“Cattle rustling has a new face: A $3,200 fiberglass cow has been stolen from a Chick-Fil-A billboard near C-470 and Santa Fe Drive,” The Rocky Mountain News reports.
The cow, one of the company’s well-known mascots urging customers to ‘Eat Mor Chikin,’ was apparently taken during the weekend by thieves with far too much time on their hands.
They unbolted the 150-pound cow from the billboard and lowered it to the ground.
‘The little bandits were very innovative,’ said Gina Francis, a spokeswoman for the fast-food chain.
But, she said, they left tread marks on the ground below the billboard, suggesting a truck was waiting.
‘They weren’t covering their hooves,’ Francis said.
The company is chuckling — or is it clucking? — but still wants its cow back.
It filed a police report with the Douglas County Sheriff’s Office (‘It was hard to get a straight face,’ Francis said) and is offering free chicken sandwiches for a year for information leading to the safe return of the cow.
…And here it comes, wait for it:
The reward could be adjusted if a vegetarian assists in solving the crime, Francis said.*
Good lord.
*italics mine
Oh yeah? How about the possibility that a vegetarian is behind this crime? Sounds like another case of terrorism by animal rights activists.
Even is there is no proof they did it, this is the perfect excuse to round up PETA’s entire mailing list. Send them to the Gulags the left loonies keep screaming about. Lord knows they’re so far devoid of left loonies, so there should be room for PETA and the ELF.
Every state has its dumb-ass rednecks…
Here in Alabama, we have a 12-foot bronze statue of General Robert E. Lee that frequently vanishes, only to be replaced each time at taxpayer expense.
One thief, apparently lacking the equipment to steal the whole statue, settled for stealing the calvary saber the statue held. One of our local Civil War enthusiasts was enraged by this, and at one point during the meeting we were both attending, he asked, “Who the hell would want the sword off a bronze statue of Robert E. Lee, anyway?”
I responded, “A bronze statue of Ulysses S. Grant?”
He still won’t return my calls…
This reminds me of an incident here in the Boston area some time ago. The Hilltop Steakhouse, which is in both Saugus and Braintree, has fiberglass cows out on the grass in front of the Braintree location. One night someone came along, sawed the heads off, and made away with them.
<p>The owners were mighty pissed. They certainly had a right to be pissed about the vandalism to their property, but if you ask me, they could have had more of a sense of humor about the whole thing. I mean, it was funny.
<p>IIRC, they pleaded with the thieves to return the heads—there’d be no questions asked. The goods eventually turned up, I remember not where, and some local body shop got themselves a lot of good publicity for reattaching the severed bovine heads.