SPOILER WARNING (I think Great Mencken’s Ghost wanted that here)
It was a good thing that we arrived at the theater early for the movie, yesterday, because apparently tons of moms are Star Trek nerds, and tons of families decided to celebrate Mother’s Day the same way we did (after the brunch and church &ct.). Kirk canoodles with a green alieness. There’s an earthquake and rocks tumble. There’s lots of beaming up. Bones keeps sticking him with injections. Fistfights. Kirk hanging on at edge of cliff, space platform numerous times. Needs more power from Scotty. Baddie tries to turn Captain Pike into progg by dropping alien insect in his mouth. Young Spock mind melds baddie without prior consent. Out of the mouth of hell I snark at thee. Shit blows up. Winona Ryder dies.
SPOILER WARNING
Skinny Yeomen.
If they’d just shot the frikking drilling device they first time they saw it, we’da had a 45 minute movie and Leonard coulda stayed in his La-Z-Boy…
SPOILERS ABOVE
Husband and I saw it Sunday morning, too. Loved it. I’ll get my own review blurb in here sometime later.
MORE SPOILERS
Why is a mining ship armed to the gills with torpedos?
How does one escape the effects of the crushing gravity while passing through a black hole?
What the frack is red matter?
If there are three guys on a mission, why is one guy carrying all the mission-critical explosives?
Who builds a starship without any safety rails on open platforms? Seriously?
Why didn’t Mom take two steps forward, thereby saving her own life?
Will the remake the original Trek series now with the new actors in the new time-line?
END OF SPOILERS
Engaged in the willing suspension of disbelief and thoroughly enjoyed the crap out of it. I’d see it again, even at full price.
the = they
SPOILER
You didn’t mention that there’s no particular reason Old Spock should have been in that cave. But see, that’s extending production values to the plot line.
Crushing gravity?
Can we get a few spoilers about the nude green alien ? Was she nude or semi-nude ? Is Alpha Centauri stripping her of her Miss AC crown ? Was she played by Bristol Palin ?
I didn’t like it.
It would have been “Miss Orion”.
Chris Pine utterly pwn3d Shatner. Abrams pwn3d Roddenberry. That’s my review.
Why is a mining ship armed to the gills with torpedos?
Prior to their Voyage of Vengeance, they got all armed and stuff.
Who builds a starship without any safety rails on open platforms? Seriously?
Romulans with tattooes, that’s who.
Will the remake the original Trek series now with the new actors in the new time-line?
I hope so. Much less suckage that way.
Is it just me or did this movie have the exact same villian as the last horrible Star Trek movie. The one with Patrick Stewart and another bald villain with a huge spaceship intent on destroying Earth.
You didn’t mention that there’s no particular reason Old Spock should have been in that cave.
The Vengeful Vindictive Romulans put him on that planet because it was proximate enough to Vulcan that Spock could see the implosion of his own planet. Then after the implosion, Spock took shelter. And as the Enterprise booked out of the region of the imploding planet, it was convenient to ditch Kirk there, too.
Spock ditched Kirk on a frozen wasteland with no food or cold weather gear. Why didn’t he just execute him?
My prediction is Terminator Salvation will be the biggest movie of the summer followed closely by Transformers 2. I would bet on a Terminator or a Transformer against a bald alien any day of the week.
HAIRIST!
Well, excepting Patrick Stewart, that describes half the Star Trek movies.
(V’ger was hairless, right? At least, there was the hairless chick who merged with V’ger. Then there was the whale-probe thingy — also hairless.)
that describes half the Star Trek movies
So the way to conquer these guys is with Rogain?
It was Star Trek Nemesis. It had the same exact plot as that movie even down to the space ship looking the exact same.
The bad guys space ship I mean. Of course the Enterprise looks the same. Jesus I need another cup of coffee.
I do not understand your hostility to Ms. Ryder. She is pretty and nice and professional and she is a very good actress person and also she is pretty so stop it.
The difference between Nemesis and this one, was that this one was really good.
Also, Spock didn’t leave Kirk out there to die. The computer plainly said that there was a Federation outpost less that 10km from the landing site and instructed Kirk to wait for pick-up. He decided to ignore that. That’s the same outpost where Scotty and the little insect dude where at.
Winona Ryder is a female version of Keanu Reeves. Plus she steals.
I think Up is a dark horse Mr. Pink what maybe might could do substantially better than the Terminator one or the Transformers 2 one.
Thought the mining ship reminded me a lot more in form and function to the the Planet-Killer from the episode “The Doomsday Machine” in the original series.
21
I saw that part but did Scotty and the little green dude look like they were enroute to pick him up? It seemed to me they didn’t even have a clue who Kirk was or that he was in distress. Scotty thought he was there to deliver food.
pizza?
