“– But officer, I can assure you that what you refer to as my ‘perverted’ coupling with that fire hydrant was not only tender and meaningful, but completely consensual, to boot…”
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All I can say is, next time that hydrant might think about being yellow or green; red is just too tempting for some, especially out late at night.
Police here make me nervous. They’re different than Texas ones. I was walking home reading the Protein Wisdom the other day and not being very aware of my surroundings and this cop car pulled to the side of the road ahead of me and the two cops started walking towards me. So as I got close I said howdy to the lady cop one. She said hi back. I always say howdy to cops. Couldn’t tell you why it’s just an instinct. They let me keep my freedom. This time. And then they mosied on down the street for whatever reason.
OK, a bad free-association joke here, feel free to skip over this.
At a mortician’s convention, three undertakers partake of their favorite adult beverages, and share tales of their preparation feats.
“I once had a man whose was decapitated by a chainsaw, but after my careful work, you couldn’t tell. His family was overjoyed.”
“Heh. That’s nothing,” the second opined, “I had a fellow horribly burned to death. I spent two days making him look passable for an open casket ceremony. People were amazed.”
The third just grinned. “You boys have nothing. I had a hooker who committed suicide by jumping from a three story building. She landed cunny-first on a fire hydrant.”
“It took me three days to get the smile off her face…”
(I warned you! )
I can haz pi?
The hydrant was asking for it.
The light was clearly yellow….
Is hydrantsexual marriage on the ballot again?
A hydrant in boots.
THAT is some kinda sexy!
Play Animisty for me.
I am going to tell you something very strange: it was the hydrant who seduced me.
u play in front of the hydrant all giggly like…?
sonny come beat u in two-toned shoes….
if u ever
touch francis ford coppalla…s
daughter again….
this ain’t the army
college boy..
bada bip
u open a hydrant…
u get water all over ur ivy league shoes..
me and johnny olin saw a donkey pee onna
cuban fire hydrant once…
yeah…johnny knows where all the good hydrants be…
stop me
leave the hydrant
yake the cannolis
take
You’ve got to screw them right, or they might get the drip.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose,
Nothing, that’s all that hydrant left me, yeah,
But feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,
Hey, feeling good was good enough for me, hmm hmm,
Good enough for me and my Fireplug McGee.
janis joplin cunt fart to ya’
Perverted coupling? Tell me you didn’t use metric threads.
How many municipal maintenance workers does it take to screw in a fire hydrant?
Bitch was asking for it.
Whew! For a moment there I thought I had stumbled into Deb Frisch’s blog.