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The REAL Scandal of Dijongate [Dan Collins]

At Legal Insurrection, William Jacobson is tracking the scandal of the various coverups of “Just Arugula Guy” Barack Obama’s apparent addiction to dijon mustard (pronounced “Paw-kee-Stawn”). Stacy has thoughts on this subject, too. Neither of them, however, drills to the bottom of the OUTRAGE.

The Andrea Mitchell video of the visit of President Macho’s visit to Hell Burger is clearly dated yesterday, Cinco de Cinco. With Mexico reeling from the Swine Flu scare and drug cartels run amok, our president decides to eat a hamburger with dijon mustard! With “I meant don’t travel to Mexico” Joe! What does Cinco de Cinco celebrate? A Mexican victory over the French! If the Mexicans hadn’t won that battle, we’d all be eating our tacqeaux with dijon mustard!

What an ass.

109 Replies to “The REAL Scandal of Dijongate [Dan Collins]”

  1. Abe Froman says:

    Aside from the fact that I think any mustard on a hamburger is disgusting, when did dijon mustard become some pretentious, highfalutin’ condiment? Do people not realize those Grey Poupon commercials were meant as a joke?

  2. […] unrelated, just fun, Protein Wisdom: Regular guy Obama puts Dijon on his Hell burger on Cinco de Cinco … French mustard on the […]

  3. Squid says:

    French mustard on a german sandwich is just wrong. It’s like putting german mustard on your french toast.

  4. Alec Leamas says:

    Are they still even trying to rationalize their public relations services for Brackabama as journalism? ???

  5. Joe says:

    Now he has to pick a Hispanic to the Supreme Court.

    But if he goes with Sotomeyer, she’s Puerto Rican. Mexicans slighted again!

    Just let the man finish his waffle!

    Useless Trivia of the Day: Squid, before WWI, French toast was known in this country as German toast. As for mustard on it…maybe if you made a Monte Cristo sandwich.

  6. Joe says:

    I am no fan of Michael Savage, but what the fuck is all this about? I would say it was a joke, except they are really serious about banning guys like Savage because they do not like what he is saying (and the attacks on Rush, Beck and others are part of that).

    Does that mean I get to ban Al Franken? Or what about Michael Moore?

  7. Joe says:

    Homeschooler 16 year old arrested under Patriot Act? Carin, I thought of you when I read this. Everying okay at home?

  8. Carin says:

    Oh my Lord, Joe. That’s a horrible story.

  9. Rob Crawford says:

    That story’s fishy, Joe. The Feds may very well be out of bounds, but the way it’s written is over-wrought.

    For example:

    “There’s nothing a matter of public record,” Boyce said “All those normal rights are just suspended in the air.”

    But earlier in the story:

    Around 10 p.m. on March 5, Lundeby said, armed FBI agents along with three local law enforcement officers stormed her home looking for her son. They handcuffed him and presented her with a search warrant.

    So there’s no due process and no records, yet she was handed a search warrant?

    Like I said, there may be some wrong-doing in this case, but the story reads to me like it was cribbed from a defense attorney’s press release.

  10. gus says:

    He ordered his hamburger medium well. The man is a monster.

  11. Joe says:

    Rob, I do not know if the story pans out or not (perhaps the kid really was up to something), but the idea that someone could potentially steal your IP and get a swarm of FBI agents at your home is frightening.

    Meanwhile back at Pajamamedia Headquarters a new post in response to John Hawkins saying conservatives need to be kinder and gentler.

  12. alppuccino says:

    Hamburger is murder. Delicious murder. But murder, nonetheless.

  13. psycho... says:

    Mustard preference is stupid shit (though the elision of it in this particular story is a fine example of blah blah blah), but how intent Obama is on this particular bit of stupid shit is revealing.

    It shows how important it is to him to get shitty with the help — so important that he’s developed a tic to do it with. There’s a damn decade of documented demands for “dijon,” which is so vague a demand that it’s nothing but one.

    The only way you can underestimate this fuck is by underestimating what a childish prick he is. So put away those Mussolini analogies. Wrong guy.

