Disturbing revelations, courtesy of Salon: “Ted Williams’ heirs may be feuding over what to do with his body now that the legendary slugger has passed on to that field of dreams in the sky, but Larry Hagman, of dimly remembered ‘Dallas’ and ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ fame, is spelling out his last requests in no uncertain terms.”

‘When I die, I want my friends to eat me,’ Hagman told celebrity researcher Baird Jones the other day. ‘I want to be fed through a wood chipper, be spread over a wheat field, then have a cake baked from the crop for all my pals to munch on.’

Don’t think he hasn’t contemplated the alternatives.

‘Cremation’s fine, but it uses an awful lot of energy,’ Hagman says. ‘Burying someone in a steel casket doesn’t do any good. I want to return to the earth as soon as possible.’

Thus, the cake plan.

‘I want the cake to be made of half marijuana, which makes people so much less violent than booze, and people should learn to eat pot rather than smoke it because it damages the heart and lungs less that way,’ Hagman opines.

Shocked at the aging actor’s drug endorsement? Hagman contends you shouldn’t be, bleating, ‘It’s high time someone my age talked this way.’

High being the operative word.

Me, I’ll take a pass on that slice of weed-infused Hagman crumpet, thanks. Though should Barbara EDEN ever wanna be munched on, have her give me a ring…! [insert rimshot here].

[Related: “What’s she, like 100-years old now, Barbara Eden? That’s just really not funny. You’re a sad little pig, is what you are” — Jeff’s wife, evidently unamused]