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Forget Swine Flu [Dan Collins]

The true pandemic is . . .

MANBOOBS!

Alex Rodriguez has enough on his plate without this:

A new book says A-Rod’s New York Yankees teammates nicknamed him “Bitch Tits,” because of his round, girly pectorals.

Manboobs. They can result from anabolic steroids.

On his plate? Man, that’s just awful. I don’t really know what causes them, but I’m staying away from Countdown, just to be safe. (h/t Anorak)

Get It On (Gang Up On a Beauty Queen)–with apologies to TRex

Well you’re dumb as can be
On TV, mystery, and I loathe you
You’re dumb as can be, Olby
Well you’re snarky and weak
You’ve got the tits of Rodriguez upon you
You’re snarky weak and you’re my bitch

Get obscene, gang up on a beauty queen
Get obscene, gang up on a beauty queen

Well you’re built like a jar
You’ve got a screw-top head full of nothing
You’re built like a jar, Olby
Well you’re a frat boy youth
That’s the truth with your pet faggot sidekick
You’re snarky weak and you’re my bitch

Get obscene, gang up on a beauty queen
Get obscene, gang up on a beauty queen

Well you’re windy and dull
Like the husk of a skull full of nonsense
You’re windy and dull, Olby
Well you’re built like a jar
You’ve got a screw-top head full of nothing
You’re windy dull and you’re my bitch

Get obscene, gang up on a beauty queen
Vent your spleen, gang up on a beauty queen

Well you’re spittle and sweat
More offensive than Tet and I loathe you
You’re spittle and sweat, Olby
Well you suck as you talk
Sweet romance, drop your pants for Obama
You’re snarky weak and you’re my bitch

Make the scene, gang up on a beauty queen
Make a scene, gang up on a beauty queen

****

With apologies to Gary Puckett and the Union Gap (work in progress)

Manboobs, get off of my chest
I have no suit that will suit doubled breasts
Please go away, boobs
You’re much too fey, boobs

Wish that I were Kirby Puckett
Everyone loved him with the Twins
But I was weak, tried to pack some meat on my physique
And now have titties for my sins

Whoa-oh-oh

20 Replies to “Forget Swine Flu [Dan Collins]”

  1. ccoffer says:

    When did Gene Shalit shave his mustache?

  2. B Moe says:

    Start calling him T&A Rod.

  3. serr8d says:

    Speaking of which, a man or a woman? …Obama might have a win-win here. With Al Gore as his pick, he gets the traditional female attitudinal (‘my way or the highway’; the debate is OVER!) mentality. And the boobs.

  4. donald says:

    There are no adults or men in the above screen capture. Just bitches and hos. But of course you all know that.

  5. Kevin B says:

    I suppose there must be some sort of perverse satisfaction in being the most disgraceful practitioner of a disgraceful profession.

    Still, the skankiest crack-whore in the skankiest alley in the skankiest red-light district of the skankiest city in the world has more integrity than the entire ‘profession’ of journalism.

  6. McGehee says:

    See, there was a reason why I dropped my first college major, which was oriented toward journalism, in favor of poli with a risk of pre-law.

    If there’d been a college degree in used-car sales, I would have opted for that instead.

  7. Sdferr says:

    dri at AoS linked yesterday and Insty linked today a takedown of another Manboob, Jon Stewart by Bill Whittle in a pjtv piece. Takedown, though, really, is too mild a description, it’s more like an invivo evisceration, so Stewart can look upon his shame laying there on the floor while he thinks about how to get it out of sight once again. It’s well worth the time (17 min) spent viewing.

  8. Joe says:

    Keith and Michael want to fondle A-Cup’s fun bags.

  9. Joe says:

    I am surprised those two did not start discussing A-Cup’s man boobs next and how they wished they were a mirror and…

  10. Spiny Norman says:

    Good Lord Joe, I could have gone a lifetime without seeing that (even if it is a Photoshop).

    Ewww.

  11. Sdferr says:

    Read Caroline Glick and John Bolton today.

  12. N. O'Brain says:

    Just as as aside: PJTV sucks great big donkey balls.

    Technically.

  13. Start calling him T&A Rod

    well, it helps some folks. I don’t think you’ve really seen this done right till you see a pregnant woman sing it in an audition.

  14. Happy Hitler says:

    This is a good opportunity to point out that Oblammo’s much gushed over ‘pecs’ are clearly a case of THC induced gynocomastia. Even from a distance, one can see that the alleged pecs obviously don’t fit with his pipe cleaner non-conditioned body.

  15. donald says:

    #16, I totally agree. George Bush would kick his ass. Kinda like in Feebie and the Bean. And not only that, I who haven’t been on a basketball court in about 15 years would eat him alive. I’d post, I’d dirve, and that pussy wouldn’t be able to do a thing with me. All he’d do is throw up threes. I’m a bad man lately.

  16. B Moe says:

    What are you doing June 13, don? John is flying down from MN and the Saviors are all getting together to do a show at the Blind Pig Taverns birthday throwdown that Saturday, you should road trip to Athens.

  17. Alec Leamas says:

    When I finally read in Musto’s Obituary that he succumbed to an opportunistic infection, I’ll feel less bad about not caring than I otherwise might have done.

  18. donald says:

    Well, Bmoe, sounds like I’m doing the Classic City! We’ll set up some fun with beer!

Comments are closed.