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Travis the Chimp [Dan Collins]

Via Gateway Pundit and Jhimmi Carter:

Travis the chimpanzee, a veteran of TV commercials, was the constant companion of a lonely Connecticut widow who fed him steak, lobster and ice cream. He could eat at the table, drink wine from a stemmed glass, use the toilet, and dress and bathe himself.

He brushed his teeth with a Water Pik, logged on to a computer to look at photos and channel-surfed television with the remote control.

But on Monday, the wild animal in him came out with a vengeance.

The 200-pound animal viciously mauled a friend of his owner before being shot to death by police.

Investigators are trying to figure out why — whether it was a bout of Lyme disease, a reaction to drugs, or a case of instinct taking over.

“It’s hard to say what exactly precipitated this behavior,” said Colleen McCann, a primatologist at the Bronx Zoo. “At the end of the day, they are not human and you can’t always predict their behavior and how they or any other wild animal will respond when they feel threatened.”

Police said that Travis was agitated earlier Monday and that Herold had given him the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in some tea. Police said the drug had not been prescribed for the 14-year-old chimp.

Completely unfuckingrelated.

49 Replies to “Travis the Chimp [Dan Collins]”

  1. Dan Collins says:

    Oh, yeah, it’s really offensive, because of the way they get so incredibly bothered everytime someone states that Jooooooos are the offspring of a pig and a monkey. All those street demonstrations really rock my world.

  2. Bob Reed says:

    Puh-leez,

    No matter how cute and human-like, wild animals are intrinsically wild. Just look at what happen to Roy, of Siegfried and Roy fame, who was effin mauled by white tigers that they raised from cubs themselves!

    And how stupid was that lady to have given the chimp Xanex?

    She probably voted for the one!; after all, he is our new Chimperor!

  3. Bob Reed says:

    And the PR push by Al-Jazeera in North America will be successful; at least with the multi-culti, identity politics crew, and O!s Jooooooooooooooooo! hating comrades…

  4. Sdferr says:

    I’ve never known a chimpanzee. Never met one or been close to one, outside a zoo and with all that thick glass even that wasn’t close. Damned if I don’t feel some intrinsic affinity to them though. They’re us, we’re them sort of thing, only just a bit different in this respect and that, like diet and sexual habits and such. Still. I tend to agree with Jared Diamond, we are the third.

  5. happyfeet says:

    I read that this morning and I think it’s one of the most horrific things I’ve ever read. I felt sick.

  6. Big D says:

    “drink wine from a stemmed glass”

    Should have switched him from cabernet to merlot. Tannin will drive you nuts.

  7. pledgepolish55 says:

    If people still taught monkeys to smoke, this may have been averted.

  8. Dash Rendar says:

    I think the world has just been schooled in the fine art of propaganda by our gatekeeping class.

  9. geoffb says:

    ““At the end of the day, they are not human and you can’t always predict their behavior and how they or any other wild animal will respond when they feel threatened.””

    Humans are not domesticated. We are also “wild”, and are no more predictable than any other wild animal.

    The domestication of the human race is the one, true, great project of the Left. That quote is an example of propaganda on behalf of that great project.

  10. B Moe says:

    Al Jazeera is starting a public relations campaign to dispel what it calls myths and misperceptions that have prevented it from reaching more U.S. and Canadian viewers…

    They should talk to that other Muslem dude who started the TV station to do that, you know, the dude who just got arrested for sawing off his old ladies head? Might want to try and learn from his mistakes, know what I mean?

  11. N. O'Brain says:

    “Man can be chained, but he cannot be domesticated.”

    -Robert A. Heinlein

  12. Joe says:

    Sounds like Andrew Sullivan freaking out on Sarah Palin.

    Unlike Travis the Chimp, Sullivan had a history of this prior to the attack.

  13. Joe says:

    The domestication of the human race is the one, true, great project of the Left. That quote is an example of propaganda on behalf of that great project.

    Wait till they realize geldings and steers are easier to keep than stallions and bulls. When that happens, watch out boys!

  14. Wm T Sherman says:

    The chimpanzee attacked because that’s what chimpanzees do. The young ones are cute, the adults are not to be trusted.

