Hannibal did it. So did Napoleon. It’s basic military strategy, in fact. Want to win a “war”? Attack the opposing army’s…toy stores? Wait [insert sound of frantic paper rustling here], can that be right…?

You bet your ass it can!* Attack their toy stores, jihadis — especially now that the infidels have bumped up security around their pizza joints! And Godspeed, ye brave men (and women) who rush into this new breach, spartan-souled martyrs all, refusing to bow to the hegemony of neatly-stacked board games and hard-plastic Tonka trucks! Onward! Prepare the raisin buffet, Allah! Never again shall an Israeli toddler raise his stuffed Teddy bear like a sword to oppress our holy warriors! No longer shall some mewling mini-Jewess in knee-high stockings shake her spittle-soaked lollipop in the face of our once proud (thirteenth-century) culture…!

I’m sorry, but this latest atrocity leaves me physically ill. Arafat needs to go — no more talk, no more talkings to. Just a brief and brilliant flash of light that leaves in its wake a pile of fattyacid soaked Islamo-rags and a half-melted lump of antique revolver…

Now, what does the intrepid Mr. Bush have to say about today’s attack? Well, ‘t seems the Prez finds the bombing of a child-packed civilian center “disappointing.” That’s right, disappointing.

Note to Dubya: When your frat loses the parade float competition for Homecoming (despite all the work you put in on that fantastic tissue-papered Scooby Doo head), that’s “disappointing.”

But when a regime sponsers (and subsidizes!) the continued targeting of civilians — and celebrates most vigorously on those days when it happens to bag a coupla’ blameless kiddies– that’s terrorism, and it calls for more virile a response than flaccid “disappointment.”

I’ll say it: You should be fucking outraged, George!** And you should be outraged now–before Israel wises up and decides to lay waste to those geopolitical open sores surrounding them…

*Can’t find corroboration in your history books for the Hannibal and Napoleon attacks on toy stores? Well, then your history books lie!

**Dubya responds: “Maybe y’all ain’t keeping up with the news so good, but I had Colin Powell, a fine Amer’kin, give Cherm’n Arafat a stern talking to today. And I told the Amer’kin people that Cherm’n Arafat needs to do a better job controlling all them explodin’ Arabs he’s got goin’ on over there.” [Really? A “stern talking to”? In that case then, our bad, George — eds.]

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