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“the reindeers are cool poem”

reindeers are cool — if
by cool you mean, “are
forced to carry around
a fat man in a red suit
who from what I gather
isn’t much interested in
bringing me a pair of
PRPS jeans, or even an
XBox 360 with Blu-Ray.”

The
     tubby
          fuck.

78 Replies to ““the reindeers are cool poem””

  1. Dan Collins says:

    Hahahaha. You think that’s bad, you should check out the graffiti in the Elves’ restrooms. Oh, and Oompa Loompas’, too.

  2. happyfeet says:

    Over the weekend the Nissan dealership put up its sort of conical thinger with lights that sorta suggests a Christmas tree. I haven’t seen it at night yet.

  3. dre says:

    The Dollar store had their xmas stuff out July 5. What’s with you?

  4. happyfeet says:

    Spelling Blu-ray like that is like leaving the ! off of Yahoo. I learned that at my dead-end job.

  5. accurate pollster says:

    “who from what I gather
    isn’t much interested in
    bringing me a pair of
    PRPS jeans”

    Pretty much. However, the Fat Man could use some help negotiating with those uppity socialist elves.

    If you play your cards right, there might be some spanking new sweatpants under the tree come X-mas.

    I heard

  6. pdbuttons says:

    # 4
    reindeer
    bobby orr!

  7. pdbuttons says:

    during the making of love
    it’s only when u call me rhein
    while i call u dear
    that gets me sad

    and u get mad at me?

  8. Sdferr says:

    Reindeer roasting on a roaring fire,
    Carbon choking out the world,
    PC chanters dragging you to the street,
    And jokes dressed down, cause they’re not right…

    Someone somewhere knows that happiness is not the thing,
    Gets you no score with the cool,
    Simple people with their ass in a sling
    Will be behind the curves in sight.

    We guess that manna’s on its way,
    The Man has subsidies and rebates on display,
    Where every upper class executive will pay,
    To see if ninety-five percent will really fly.

    And so He’s offering this simple trade,
    To schmucks, from here to Timbuktoo,
    Despite what you think, He’s a moderate guy,
    To take from him to give to you.

  9. Swen Swenson says:

    Reindeer roasting on an open fire,
    Black Jack nipping at your nose..

  10. Swen Swenson says:

    Dayum! Do great minds think alike or what?

  11. Sdferr says:

    Hungry much, Swen? Roast meeeeeeat, I was thinking. oh, and then, roast ‘bama.

  12. pdbuttons says:

    he had a billion dollars to trade
    for a sled that was made
    insistent!
    from a tree in the shade

    and when his birthday arrived
    he put all gifts aside
    and stood with his prize and spoke thusly

    “thank u oh lord/for your wise and your word
    my prize in my hand i hold tightly!”
    but upon examinining the sled
    his countenance did fall
    a scream!
    “rosebud
    not rosie odonnell!

  13. Mossberg500 says:

    how do they get the sled in the air
    booted bespeckled red robed man fat
    filled with gifts goodwill to spare
    don’t leave the house without a hat

  14. pdbuttons says:

    mrs claus likes elf penis
    so says jeff the genius
    but if u sit on my llap
    and take off all that crap
    theres a twenty in it for ya!

  15. pdbuttons says:

    burl ives wanted to blow me once…
    i cannot tell a lie!
    he wanted to blow me twice!

  16. pdbuttons says:

    this IS
    the island of misfit toys!
    eat ur heart out tim burton!

  17. pdbuttons says:

    4-4-4
    #4 robert orr

  18. urthshu says:

    >>mrs claus likes elf penis

    Santa’s coming…

  19. pdbuttons says:

    aside mossberg
    u funyums is that a gun?

  20. Mossberg500 says:

    jenna jamison cummin to town
    snacking on turds and whey
    frosty’s got a stovepipe chubby
    time for a nutcracker sweet

  21. twolaneflash says:

    Reindeers is meat. Eat up. Call Sarah Palin for tips on field dressing the carcass and a recipe for stew. Fat white men in red suits is doormen. Tip ’em. As for the rest, jeans & all, the Obama redistribution party will be held at your local store Inauguration Day eve, since you obviously can’t cough up the $20K for a ticket to see The One crowned in person. Grab me a flat screen, would ya’?