    ———————————————————————————

    Chimps escape, attack visitors at animal sanctuary in Calif.
    By Kim Curtis
    ASSOCIATED PRESS
    1:17 a.m. March 4, 2005

    BAKERSFIELD – A couple’s visit to the chimpanzee they were forced to relinquish to an animal sanctuary turned tragic when two other chimps attacked the husband, critically wounded him before the animals were shot to death in mid-assault.

    […]

    Kern County Sheriff’s Cmdr. Hal Chealander told The Bakersfield Californian that besides the damage to his face, Davis had his testicles and foot mauled off. Buddy, a 16-year-old male chimp, initiated the attack and after he was shot, Ollie, a 13-year-old male, grabbed the gravely injured man and dragged him down the road, according to Chealander.

    http://tinyurl.com/7y2re

  15. otcconan says:

    No matter how cute and human-like, wild animals are intrinsically wild. Just look at what happen to Roy, of Siegfried and Roy fame, who was effin mauled by white tigers that they raised from cubs themselves!

    That was entirely predictable. Lock a 500 lb cat in a cage, make him perform stupid tricks in front of people, and crack him with a whip when he doesn’t obey. Hell, I’d maul that son of a…

  16. B Moe says:

    Senate? Not yours.

    House? Not yours.

    Executive? Not yours.

    Supreme Court? Not yours.

    Is it okay to question their patriotism now?

  17. libocrat says:

    I’ve never heard of a “normal” American who owned a Chimpanzee.
    Was feeding this “Chimpanzee, other animal species (read STEAK unt LOBSTER) in any way ETHICAL.
    I’d like to quote a great CONSERVATIVE AMERICAN, who knew exactly what to say to this………animal.
    “Get your stinking paws off of me, you damned dirty ape”.
    I’m a former Democrat, who was never truly liberal. I found myself having normal AMERICAN values as I became a useful adult. On 9/11, I realized I could never EVER be a Democrat nor LIBERAL again.
    We reap in our society, exactly what we sew.
    Only a LIBTARD could feed a chimp steak and lobster in some misguided freak show effort to find love when love could not be found in the human race for this freak.

  18. libocrat says:

    To further bloviate. The liberal mind usually comes up with some sort of nonsense reaction.

    “If only the WILD ANIMAL, had been treated more kindly….etc etc vomit”.
    REWIND.
    “If only I could have spoken to Herr Hitler before XYZ, PDQ, vomit.”
    FAST FORWARD TO 9/11
    “These people are only responding to oppression, VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT, and if we had not VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT.”

    Liberals are retarded.

  19. B Moe says:

    I’ve never heard of a “normal” American who owned a Chimpanzee.
    Was feeding this “Chimpanzee, other animal species (read STEAK unt LOBSTER) in any way ETHICAL.
    I’d like to quote a great CONSERVATIVE AMERICAN, who knew exactly what to say to this………animal.

    Now, now.
    http://imgs.sfgate.com/c/pictures/2004/06/06/mn_reagan_bonzo.jpg

  20. Joe says:

    Stalin half man chimp super warriors?

    A head of his time?

    And who were these female human volunteers?

  21. comatus says:

    A human in the same situation would have received about the same treatment. I can’t say for certain what that proves. No speciesism?

    The police shot the animal several times, then had to track its blood trail for an extended period before finding it dead. That would make a hunter feel ashamed. What sidearm do the police carry there? It’s not like it was a warning shot. Summary execution is one of those things; like so many Americans recently, I’m a little touchy about torture.

    Pledgepolish, how right you are. And I wonder what else Xanax causes.

  22. Joe says:

    I had some Xanax before I posted above. Opps. Don’t shoot me.

  23. dicentra says:

    Just look at what happen to Roy, of Siegfried and Roy fame, who was effin mauled by white tigers that they raised from cubs themselves!

    That was entirely predictable. Lock a 500 lb cat in a cage, make him perform stupid tricks in front of people, and crack him with a whip when he doesn’t obey. Hell, I’d maul that son of a…

    To be perfectly pedantic, it had nothing to do with the way the tigers were treated. All predator mammals are born with a jugular-chomping reflex that kicks in when a prey animal goes down.