  14. Carin says:

    Every time the media comes out with one of these completely stupid stories, we need to KNOW that they are attempting to provide cover for something else.

  15. Sdferr says:

    So, Mr. Peres, schmeer a chuck of revelation fish over the cream cheese on my bagel there, that’s a good fella. Hold the onion.

  16. donald says:

    Update for BMoe from Mr. Ghandi/Love (For all pepulz). We’re partying like it’s 1986 jack.

  17. happyfeet says:

    yellow mustard is fine, usually

  18. happyfeet says:

    “I was terrified,” Lundeby’s mother said. “There were guns, and I don’t allow guns around my children. I don’t believe in guns.”

    I don’t like her as much as I like other people what don’t say inane shit like that when their kid’s freedom is hanging in the balance.

    Lundeby told the officers that someone had hacked into her son’s IP address and was using it to make crank calls connected through the Internet, making it look like the calls had originated from her home when they did not.

    She needs to shut her mouf and get a lawyer or that poor little kid’s gonna be a stranger to daylight for a long long time.

  19. happyfeet says:

    The thing about yellow mustard is, do you get the jar or do you get the squeezey rich people yellow mustard? I go back and forth.

  20. happyfeet says:

    Hamburger is murder. Delicious murder. But murder, nonetheless.

    Me and NG went to In-N-Out yesterday. It’s that one what’s supposed to be so ooh this is teh greatest burger. It’s a burger. Californians are stupid in the head. Even NG thinks so sometimes. At least about the way they lavish praise on a fucking In-N-Out burger. I know cause we talked about it on the way back.

  21. Dan Collins says:

    I wash out the squeezy bottle and reuse it.

  22. happyfeet says:

    In my world though for real there’s no ooh that’s the greatest hamburger ever I love those hamburgers so much I could eat them every day yay hamburger. I must be jaded.

  23. Alec Leamas says:

    Yellow mustard blows Goats. Germans and Polacks make very fine mustard. The French shit is so-so.

  24. Pablo says:

    It’s the fries, ‘feets.

  25. Pablo says:

    They were building my house and there were hammers. I don’t believe in hammers. What happened to our country?

  26. happyfeet says:

    That’s super-smart Dan … I usually get the squeezey kind just for to take to work and keep up appearances, otherwise a jar at home will last forever unless I’m assaulted by evil corndog marketers then it tends to go pretty fast. I hate our president, Dan.

  27. Pablo says:

    The Chinese know how to make mustard.

  28. happyfeet says:

    The In-N-Out fries are good – I used to just have NG or OG pick me some up when they went and I’d eat them with wasabi GourMayo but Ralph’s stopped carrying it. Which I took to mean they were looking out for me.

  29. Pablo says:

    I think there’s crack in those fries. I could eat eleventy million of them. That’s probably why I’m on the East Coast now. That, and Cali is wack. I’m going back in a couple of weeks anyway. And I’m gonna have some fries.

  30. SarahW says:

    #9. I agree with Rob about that. Also the “hacked into my ISP” story sounds like a sad case of maternal denial. Her kid made crank-call bomb threats, and she doesn’t like the Patriot Act applying to that. Because he’s slight in size and only 16, and her kid.

  31. Dan Collins says:

    Yeah, it’s hard to lay off the corndogs, given what’s going on with this country, hf.

    I’m sure they’ll levy a new corndog tax, on top of the potential ethanol premium.

  32. lee says:

    I think anyone that goes to a burger joint and asks for changes or substitutions has personal problems. Advanced and acute prissiness. Too delicate to be sporting a set of testicles.

    Just eat the fucking burger.

    There is an exception though, at the McDonalds drive thru, I ask for no onions on my 1/4 pounder. I like it better with onions, but will sacrifice them to get a fresh burger over that one that’s been sitting under the heat lamp for the last half hour.

  33. JD says:

    Spicy brown mustard with horseradish, but I am a racist.

    Medium well? Why not just order some charcoal?

  34. gus says:

    I hear it’s Muslim custom to eat medium well burgers with French mustard. That and beheadings.

