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Congress Issues Stern Warning to Asteroids [Dan Collins]

After further observations, astronomers reported that the asteroid would skim by Earth harmlessly in 2029, but it has a one in 44,000 probability of slamming into our planet on Easter Sunday, April 13, 2036.

Small changes in Apophis’ path that could make the difference between a hit or a miss are possible, according to Jon Giorgini, a planetary analyst in NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif.

“We have not eliminated the threat in 2036,” Lindley Johnson, the manager of NASA’s asteroid detection program, told the committee.

The academy panel is headed by Irwin Shapiro, a former director of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics in Cambridge, Mass. It has a two-part assignment from Congress: Detect and deflect asteroids that might hit earth.

32 Replies to “Congress Issues Stern Warning to Asteroids [Dan Collins]”

  1. maggie katzen says:

    eh. we won’t be here after 2012.

  2. Bob Reed says:

    As we in Naval missle systems were often want to say about irritants…

    NUKE THE BASTARDS!

  3. Bob Reed says:

    As we in Naval missle systems were often want to say about irritants…

    NUKE THE BASTARDS!

  4. Bob Reed says:

    sorry for the double clutch gang…

  5. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    That might damage the delicate ecology of space, Bob.

    What are you THINKING, man?

  6. alppuccino says:

    eh. we won’t be here after 2012.

    You’re referring to meya’s calendar maggie?

  7. Sdferr says:

    I’ve always had a fondness for the “paint the asteroids” option. It (apparently) sez: with a coat of paint of the proper color, the solar wind will add energy to the rock and push it off its (current) earthbound course. I always figured the IBPAT could get behind that. And with Obama’s newy newer newbiest deal, employing more union painters just seems right.

  8. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Asteroid strikes Earth. Women, minorities hardest hit. Asteroid accused of racism, sexism.

  9. Bob Reed says:

    Sdferr,
    That is a marvellously synergystic solution, isn’t it? And, with the unions for us, who dare would go agin’ us!

    That would be one hell of a service call charge though, don’t you think?

    Might be cheaper to Nuke it!

  10. Sdferr says:

    But Bob, I thought a higher charge would be a feature under their worldview, no? Just think of it as off-world infrastructure spending!

  11. Dan Collins says:

    Don’t you guys think that Obama should try negotiating with it, first?

  12. Sdferr says:

    Well, with preparations first, sure Dan. Gotta have those.

  13. BJTexs says:

    Some environut proposing the asteroid be allowed to hit Planet Earth and rid it of the human pestilence in 3 … 2 … 1 …

    FOR THE PARAMECIUMS!!!

  14. alppuccino says:

    We’ve got to change our ways and start living in a manner that makes the asteroid not want to hit us.

  15. Bob Reed says:

    SBP,
    I’m sorry, Bro. I don’t know where my mind was; I was applying a typically knuckle-dragging militaristic solution to a complex and nuanced situation…

    Perhaps O! can simply command it to change course…I mean, he is going to be lowering the sea levels and ending global warming anyway…What’s an extra miracle while he’s at it…

    But seriously, how do you think he does it anyway..?

    Does he nod his head, like Jeannie?

    Does he wiggle his nose like Samantha?

    Or, do his miracles occur when he takes on the look where he raises his chin, and juts it out like Mussolini while affecting the ubiquitous 10,000 meter stare; you know, the very theatrical and well rehersed, “I’m staring into the future” look…

    What do you all think?

  16. Bob Reed says:

    Sdferr,
    You’re right! Stimulate the economy!

  17. DarthRove says:

    Heh. Union astronauts. Can you imagine what the inside of the Apollo 13 spacecraft would have been like if Lovell, Swigert and Haise were union workers?

    “Hey, I ain’t powerin’ down no CM. I don’t push buttons in the left half of the panel. Jackie’s the left pusher.”

    “Screw you, Freddo. I’m only left pusher under normal operatin’ conditions. Jimbo here has to do the pushing in an electrical emergency. He sat through the 26-hour training course and buffet.”

    “That’s it, get the shop steward on the line. I ain’t doin’ a gotdam thing until I get a say-so.”

    “You can’t tell me to call the shop steward, YOU’RE commo officer on this shift. Call him your own self.”

    “That’s it, I’m filing a grieva..”

    BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

  18. IBPAT says:

    Just another excuse for outsourcing jobs.

    We need to bring da asteroid to Chicago, paint it dere, den put it back where it belongs.

  19. Slartibartfast says:

    we won’t be here after 2012

    2112, isn’t it?

    Attention all planets of the Solar Federation: we have assumed control. We have assumed control.

  20. Sdferr says:

    Apropos only of Bob Reeds “nuke ’em” I found this at Dan’s David Thompson’s Atomica link yesterday: footage of the Soviet’s “Tsar Bomba“, the largest man made explosion to date at 50mt. For footage of other Soviet tests, see this page, chock-a-block with blowy-up goodies (snagged from Thompson in his comments section).

  21. Bob Reed says:

    Sdferr,
    That’s some great footage there. The Tsar Bomba sounds like just the right size to impart a 1m/[sec-squared] acceleration to the asteroid they’re writing about; if the blast were controlled so that it occurred precisely on the surface…

    I don’t know the gory details of it’s orbit or the velocity as it passes us. But, the bomb should make enough of a change in it’s trajectory as to make it miss the Earth for sure; but I can’t speculate on any unintended consequences…

  22. MAJ (P) John says:

    “off-world infrastructure spending”

    Careful, that might make it as an appropriations line in Congress…

  23. JD says:

    Maj. John – Why would you assume that we do not already have a line-itme for that?

  24. JohnAnnArbor says:

    I think the plural of “paramecium” is “paramecia.” NOt that it matters.

  25. Sdferr says:

    Meanwhile, other worries take hold. (Please God, nobody mention that potential pulsar beam.)

  26. Mikey NTH says:

    “Gentlemen! We have to save our phony-baloney jobs! We need a balloon asteroid fence!”

  27. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    We need to bring da asteroid to Chicago, paint it dere, den put it back where it belongs.

    That way the Teamsters can get their cut, too.

  28. SDN says:

    Slart, I’m glad to see I’m not the only Rush fan here.

    No, that isn’t Limbaugh…..

  29. Mikey NTH says:

    #28 SDN:

    In the high school halls
    In the shopping malls
    Conform or be cast out
    (Subdivisions)
    In the basement bars
    In the backs of cars
    Be cool or be cast out

    Now that we will have President Obama we’ll be cool! All the cool kid nations will like us and invite us to their parties and stuff!

    This. Will. Be. Awesome.

  30. MTW says:

    Dang Maggie beat me to 2012 reference. But at least she didn’t mention 2012 The movie.

  31. Swen Swenson says:

    But seriously, how do you think he does it anyway..?

    Does he nod his head, like Jeannie?

    Does he wiggle his nose like Samantha?

    I’m bettin’ he wiggles his ears. Works kinda like the butterflies in the Chaos theory.

  32. dre says:

    “The first dark night of the soul generally occurs for sincere practitioners when the blush of initial enthusiasm for the spiritual path begins to give way to the recognition of the reality of our condition: our bondage to our own fixations.

    The habits we enjoy, we recognize as desperate distractions from our fundamental discomfort in the world. The people we criticize or denigrate, we recognize as mirrors of our own feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred. Where ego anxiously seeks meaning and refuge, we find a deep, dark void.”

    http://www.livingtantra.net/2008/09/dark-night-of-the-soul/

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