I wrote about it earlier today, and urthshu brought the funny with this:
“BRAAAIIIINS!!!â€Â
“I do assure you, Sir, that I have no pretension whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a zombie. I would rather be paid the compliment of being believed sincere. I thank you again and again for the honour you have done me in your proposals, but to accept them is absolutely impossible. My feelings in every respect forbid it. Can I speak plainer? Do not consider me now as an elegant female, but as a rational creature, shooting towards your head.â€Â
–Chapter 19
Here are some quotations that you can zombify. Winner gets coveted PW kudos.
Thousands of Indians, many fuming over a recent assault on women in a pub, are vowing to fill bars on Valentine’s Day and send cartons of pink panties to a radical Hindu group that has branded outgoing females immoral.
A “consortium of pub-going, loose and forward women,” founded by four Indian women on social networking website Facebook has, in a matter of days, attracted more than 25,000 members with over 2,000 posts about the self-appointed moral police.
The women said their mission was to go bar-hopping on February 14 and send hundreds of pink knickers to Sri Ram Sena, the militant Hindu group that has said pubs are for men, and that women should stay at home and cook for their husbands.
The same Hindu group was blamed for attacking women in a bar in the southern city of Mangalore in January, an incident that sparked a national debate about women’s freedoms in India.
You know, it almost makes me wish I were cool with assaulting Indian women at bars.
Devastating jellyfish is devastating pseudojellyfish, filled with devapseudojelly:
Marine biologists have in recent years rung alarm bells over the invasion in the Baltic Sea of what they believed was a devastating jellyfish, but experts said Thursday they were wrong about the species.
“It has previously been feared that the invasive jellyfish that disrupted marine ecosystems in the Black Sea had arrived in the Baltic Sea,” Stockholm University said in a statement.
But researchers at the university studying the spread of the American pseudo-jellyfish “have found that their tests showed it was a completely different species never before seen in the waters of the Baltic.”
Via Hot Air headlines, freaky octomom gets freakier all the time:
Though Suleman categorically denies she’s undergone any plastic surgery to make her look like Jolie, neighbors, friends and family members of the unemployed single mom of 14 challenge those denials — as do earlier photographs of Suleman clearly indicating thinner lips and a different-looking nose.
Furthermore, a source close to Jolie — herself the mother of six children — tells me it’s not just reading about Suleman in the press that fuels the Oscar winner’s irritation.
Apparently, over the past year or so, Suleman has made attempts to reach out the the actress — sending her admiring letters and extolling her talent and humanitarian efforts on behalf of children’s issues around the world.
”At least she wasn’t a total crazy … like the stalkers who try to actually meet Angelina and follow along with the paparazzi,” added the source, who also said, ”It is clear this woman needs psychological help. It’s one thing to clip out a celebrity’s photo from a magazine and ask your [hair] stylist to copy that cut. Who hasn’t done that? But to have a nose job, have collagen injections in your lips and start talking like Angelina — that’s over the top.”
Apparently, she couldn’t get closer to Jolie, so she grew her own third-world country.
Lull in hobo murder spree puzzles NYCPD
“You expect me to account for rotting body parts which you choose to call mine, but which I have never acknowledged.”
“A lady’s firing is very rapid; it jumps from bandoleer to magazine, from trigger pull to zombie skull, in a moment.”
Isn’t this book about chicks, man? Yeah, didn’t read it.
Our half of the class got “A Separate Peace.”
Ugggghhh….
Off for a barley pop with the boys…then back at it.
Have some things for you…
Mike
“And your defect is a propensity to eat everybody.”
Said Miss BIngly: No Zombie can be really esteemed accomplished, who does not greatly surpass what is usually met with. A Zombie must have a thorough knowledge of maceration, scratching, sloughing, and the modern languages. To deserve the word, and besides all this, it must possess a certain somthing in its air and manner of shambling, the tone of its voice, its address and expressions, or the word will be but half-deserved.
ALl this it must possess,” added Darcy, ” and to all this it must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of it’s BRAAAAIINS by extensive rotting.”
Bwahahahaha! Sarah!
She [Mrs. Bennet] was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain body temperature. (Ch. 1)
“May I ask to what these questions tend?”
“Merely to the illustration of where that bite came from,” said she, endeavouring to tighten the cords about his neck. “I am trying to make it out.”
“And what is your success?”
She shook her head. “I do not get on at all. I heard such different accounts of what occurred as puzzle me exceedingly.”
“I can readily believe,” answered he painfully, “that reports may vary greatly; and I could wish, Miss Bennet, that you were not to jump to any conclusions at the present moment, as there is reason to fear that torturing me would reflect no credit on either.”
“But if I do not understand it now, I may never have another opportunity.”
Bwahahahahahahaha! Can’t . . . stop . . . drinking! Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
“It is your turn to do something now, Mr. Darcy. I shot about the dancehall, and you ought to mop up blood with the ShamWows, or reload the magazines.”
Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment; yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she said: “You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your brain eating affected me in any other way, than as it spared the concern which I might have felt in killing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike zombie manner.”
Hahahahaha, I hope these people hire you all.
Honestly, I’m pathetic. I know all these quotes. I was looking for one of my favorites to use (Mrs. Bennet complaining about flutterings, etc) but I’ll have to go to the book, ’cause it’s no online.
And, the ultimate shame? I even gave my second son the middle name of Austen. Oye.
“An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not eat Mr. Collins’s brains, and I will never see you again if you do.” (Mr Bennet, Ch. 20)
Hahahahahaha!
Neal Boortz was calling Sulleman Octopussy today. It does seem more appropriate.
To go along with Dan’s religious police story, here’s another from Saudi Arabia.
Here too is the first page in a blog I used to read, now shut, called The Religious Policeman created by a Saudi gentleman, as he put it “In Memory of the lives of 15 Makkah Schoolgirls, lost when their school burnt down on Monday, 11th March, 2002. The Religious Police would not allow them to leave the building, nor allow the Firemen to enter.”
Death to religious policemen, say I.
I’ll be in my bunk…
To hell with bunks. If I were a single man I’d want to know where these pubs are.
“It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.”
“Brains!!”
“Really, Mr. [Darcy],” cried Elizabeth with some warmth, “you puzzle me exceedingly. If what I have hitherto said can appear to you in the form of encouragement of offering my brain for your consumption, I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as to convince you of its being one.”
Slow or fast zombies? I prefer my zombies slow.
They appear to be in India. There’s no time to make it there before work tomorrow.
That jellyfish invasion (actually ctenophore) in the Black Sea. Do understand that it is an ARCTIC species of ctenophore that has migrated to the Black Sea.
GLOBAL WARMING!
An Arctic species has gone to a warmer zone?
Shouldn’t that be evidence of global cooling and not warming?
Mangalore? I thought that’s what Gleen called his compound in Brazil…
My vote for winning compos(t)ition goes to SarahW’s 5. It’s a beautiful moldering.