  35. happyfeet says:

    I get the ones what are the “State Fair” brand. It’s weird that there’s not a really good premium corn dog on the market – unless you count that crappy healthy kind and I hate that brand. MorningStar Farms is a Kellogg’s brand – they’re those ones what pissed all over Michael Phelps. Screw them and their phony healthy corn dogs and screw Barack Obama I think. Dirty socialist mustard snob and I bet he shames Mr. Phelps in the potsmoking department. Probably cause Mr. Phelps just smokes a little socially to have fun and Barack Obama smokes weed to self-medicate cause of his mommy and daddy didn’t love him and he has self-esteem issues derivative of being a Hungarian Nazi’s butt monkey.

  36. geoffb says:

    Food is like sports. You can argue all day and in the end no one gets killed or jailed unlike the political scene.

    My likes are mine, YMMV, no Your Mileage Will Vary, and I’m happy about it too.

    I’m with psycho @ #13 on the O! though.

  37. gus says:

    I can prove that the big eared mother fokker isn’t American. Americans put ketchup (not catsup) on their hamburgers Even Heinz.

  38. phoenixgirl says:

    cinqo de drunco perhaps?

  39. gus says:

    Muslims don’t eat pork. Obama doesn’t eat pork. It’s the transitive property. Watch the big eared fokker will order an all beef hot dog with mayo!!

  40. geoffb says:

    Happyfeet,

    We have gotten into the Kellogg thing before but not this time. When you go off on them I have decided to just smile.

    Living where I do is a constant love/hate relationship with the company that looms so large in everything around here. They have made my little city prosperous but in return have made demands that affected everyone living here.

    Trade offs are life. And I can always move and you can always eat some other brand. That’s a free system. What Obama is trying to bring about will be so much worse than anything a Kelloggs can do to either of us.

    So we must fight on, together, even with the lousy crappy “health” corndogs out there ruining the good name of Corndog, redefining it, stealing it’s meaning for everyone.

  41. happyfeet says:

    I am proud to fight by your side, geoff.

  42. Ric Locke says:

    In my world though for real there’s no ooh that’s the greatest hamburger ever I love those hamburgers so much I could eat them every day yay hamburger. I must be jaded.

    Yeah. If it ain’t Whataburger, it ain’t much. I do admit to rather liking the green chili stuff from Carl’s Jr. out there, though.

    Regards,
    Ric

  43. McGehee says:

    There are two very different places I will go if I want to have a burger that seems special. Red Robin, and Five Guys.

    Mostly though I’ve taken to getting a Western Bacon combo at Hardee’s. It’s closer to home than the other places. I like the WB because by default it comes without mayo, which at Hardee’s is such a miracle I won’t need to hit the cuss jar when I say it’s a fucking miracle.

  44. JD says:

    The Hardees Western Bacon rocks, primarily because of Padma’s commercial ;-)

    5 Guys is my favorite chain. Incomparable.

    Burge Bar in St. Louis is my fave individual, but their fries suck like Monica. Black Angus wrapped in prosciutto with peppered bacon and Wisconsin cheddar. Orgasmic.

  45. BJT-FREE! says:

    Bobby Flay, self described maven of all things grilled and chipolted, gives two thumbs up to 5 Guys as the best chain burger around.

    Padma is, however, better looking than Flay.

  46. JD says:

    Padma on a sesame seed bun with a side of bacon …

  47. McGehee says:

    My affection for the WB goes back to when I lived in Sacramento, where I discovered it at Carl’s Jr. It wasn’t until I was moving to Georgia from Alaska ten years ago I learned that Hardee’s belonged to the same parent corporation, but it’s only been much more recently I’ve been seeing Carl’s Jr. menu items consistently at Hardee’s.

    And I reiterate: a burger at Hardee’s that comes without mayo by default, is a fucking miracle.

  48. McGehee says:

    As for Five Guys, what makes me gun-shy about going there mostly is that the place ought to be packed to the rafters from opening to closing. Most times I’ve gone there I’ve been lucky not to have to fight a crowd, but I know it can’t last.

