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Is It Psychotropic Endangered Monkey Meat? [Dan Collins]

A federal judge in Brooklyn has rejected a Liberian woman’s religious reasons for smuggling endangered monkey meat into the country.

U.S. District Judge Raymond J. Dearie ruled Wednesday that Mamie Manneh’s faith didn’t preclude her from applying for permits to import exotic food or explain why she misled officials.

What possibly could be the dangers of importing (endangered) monkey meat? It’s not as though their physiology is like ours.

NOT VERY RELATED:

A strong earthquake cut power lines and sent panicked residents in eastern Indonesia running out of their homes toward higher ground, officials and witnesses said.

The Indonesian Meteorology and Seismology Agency warned that with a preliminary magnitude of 7.2, the quake was strong enough to cause a tsunami.

There were no immediate reports of giant waves and the agency lifted the tsunami warning within an hour.

Cleverest link to AGW wins bragging rights. Or maybe they’ve legalized gay marriage?

RELATED:

Was it a meteor falling from space?

Officials think that might be what residents saw shooting through the Alaska sky near Tok on Monday afternoon.

A tremendous explosion, like a sonic boom, drew some people outside, where they watched irregular contrails scribe a path in a clear sky.

At her home four miles west of Tok, Kathy Olding was loading a large sled with firewood to haul to her house when she was startled by an explosion.

My guess? Aliens returning to reclaim Bristol Palin’s latest child.

22 Replies to “Is It Psychotropic Endangered Monkey Meat? [Dan Collins]”

  1. Dr. Charles Richter says:

    AGW causes an increase in seismic activity.

    I win!

    What’s the prize?

  2. Dan Collins says:

    Bragging rights, Doctor. But, you know, suggest a mechanism.

  3. Dr. Charles Richter says:

    Uh, um, er, the increase in temperature causes the expansion of the tectonic plates resulting in shear fractures at their joints; yeah, yeah! that’s the ticket!

    Countdown until Al Gore’s camp followers begin using this; 5, 4, 3, 2…

  4. Sdferr says:

    I thought it was the decrease in temperature over the Yellowstone caldera which entailed a chilled sphincter like shrinking there, setting off a cascade of a blizzard of mini-quakes, which in turn sought Gaiaic equilibrium on the other side of the world, thus releasing pressure in a moderately large tremor in Indonesia Doc?

  5. Diogenes says:

    Gaia’s lack of equilibrium is well known and documented in my day; why she couldn’t walk a balance beam to win the olympics!

  6. Sdferr says:

    You’re a faking Diogenes, since we all know chicks weren’t allowed in the Olympic arena on penalty of death!

  7. Dr. Charles Richter says:

    Hmmmm. You put forth a plausible theory sir. But it has one major flaw; it precludes me from winning! So, taking a cue from the AGW crowd, I’ll simply repeat mine continuously, hoping that it will gain traction in the mainstream media.

    Factually correct; not so important. ABility to bring me gain; vital consideration!

  8. Diogenes says:

    B-But, Gaia was flat chested, so she passed for a man; and when asked why she had only a wispy mustache, she reminded them of her adolescence, and claimed that she shaved three times a day!

    As far as the lack of equipment? She claimed a frightful act at the hands of Ares when he found out that Aphrodite was interested in her.

  9. Sdferr says:

    What did she say to allay their fears engendered by her persistent attempts to get them to change their personal habits (you know, the smoking, the nose picking, the farting and laughing about it, etc.), Diogenn, hmmmm? How’d she pull that one off, pray tell?

  10. Diogenes says:

    Gaia had more of a tolerant outlook back then; after all, she had a bit of a mis-spent youth herself! And she’d been known to rip many a good one in the old days; surely a by-product of all those gyros and souvelaki.

  11. urthshu says:

    Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,
    Mutilated monkey meat
    Dirty little birdie feet….

  12. Sdferr says:

    NOT your Gaia, Diogenes! (h/t Theo Spark, entirely SFW)

  13. Dave E. says:

    What is really happening here is that an increasing amount of CO2 is being absorbed into the oceans. That CO2 is then being absorbed by whales. Eventually one whale releases a massive fart and under the law of hear one, play one, the entire pod releases their own massive cascade of farts. The deniers are lying and telling us that these events are earthquakes.

  14. comatus says:

    Diseased nature oftentime breaks forth in strange eruptions; oft the teeming earth is with a kind of colic pinch’d and vex’d by the imprisoning of unruly wind within her womb, which, for enlargement striving, shakes the old beldam earth and topples down steeples and moss-grown towers.

    Just sayin, as the Bard hath called it: Queef.
    It’s anthropogenic, it’s global, and godamercy, it is warming.

  15. parsnip says:

    HAHAHA rethuglikkkans shut up! Haliburton made that quake with the jews to kill mulsims & take thier OIL! Daddy never loved me! Hows that “surge” working now? Palin sucks!

  16. Rob Crawford says:

    Eventually one whale releases a massive fart and under the law of hear one, play one, the entire pod releases their own massive cascade of farts.

    Hmmmm… sounds like a family gathering.

  17. Swen Swenson says:

    It’s obvious: The stampede of people leaving Wyoming due to the incredibly crappy weather has unbalanced the North American craton, causing earthquakes from Yellowstone all the way to Indonesia. Last one out turn off the lights!

    And importing endangered monkey meat is probably a violation of “CITES”, the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species [seriously].

  18. Swen Swenson says:

    Oh.. Although it should go without saying: If we have weather it’s Climate Change. Thus, AGW has caused the Indonesian earthquakes. Ta Da!!

  19. Dan Collins says:

    I thought that they were leaving because Cheney’s returning soon.

  20. Sdferr says:

    What I want to know about the endangered monkey meat is how the hell they know it’s actually an endangered monkey if it was only discovered at the meat stage? For that matter, if actually at the meat stage and lacking all bone etc, how do they know it’s a monkey at all?

  21. gebrauchshund says:

    Because it tasted funny? Oh wait, sorry, that was the clown meat.

  22. Rusty says:

    #21
    That’s enough of your monkeyshines!

Comments are closed.