H.D. Miller of Travelling Shoes offers his “Unified Field Theory of Entertainment,” under which theory both French cinema (rightfully) and the European fascination with soccer (blessedly) take well-deserved beatings from their American entertainment counterparts:
One of the best examples of the superiority of American cinematic art is that the French think of Gerard Depardieu as a romantic lead, while at best, we consider him (big-nosed, lumpy, and pockmarked) a suitable actor for low-energy, formula comedies —The Gallic Jim Belushi.
This entertainment gap is perfectly reflected in the differences between American and European sports. Football is plainly superior to Futbol. (Hell, Fooseball is clearly superior to Futbol.) Soccer is so boring that the fans have to resort to creating their own violence and mayhem in the stands as an anedote to the boredom induced by the glacial pace of the game. Yet when your basic English soccer hooligan is exposed to the controlled violence and mayhem of NFL football, he loves it, even as he behaves himself in the stands. How else to explain the fact that the annual NFL pre-season game in Wembley Stadium in London always sells out to 85,000 football-crazed Englishmen?
The funny thing is, he wrote it, like, a decade a go, and it’s still relevant today.
Yes, football (soccer) gets bashed over and over again. Seems American liberals and conservatives have something they can agree on. Meanwhile I will blissfully continue with this monthlong sleep deprivation experiment known as World Cup ‘02. And when I go to the game, I get my choice of seats and there’s plenty of beer to go around. Thank you all.
Wow, how completely irrelevant and short sited was all of that claptrap. For my money baseball & basketball are only marginally more exciting then say . . . watching a ferris wheel go round and round and certainly no more entertaining then soccer. Football will forever reign supreme in my household. Ritual combat at its finest!! But for now I am content to watch the finest soccer players in the world duke it out in the far-East.
Baseball: Exciting, steeped in history and nuance and strategy, America’s pastime. Soccer: shirtless Italian boys with big calves kissing each other.
Don’t you two love your country?