“Excuse me, sir,” an old man smelling of bacon and (perhaps) haddock, “but you wouldn’t happen to have some spare change, would you?”
He’d stumbled toward me from an alley alongside the Cricket store. His beard was the color of dishwater, and some sort of grease kept it matted down in patches like worn carpet. “No, man. Sorry. Who carries change anymore?” I tried looking him in the eyes — he seemed to be half-gazing out at me through a pair of shit-stained porcelain bowls — but once there I thought better of it and returned my attention to the leftovers woven through his beard. “How about a buck?”
“No paper,” he said. “Don’t trust it. And neither should you.” He peered around before leaning in, his voice softening to a whisper. “Masons.”
I nodded. “Oh yeah. Right, thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. Only next time –?”
“Only next time, coins.”
“Exactly,” he said. “Coins.”
~finis~
I didn’t know Ron Paul was visiting Colorado.
The next time you meet, you can explain that the coins aren’t worth anything either. The Masons got to them as well.
Kinda like Cormac McCarthy blended with Magnus Mills.
Can’t you just carry small chunks of gold around? Break old necklaces into one-inch pieces. The Hostages were debating the other day what to call their own-made up currency.
As expected, it got obscene.
Thinking about it again, it’s obvious I’m missing something here. In other words, situation normal.
Really?
Carin – what name did they settle on? I like semolians.
Listen, Paul. If you don’t like me, or my site, or the people who hang out here, then why are you here all the time? Honestly. Go find something better to do with your time.
I’m sure SEK has written an absolutely BRILLIANT piece on Avatar by now. Go. Enjoy yourself! Be free of my pedestrian ways and tired wit!
Break old necklaces into one-inch pieces.
A while back I was reading a piece by an Argentinian on his experiences during their hyperinflation. He mentioned that gold jewelry was a much more accepted means of exchange as compared to gold coins, which were individually too great in value to be of much use in daily life.
That Paul dude can’t be a completely self-absorbed wanker, as he seems determined to hump your leg, Jeff.
Carin – what name did they settle on? I like semolians
Well, of course nothing could be settled. The Goatse. The Gorn. The Smegma. Dave in Texas seemed fond of “Dave Bucks.”
Smegmas are what Lazaro likes to eat for breakfast.
Paul Lazaro is one of those toejams that is a hatey hater on behalf of that lying deceitful hater SEK, no?
If Stinkfinger directed his Rly towards me, I’ll just note that the stylistic elements I’m speaking of are fairly obvious if you’re remotely familiar with either author.
You rate a bored shrug by my measure.
Spurn the wisdom of eel-fart whispers at your peril.
Yet they, like Sunday microfictions, may change on a whim.
Paul – how do my balls taste?
Want to know how to spurn at high school girl level? Take notes on current US foreign policy.
through a a pair
I know it bothers serious-minded Birchers like Ed Henderson but, to me, it’s this eclectic combination of posts that makes pw unique.
Comment by JD on 3/14 @ 1:48 pm #
Paul – how do my balls taste?
Like your sister’s vagina.
Have a nice day.
Stinkfinger smells kinda thorish.
Yup.
You know, though, the Israeli’s really should give the Palestinian real estate developers a shot at the West Bank, they have done such a marvelous job with the Gaza Beach.
I guess if I had a sister, that might make sense. As is, Lazaro is just a portable ballwasher.
Building apartments puts our national security and our troops at risk. Just ask Joe.
Prolly not turkey bacon. Which is all we get around my house anymore, unfortunately. More costly in coins but it supposedly counters the bad cholesterols.
Turkey bacon is to bacon as tofu is to a porterhouse.
“Building apartments puts our national security and our troops at risk. Just ask Joe.”
JD,
As I’m sure your aware pulling out of commitments prematurely is what puts Americans at risk (See Somalia, Mogadishu).
1600 new apartments in Jerusalem is a threat to our troups?
I’m willing to take the risk – no, actually I insist on it.
If Hamas/Hezbollah/Al Qaeda or any other islamic extremist group doesn’t like something then that’s what we should do. And keep on doing it until their credibility and influence is destroyed.
You know what is really a threat to our troops? When American leaders go over there and grovel like craven fucking curs to Hamas and the rest of that scum.
Meanwhile, we need a new word for dishonest. All the ones we have now are woefully inadequate for these times.
h/t these folks
B Moe
Oh my, I got an overwhelming urge to punch Reid right in the mouth.
You sometimes hear people down here in the South say of someone “the truth ain’t in him.” In Reid’s case I don’t think that is hyperbole. The man is totally devoid of the truth. That video is amazing.
Vol. Un. Tary.
Ours go to eleven.
reid would make a good pet shop owner – he would tell you that the parrot isn’t dead
Attention voters of Nevada – that video shows how fucking stupid Sen Reid thinks you are.
Another shot across the bow.
November can’t get here quick enough!
I’m watching Axelrod lie his ass of on tv right now. I better turn it off and hit the sack before I throw something through the screen.
Gnight all,
and keep firing. Anyone that can join Mr W. in DC please consider doing so.
Thanks
I was nowhere near the Cricket store…
Removing a Verifone from his inside pocket, the old man said, “I take Visa, Master Charge, Discover, and American Express.”
But srsly, a wizened old weather-beaten fellow accosted me outside of Bean Soopers and insisted on $36.00 exactly. I cannot describe the look of disgust that fell over his face when I handed him $2.00. (I live in heavy pan-handling area near the Civic Center so I don’t set out without $2.00 pre-folded in my front pocket because I expect to be approached even by walking a single block.)
The next day I was approached again. This time a man asked for 25¢. Handed him the bills, but thought, “You know, you really have to up your game.”
Good Lord. Watching Reid explain how US taxes are voluntary reminded me of a thousand “debates” with trolls around here.
It’s like watching a used car salesman explain how the undercoating he’s trying to sell is free because it will be included in the financing.
Evil fucker…
I figure this “voluntary” a couple ways.
Rangel is home free because he didn’t “volunteer”.
The IRS is like a Sergeant. Every April 15th they come around and say “I need 150 million “volunteers”, NOW!
If America comes as unglued as the gold bugs predict, don’t buy gold. Buy a gun.
Too late. Don’t expect to ever see it again either. It’s so over.
I usually ask for volunteers, and then chose those who are “volun-told” if not enough people step forward.
Investing in lead and brass makes more sense to me too, sdferr.
Ed Henderson is just another of RD’s aliases. Sad way to spend a life, it seems to me, but let’s just go with the pomoflow and say something like, well, who are we to judge?
[Handed him the bills, but thought, “You know, you really have to up your game.”]
Be damned, if that did not make me smile.
I never ask for volunteers. I just start looking sad and disappointed and slowly congeal into a scowl… Used to work better when I was just home from deployment. Must have still had the 1000 yard stare going.
Jeff,
Awesome. Made my day. I’m in a better mood already.