I need some cheap cutoffs). Wooden barrels are too retro and hard to find this Depression.
Damn, those jeans would fit me, if they were truly a 36″ waist and not 34’s. And had a slightly stretch waistband. So close…
That said, I think that any brand of jeans from a Goodwill store and a handful of sew-on patches that’ve been left out in the weather for a couple weeks would suffice. Especially if you tossed the jeans up in the air and perforated ’em with a couple blasts from a 12-gauge open-bore shotgun (which was a popular activity and a big-selling fad just 25 short years ago, btw…); why, you could make an e-bay killing.
That’s it. I’m selling my “oil change jeans” on ebay. Circa 1989 501’s, purple bandanna sewn in to cover the crotch rip, knees worn through, latin conjugations written in sharpie inside the right pocket, only two workable belt loops, one remaining back pocket (don’t keep your tools in your pockets kids) and they haven’t been worn in a year. I was allowed to rescue them from the trash if I called them a “rag”. They come pre-soaked with 16 years of oil and transmission fluid from 2 volvos and a whole shitload of minivans. Lately only touched by Mobile 1, “purple stuff” and knuckle blood. Would probably burn for months. 34×34. Will also part with a slightly melted cassette of the Cult, “Sonic Temple” Found it in my trunk. $250 plus shipping. Think of the history! I wore these to Lollapalooza that time I got food poisoning and shit myself in the mosh pit…ok..$10.
Whole bunch of old threads. Looks like someone’s cleaned them up a bit.
Probably best to close comments on threads that are more than, say, a couple of years old. If folks still want to comment on them, they can email you comments.
Just a suggestion. Some of your really old threads have hundreds of spamvertiser comments in them.
The thing is, jeans like these, for those of you who don’t know (apply haughty sniff here), are made differently than ordinary 501s. In addition to the vintage styling, you’re dealing with selvedge denim, created on old-style shuttle looms. They tend to use higher end fabric, as well.
I’ve been doing it for years, but the “rips” tend to be reinforced (from the inside) or expertly repaired, and consequently the jeans don’t feel as though they are about to fall apart.
I was never a believer in premium denim until I bought my first pair of Antik jeans (in Newman; I also like Eastwood and Bronson); and PRPS are absolutely amazing.
If you’re one of those dudes who tends to wear nothing but jeans, these are the kinds of jeans that get better the more you wear them. Sadly, the regular Levi’s tend to lose their shape and thin considerably over time. Their premium stuff is still great, though.
My favorite pair of Levi’s just ripped out in the crotch. I didn’t even hear it happen. Plus, the material is thin in the seat. Part of me wants to fix them, but most of me cannot see the point and says to throw them out already.
I don’t think I’m hip enough for the PRPS jeans, daddy-o.
I am in agreement with Jeff G on this one. The premium lines are amazing.
You learn something new everyday.
Would these be made with the higher quality denim?
Probably higher than the standard stuff you’d find at Target. But not their top quality stuff, either — which goes for several hundred dollars.
Better Half bought me jeans by Paper, 7 For All Mankind, and some Chip & Pepper, which I really like. However, my old Lucky jeans are by far and away my favorties.
Ahhh, so it would require a trip to one of those places where the hot sales women act like they’re gonna give you a handy in the changing room because you look so sexy in their jeans.
There’s worse ways to spend an afternoon.
Yes, yes, yes, bh. But you have to pick the right store, some of them have the arrogant, disinterested, and dismissive staffs.
I could use some casual clothes. My wardrobe is almost evenly split between suits and rags I should be embarrassed cleaning the gutters in. Like Eddie Murphy in Trading Places.
I suggest you find the nearest jean store that includes handy’s with the purchase of some way overpriced jeans.
Last time they kept trying to sell me a hat and a purple belt. Seriously. You’re way hot, sweetheart, but I don’t belong to a boy band.
Go for the wide white belt with the belt buckle, and the plaid fedora.
I am not in a boy band. I do not know how to pop and lock. Dressing like that I might get served.
“…how to pop and lock…”
What’s pop and lock?
What is pop and lock?
Here you go.
Oops, sdferr beat me to that one.
Every man should study choreography. A chicken in every pot. Ferrari in every driveway.
Pop and Lock looks an awful lot like the Chicken Dance.
I agree with Steph. Is that considered a skill?
Shit. I’ve been buying all my jeans online, and then whacking myself off.
Not quite the same, now that I think about it.
These are also cool. But not nearly as cool as the first pair.
Oh. If you are into the whole CoExist thing, these are awesome (look at the the enlarged pics).
It turns out I know nothing about jeans, though I’ve been wearing them since I was a kid. Such is life.
I’m old fashioned, I guess. I prefer it when the old dude brings the tape measure up to your ‘nads and asks if your junk hangs to the left or right.
Then I visit the tailor.
NTTAWWT, bh.
SARTORIALIST!
Oh. See, I had to look up “selvedge denim”.
I was trying to see if “Schwarzenegger” translated to anything interesting, and (aside from what it really means, which is someone from the village of Schwarzenegg) is “black selvedger”.
I gotta go get my Langenscheidt’s German dictionary. I’ll be back.
This feels like the right place for some OT.
… like a bitchy gay robot…
[…] via proteinwisdom […]
You can get your jeans tested at Walgreens now. Which is cool. Now you can find out if your Toughskins are made in Malaysia by some super-pissed off eight-year old.
If anyone needs me, by the way, I’ve given up. I’ll be in the basement playing Wii tennis. Hopefully the tornadoes will miss me today and someone will email me and tell me exactly which city in Texas I’m supposed to be in by 8am Monday. I know Texas isn’t all that big, but I gotta have something to put in the TomTom. You know, so I can drive there? Should only take what? 20-30 minutes? Maybe I’ll stop and pick up a taco and kill some vampires or something. Fuck it. I’m playing Wii and not going to worry about the brain atrophy caused by wearing those big fucking hats.