    Roy tripped and fell, and the tiger instinctively grabbed him by the throat to deliver the death-bite. No matter how well the tigers “like” their trainers, their instincts are stronger still.

    As for chimpanzees, them SOBs are known to wage real-live war, murder other chimps, and cannibalize their victims. And dolphins torture porpoises to death for no apparent reason. I guess the bigger your frontal lobes, the more savage you can be.

  24. Joe says:

    Look at Andrew Sullivan with Sarah Palin. But I disagree it is because he has large frontal lobes.

  25. Pablo says:

    Look at Andrew Sullivan with Sarah Palin. But I disagree it is because he has large frontal lobes.

    Yeah, I think it’s because of her frontal lobes.

  26. LTC John says:

    “Police said the drug had not been prescribed for the 14-year-old chimp.”

    And the officer that had to go find out that little fact? “How was work today dear?” “Oh, OK I guess – had to go find out if a killer chimp had an antidepressant ‘script or not…”

  27. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Should have switched him from cabernet to merlot.

    Never give a chimp anything stronger than beer, and under no fucking circumstances whatsovever give him tequila.

  28. Joe says:

    Will chimp attacks, offense and defense, be demonstrated at the Jeff Goldstein Chicago seminar in April?

  29. Rob Crawford says:

    Was feeding this “Chimpanzee, other animal species (read STEAK unt LOBSTER) in any way ETHICAL.

    True. The natural food for chimps is chimps.

  30. Silver Whistle says:

    I bet the chimp was listening to gangsta rap.

  31. PCachu says:

    Of course, what nobody’s telling us is that The One had contracted Travis to read the Porkulus bill over the weekend so he could get some downtime. This was just his perfectly natural reaction.

  32. Percy Dovetonsils says:

    “If people still taught monkeys to smoke, this may have been averted.”

    Particularly if they are riding in little cars and wearing fezzes, like Mr. Tini in the Simpsons.

    Other than that, humans should be interacting with monkeys in only the normal, sane way – watching them behind glass, masturbating at the zoo (err, the monkeys being the ones behind glass and whacking it).

  33. Joe says:

    Chimps are inherently evil, fallen, and no good

    And of course, here is the gratuitous human chimp breeding post. When the next chimp falls and you ask who the bell tolls for, it tolls for you, because you are probably that monkey’s uncle!

  34. odlum says:

    i feel its unfair to keep animals created for the wild as domestic pet maybe it is frustrating for them i also feel it is unnatural that a wild animal is trained to brush its teeth

  35. Rob Crawford says:

    That’s nice, odlum.

  36. JD says:

    Who would have ever thought that giving a fucking chimpanzee wine and Xanax might lead to fairly disasterous results?

    I denounce and condemn all of you racists.

  37. enes says:

    i love this shhit

  38. cranky-d says:

    I kan tye my shooz.

  39. JD says:

    I can haz Xanax ?!

  40. McGehee says:

    Guys, don’t make fun of the visiting chimps. Wouldn’t want to lose face.

  41. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    Travis the chimpanzee, a veteran of TV commercials, was the constant companion of a lonely Connecticut widow who fed him steak, lobster and ice cream. He could eat at the table, drink wine from a stemmed glass, use the toilet, and dress and bathe himself, and was taught how to remove hands with great facility.

  42. Nathaniel says:

    This is a story about a Chimp mauling a human. The guy, librocrat up there, is extremely stupid to tie this in with politics somehow.

  43. Satan says:

    Travis is here with me and I made sure that he gets all the torture that he deserves.

    Imagine, if you will, having your flesh and organs ripped off, the pain beyond imagination, and having magical agony enhancing blasts fry every severed body part and the ripped flesh and organs eaten or burnt, only for the flesh and organs to grow back again, ready to be riopped off again. And while this is happening, imagine being cooked in boiling blood.

    That’s what Travis is enduring right now!

    Beleive me, Travis is screaming in utter agony!

Comments are closed.