  22. Mossberg500 says:

    yes, and some double ought buckshot!

  23. happyfeet says:

    nishi left a song for me today that I couldn’t listen to at work. Does anyone remember where? I looked and google and tried the search box.

  24. Mossberg500 says:

    hf, wasn’t it at Patterico?

  25. Mossberg500 says:

    little cindy ho
    lurvs her some grinch
    cause he stole her tree
    by stuffing it up the chimney

  26. pdbuttons says:

    kris krinkle
    my legs all a tinkle
    but i would never Fink u out
    omerta/mafioso/reindeerblood hoof cut exchange…
    are u going in the witness protection program?
    cuz i’ll give u the price
    prancer-6000
    oz
    dancer-6500 oz
    blitzen and witzen-[they prefer euros]

    and if u can get the rude boy!
    IF u can get the RUDE BOY?
    u be retiring santa
    on some tropical beach!

  27. Sdferr says:

    Did’ja find it yet hf? Try #20 on Statesmanship.

  28. Mossberg500 says:

    hf, I could only find spiralling.

  29. pdbuttons says:

    as SANTA!
    i like crippled kids of rich people
    [they touch me!]
    cuz u can always bribe them with promises
    and then
    walk away!
    and they usually make up for their lack of ‘one -‘ sense[think-legs]
    for another!-like -for instance-remembering the combination to daddy’s safe
    but i hate cookies!
    and that’s when they can tell ur bullshittin’ em
    cookies!

  30. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    “who from what I gather
    isn’t much interested in
    bringing me a pair of
    PRPS jeans, etc., etc., blah blah blah

    What the hell is “PRPS” jeans. How can I ask for it if it is one of the unknowns I don’t know that I don’t know about. And then He won’t bring it anyway! Why am I alive, you bastard.

  31. Mossberg500 says:

    ol’ saint nick and
    his kielbasa like dick
    on dasher and prancer
    run rudolph quick

  32. happyfeet says:

    spiralling was it… Thank you both!!

  33. Sdferr says:

    Pennsylvania Recreation and Parks Society? Nope.
    Paso Robles Public Schools? Nope.
    Ah, here we have it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PRPS

  34. pdbuttons says:

    spiralling st. nick

    we’ve lost him
    he’s off the grid

    we’ve got a red tracking device on the lead rheindeer…
    ur breaking up…
    the “kraftwerk” navy seal rescue team team
    is on it’s way way

    Q-is that how a video goes “Viral”
    cuz i need comp lessons to keep up

  35. Mossberg500 says:

    Get it! Versitile, reliable, semi-automatic and I’ll be very jealous!

  36. pdbuttons says:

    as a representative of mr kringle
    [now- mind u- i cannot confirm or deny that i am a representative of mr kringle]
    but if i was a representative of said kringle [aka klaus]
    and i mite say-theoretactly[sp]

    may i inquire about a said chimney firepower spray gun
    a heat cookie-missle gun?
    to save the chocalate milk
    [which will be cold on your screen!]
    and would u be able to mold said cookie chimney gun in the form of antlers?
    cuz that would be awesome!

  37. happyfeet says:

    Yup on the viral. What’s interesting is there’s no consensus on whether we can quantify individuals’ degree of influence on contributing to when that happens and there’s some very kooky uncertainty principles when you try. This is partly why nishi is so interesting I think.

  38. pdbuttons says:

    where can i get in touch w/nishi
    please br serious
    it takes me ten minutes to change the fuck around here [i love it!]
    i am starting to type with two hands!
    lookout henry ford!
    i mite drive over ur grave

    HF-i don’t mind peeps insults/but im a free associating guy
    my brain works faster than my fingers!
    WAY faster

  39. pdbuttons says:

    what i mean /is peeps always say “u sound like nishi”
    and
    quite frankly
    i think i’m a funny mo’fo
    so
    if i have an evil twin
    let’s begin

  40. pdbuttons says:

    elf poem
    it is not the stank of red jeans
    or his drunken cry of “on rudolph….” that makes me so mean
    it’s catcher in the rye
    if you gotta know

  41. pdbuttons says:

    4-4-4
    !!!!!
    say it!