  49. JD says:

    Dijon – could he be any more faggy Frenchette than ordering a greasy burger with Dijon? Good Allah. They should have refused to serve them, just on principle. I mean, fuckin’ Biden asked if they would put the ketchup on for him. Sanctmonious wanker.

  50. Matt says:

    Wasn’t Paris Hilton all about some in and out ?

  51. Silver Whistle says:

    Any mustard that doesn’t make the roof of your mouth roll up like a carpet, and your nose hairs stand on end, is for metrosexual, lilac Croc wearers.

  52. happyfeet says:

    Whataburger was my dad’s favorite. They make a good burger and tasty rings. Don’t forget the rings.

  53. McGehee says:

    Next time I’m in Texas or thereabouts I’m going to try Whataburger.

  54. Makewi says:

    Everyone wants teriyaki and pineapple on their burgers here, which makes me feel like I’m in a foreign country sometimes.

  55. Dan Collins says:

    I think it sucks that hf’s dad’s not around anymore.

  56. happyfeet says:

    Me too. Mostly I wonder what he would have thought of that guy my sister is hooked up with. I just don’t get it. I wonder that a lot but whenever I see them I wonder it more than usual.

  57. Dan Collins says:

    ‘Nuff said. I mean, unless you want to say more, hf.

  58. router says:

    john kerry & teresa heinz @ wendys is my fav elitist snob moment

  59. SBP says:

    The thing about yellow mustard is, do you get the jar or do you get the squeezey rich people yellow mustard?

    Plochman’s is rich people mustard?

  60. happyfeet says:

    The squeezey kind with the twisty thing is the premium package configuration is all I mean. Like they have that squeezable mayo now too. It doesn’t have a twisty thing though. The working man mustard is just a plastic jar with a lid. It’s like do you buy the WIC milk or branded milk like Borden’s or Alta Dena? Me I buy the WIC milk. I never realized this until my friend T pointed it out.

  61. SBP says:

    Ah… probably depends on what part of the country you’re in.

    Around these parts, Plochman’s is definitely a working-class condiment.

    Huh… according to their site, they were the “first successful squeeze condiment”. 1957.

  62. JD says:

    We still get our milk in glass bottles from a dairy.

  63. happyfeet says:

    Actually Plochman’s is behind only Grey Poupon and Guldens in terms of the income of households what consume it. Substantially behind them, to be sure, but ahead of French’s, Heinz, Hellman’s and Kraft. Grey Poupon is far and away the rich people mustard, just as dijon is far and away the type of mustard most favored by wealthier households. But wtf is dijonnaise mustard? Hell if I know. brb. Interesting.

    the perfect condiment concoction. Somehow they manage to infuse mustard with what seems like creamy mayo, only without all the nasty fat and calories. How on earth do they do it? We NEED to know! Dijonnaise is great on sandwiches, and makes award-winning tuna or chicken salad. Dij it up!

    They say for you to dij it up. That’s hard to argue with.

  64. SBP says:

    Interesting. At my local store, Plochman’s and French’s cost almost the same (7.8 and 7.5 cents per ounce, respectively). Grey Poupon costs 39 cents per ounce. Gulden’s is 10.4 cents per ounce.

    Again, possibly a regional thing. I don’t remember ever seeing Plochman’s on the West Coast.

  65. SBP says:

    Oh, and the store brand is only about 4 cents per ounce.

  66. happyfeet says:

    Yes – it could be a regional thing where the Plochman brand just doesn’t have the distribution to get carried in enough below-average income homes. Just the way the numbers fall out… still, their customers are their customers. I get the Ralph’s brown mustard… I don’t know how much it costs but it’s what I mix with stuff for my eggroll sauce back when I ate eggrolls before JD made me understand that the eggrolls I had been eating were sort of crappy.

    I think the milkman dairy thing sounds neat but I just get skim milk and I kinda don’t think there’s any difference one to the other.

  67. router says:

    i’m glad to see dijon is the prefered mustard for a crap sandwich

  68. McGehee says:

    dijonnaise

    Years ago somebody advertised this with a jingle that riffed on “Duke of Earl.” “Dij, dij, dij, dijonnaise, dij, dij, dijonnaise, dij, dij…” You get the idea.