No no no no no. At the very least you can see really easy with a click or two that the Ms. Ryder has made much better choices about what movies she will do than Keanu, who is a moron. Also she is pretty. Also she has made a point very much so far of not saying stupid shit… a feat which you can contrast favorable with retarded dirty socialist hoochies such as Renee Zellweger, Gwynneth Paltrow, and Reese Witherspoon.
oh. *favorably* that should be. Also I have no intention of seeing this Star Trek movie at all cause yawn with teh Star Trek I think.
*I do not understand your hostility to Ms. Ryder*
You forgot “clepto”.
I’m reading some weird things about T:Salvation – for example, Conner’s not nearly as big a part as the commericals are making it seem -there’s some other guy as the lead. I like Bale quite a bit and was looking forward to him fleshing out the older Conner character but I’m getting the impression this movie doesn’t do that.
Transformer 2 had me at “Megan Fox”. That much hotness on IMAX may be a bit too much for my heart, however.
Happy did you see Mr. Deeds or Alien Resurrection?
ok NOT. Ms. Ryder gives gives gives much more than she takes I think and fuck those Saks Fifth Avenue nazis.
I missed Mr. Deeds but Alien Resurrection I thought was okay… I loved Fincher’s one though.
I had almost forgotten Ms. Ryder is even in the film. She has, what, two or so lines?
Wouldn’t it have been possible to write this review without actually going to see the movie?
That’s why it didn’t have a spoiler warning, at first, JD.
Just checking, Dan. Good stuff, by the way.
SPOILER WARNING
At least they removed the possibility that Bruce Banner returns in the future by taking another trip through the black hole (can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m about sick of Star Trek time-travel plot contrivances) by shooting the shit out of it. Be sort of fun if the ruined hulk of the Rom mining ship emerged another 25 years in the future, though.
There comes a point in any person’s life when the acceptance of mercantile interests’ dominance over aesthetic endeavors becomes a reason to enjoy something rather than denigrate it.
Big screen explosions. Lotsa action. Wheeee!
I was never more disappointed in a movie than the first time I saw Star Wars on HBO – on a 15″ B&W TV with one small speaker. Actually trying to listen to the dialogue without all the flashy stuff made the film clearly seem designed for the mentally challenged.
I liked when Kirk died twice in one movie, and I liked when the giant earwigs got into Chekov’s brain, but most of the rest of the movies seemed like unaired TV episodes, composed from cuttings on the editing room floor. This one is a cut above that, I suppose.
IT would be better if Leonardo DiCaprio died in it, but I feel that way about most movies.
Paris Hilton getting offed is always good in movies too. She gets a pole thrown threw her head in House of Wax.
All her movies involve her head and a pole at some point.
A number of years ago Mattel tried to test-market a Winona Ryder doll, but they couldn’t get any useful data. It kept stealing itself.
I just love these opportunities to resurrect old jokes.
*She gets a pole thrown threw her head in House of Wax.*
Interesting fact- nothing poured out of said head after it was impaled by said pole. I assume this was done on purpose, as a larger metaphor that paris hilton is dumb as batshit. Deep stuff, if one thinks about it. Which one shouldn’t.
Rob’s got comment of the thread however. She appears to be extremely in adequate when it comes to her pole work based on her prior work. I’ll never see paris the same way after experiencing her in night vision.
#10 Feh. If you threw Nichelle Nichols or Grace Lee Whitney at Chris Pine he’da shuffled his feet and blushed like a schoolboy. Joan Collins woulda eaten him alive.
SPOILERS
Howcum they couldn’t just beam the Vulcan DNC out of the temple?
Orion dancing girls wear their chainmail bikinis in the sack? That can’t be comfortable.
SPOILERS
Because the planet drill thingamajigger prevented the beam whoosadinghy from working.
How come all the aliens spoke freakin English? Even on their own ships talking to themselves they spoke English.
44. __ they still had phasers and torpedos.
sister hood quandrant lez be fiends…
seven of nine.,..
whee..
block a fuckin buster!
it’s not the marketing campaign…
it’s the greasy fries!
Fringe effect from the Tardis’ translator circuit.
loved the film must watch for everyone
Babelfish!
Loved the film and seriously everyone should go ahead and watch it.
This new movie was absolute CRAP. Gene or Majel would never have allowed it. It destroys his whole universe and sets the ground work for loads of shitty crap from Paramount. This movie does not deserve to make any money but if it doesn’t how can they fix it. And the other worst part is the Directing which shows that the guy had absolutlly no ifinity for the subject matter. OMG the only worst part was the script which was absence common sense.
Save your money do not bother seeing this in theatres.
my burger king thing
came with two sides! and a thing
they’ll pimp anything
too bad/ i wanted to c this movie
every hype/
sucks/
thanks