    I never saw much point in it even then since I was using Miracle Whip for all my colorless-goop-on-a-sandwich needs. These days mustard with mayonnaise in it sounds like what you get when you add a drop of sewage to champagne.

  69. happyfeet says:

    but it’s so healthy you have to dij it up it says. Me and NG already decided we would give it a go. We’re very psyched.

  70. JD says:

    Happy – Sorry to have ruined your eggrolls for you.

  71. SBP says:

    I was using Miracle Whip

    Recipe for Miracle Whip:

    1 pint soybean oil
    1 cup synthetic acetic acid
    Chalk dust to make sufficiently white.

  72. happyfeet says:

    It’s ok. I am wiser now and I’m kind of going in a more thai rice and chicken dish direction lately. Very easy cause they cook chicken next door and they sell jars of different sauces and I am very very skilled with my rice cooker.

  73. bh says:

    Odds that I’ll now use Dij it up! in conversation tomorrow with a confused stranger? 1 in 3.

  74. geoffb says:

    I think of Dijon and Honey Mustard as things to cook with. Brown Mustard for sandwiches etc.

    Now to catch hell. I like ketchup and mayo on hotdogs, unless they are chili dogs. Hamburgers with tomato, lettuce and mayo. Cheeseburgers with yellow mustard and sweet pickle relish. Oh and french fries dipped in mayo.

    As I said food is a wonderful thing to argue over as it is a thing where no one gets hurt, fat maybe be not injured.

  75. JD says:

    Madeline Grace ate some spicy brown stadium mustard last week. She was not pleased.

  76. happyfeet says:

    ff + mayo is the future

  77. JD says:

    Mayo was invented in one of those places Dante wrote about.

  78. RTO Trainer says:

    Dinner this evening: Sliders seasoned with tabasco and seasoning salt on split whole wheat dinner rolls with chipotle mayo and sharp cheddar cheese. And tater tots.

  79. router says:

    mayo is heaven on a hoagie, grinder, et al. damn you mustards.

  80. SBP says:

    I have tater tots in the freezer, and delicious bacon grease in the deep fryer from this past weekend.

    My waistline is damning you, RTO.

  81. JD says:

    Tots. Nice. Reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite.

  82. SDN says:

    French fries dipped in mayo just means you’re European (German, Dutch, maybe French). Of course, German pommes frittes dipped in mayo will clog your neighbor’s arteries let alone yours because they still fry them in beef tallow.

    I tend to buy store bought spicy brown mustard. For any possible use of either mayo or sour cream, I tend to use French Onion dip (usually made from the Lipton soup recipe).

  83. geoffb says:

    Around here, for a while, everything is going to be grilled. I went 3 years with no place to put a grill and cook. Last year I built my wife a wheelchair ramp with good sized landings and now have a grilling space right outside the sliding doors. So dinner was corn on the cob grilled in the husk, chicken-pineapple kabobs and a marinaded chuck-eye steak.

    Now I’m full and ready to go watch “Lie to Me” after dicentra’s description on another thread.

  84. bh says:

    You guys are all so lucky we’re not college buddies living in the same town. I’d always be showing up at random around meal time with a six pack to trade for the food.

    And I’d drink all of them and then two of yours.

  85. corn on the cob grilled in the husk

    mmmmmm. RTO doesn’t do that nearly often enough.

    so for me, chain burger-it’s a toss up between Braum’s and Sonic.

    local fave would probably be Joe Willys. If we were still in OK, Goldie’s I don’t know what they did to their meat, but I didn’t usually put anything on my burger because it was tasty all by itself. RTO and I lived in an apartment complex right behind the original location. It smelled wunnerful.

  86. Sdferr says:

    Won’t it be interesting as all get out to wake up one morning to learn that the Saudis have allowed Israel to use one of their northern airbases as a refueling stop on the way to blowing hell out of Iran’s nuke programs? I think that will be way more fun even than making one’s own mustard at home out of seeds, sugar, salt, hot water and a touch of vinegar, if it happens, that is. Maybe more fun still will be seeing the Saudi King motorboating his tongue between his burzzing lips as he wiggles his fingers above his open hand with it’s thumb resting on his nose while his flapping tongue casts spittles in Obama’s general direction, all saying in a gesture: “Fool!”

  87. happyfeet says:

    Hey you. That mustard in your sammich what you are eating. I maded it.

    oh. Really? You’re. Amazing.

    I know.

  88. RTO Trainer says:

    Griffs!

    Monster Meltdown burger–double meat (1/3lb each), double cheese, mushrooms and jalapenos. Straight cut fries with skins on.

  89. RTO Trainer says:

    By the way, that Griffs meal is less than $5, with the drink.

  90. geoffb says:

    bh,

    And I’d drink all of them and then two of yours.

    And you would more than pay for it in conversation.

    Seems the older I get the farther away my old good friends live.

  91. geoffb says:

    “French fries dipped in mayo just means you’re European”

    1/4 Danish but I loved mayo on fries long before I ever watched “Pulp Fiction”. Got weird looks in High School from the waitresses at the local greasy spoon for asking for it.

  92. know what else is good on fries? gravy.

  93. RTO Trainer says:

    Why you want to mess with perfectly good potatos by putting glop on them?

    The only appropriate toppings for fries are cheddar cheese, bacon, and sour cream. Chilli maybe.

  94. geoffb says:

    Maybe this is why they always ask, “You want fries with that?”

  95. bh says:

    Seems the older I get the farther away my old good friends live.

    That’s just starting for me. I have a plan though. I’m getting married myself (sssshhhh!, don’t spoil the surprise), will move even farther from Chicago and will mercilessly retaliate by sending them pictures of my own lumpy headed babies. I shall name them Funny Looking and Indistinguishable.

    Fries? Wet (brown gravy) with chili.

  96. happyfeet says:

    yay married and yay away from Chicago and yay babies I think

  97. RTO Trainer says:

    lumpy headed babies?

    With chili?

  98. Are you crazy? You don’t feed a baby chili! *

  99. bh says:

    I can’t be alone here. Babies, they look kinda lumpy. And fragile. Go well with chili. And, just imagine it, if they looked like half me they’d be three feet two inches skinny, sarcastic, a bit dumb.

    My gf is smart. She might be thinking about this already.

  100. erm, I’ll give you fragile. s’why I don’t touch them. I’m klutzy.

  101. McGehee says:

    Mayonnaise has no flavor. I can tolerate chipotle-flavored mayonnaise because it’s got a flavor to cover up its disgusting greasiness. Plus it’s extremely unlikely someone’s going to dump half a jar of it on a cooked 4-ounce beef patty, as has happened to more hamburgers I’ve ordered since moving to Georgia, than anyone here could think about and still retain their sanity.

    Here, mayonnaise is a beverage. That fact alone probably accounts for the intensity of my current anti-mayo militancy, but I was turned against it the first time I ate a tuna sandwich that was made with mayo instead of tangy zip.

  102. Dan Collins says:

    My best friend’s Italian mom used to watch French cooking shows, just to kvetch. “Oh, yeah, thatsa right! Putta more butter onathat thing! You gonna DIE!”

  103. JD says:

    bh – Fragile, in theory, yes. But wonderful. Next time I am in Chicago, we will have to try to get a group of people together.

  104. SDN says:

    McGehee, I’ve found that tuna (or canned chicken) with fat-free Italian dressing makes an acceptable and mayo-free substitute.

  105. USpace says:

    .
    The Left is just keeping this ‘Mustard story’ alive, the Right had a chuckle and moved on. There are many much more important things to criticize this administration about. The Left doesn’t want people focusing on the big stuff, because that’s where it’s most dangerous to them. The Truth will bring them down, God willing.
    .
    absurd thought –
    God of the Universe says
    deify your dear leaders

    they are supernatural
    with magical qualities

    .
    absurd thought –
    God of the Universe says
    don’t protest tax increases

    or support states’ rights
    YOU RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST
    .

  106. […] As if all of this wasn’t enough to give you indigestion, Dan has Tacqeaux with dijon mustard!? […]

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