  42. Sdferr says:

    …peeps always say “u sound like nishi…

    Yeah, well, some peeps ain’t got much on the ball too, so there’s that to take into account……mostly it was just a surface appearance thing with those peeps, I think, lack of capitals and such…….couldn’t have been the substance thing, cause there just isn’t any there/samesamethere, if you get my drift pdbuttons.

  43. Sdferr says:

    oh, booby err, orry, number foury, sorrerey

  44. happyfeet says:

    oh. I think people that say that haven’t really read you. When they do, they won’t or don’t say that anymore. nishi is wheelers_cat now. She came by here once recently to say she’s not you. It’s not an insult, really if people think you’re similar. She speaks an accented l33t. I say accented cause she’s actually elite I think so hers isn’t the ironic kind. Not everyone agrees. But it’s a totally different idiom than yours. She’ll be around more, sooner or later. What brings her back around is sometimes surprising and always interesting.

  45. pdbuttons says:

    thanks hf-ur nice/ i don’t care about my idiom!
    sometimetime i play my piano in my liberace clothes
    and other times dressed as jerry lee lewis w/ my 18[ no- really’
    wife sitting on my lap
    i don’t want to spoil the party so i’ll go…
    i would hate to disappoint i know…
    if theres nothing for me here
    then i will dissapear…
    unless that santa queer gives me my wanty’s

    double/double-beatle-santa reference!

  46. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    say it!

    I’m black and I’m proud, loud.

  47. pdbuttons says:

    thanks 4 the reference
    how would i get that orange thing-[link] don’t tell me t-nite
    later sometimecuz then i’d be un….un….unnn
    steeple- ble

    kiss my equestrian hop-hop-clop big horse ass
    bitches!

  48. pdbuttons says:

    like a dull knife
    u just ain’t cuttin’
    talkin loud
    and saying nothing [JAMES BROWN]

  49. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    Think

  50. pdbuttons says:

    that is sooo niggardly
    think?
    aretha
    jb?
    i am not the nubian art bell!

  51. Sdferr says:

    THINK

    IBM

  52. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    jb, because of teh benificence!

  53. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    Btw, pd, I can out niggardly you, and I don’t even need me a mojo hand.

  54. pdbuttons says:

    i agree
    you can out niggardly me
    but only when we tip the waitress

  55. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    Whiskey and Women almost wrecked my life

  56. pdbuttons says:

    i hope ur stomping ur feets and gruffling
    john lee hooker style
    cuz i didn’t have any shoe finery
    or a mama
    i couldn’t even afford trash…man

  57. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    Boogie Chillin

    Ain’t got no home…..
    I’m a lonley Frog…

    Po me…

    No mind, The Trashman Cometh.

  58. Thomas says:

    pdbuttons, nishi has a blog called ghost blog at quantumghosts.blogspot.com

  59. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    I bought you a suit nishi
    Cost 99.99
    Now you want to mistreat me nishi
    And take on all the time

    You better hear me nishi

  60. Gnasty says:

    You do know that the whole “Mrs. Claus” thing is just a cover, right? Plays with elves, sneaks into little kids rooms at night.

    Man, you gotta wonder.

  61. lee the knife says:

    Reindeer cool? Yeah, if you mean cool in a Sopranos kinda way. Fucking Teamsters are just like the mob.

    Ain’t no one getting in that gig less someone already in the gig recommends you, know what I’m saying?

    Fuckers squeezed so many breaks in for their “reindeer games”, bastards only work one day a year. And let me tell ya, keeping that horny bunch of eating machines in feed and fun for a year ain’t cheap!

    Remember that if your sock looks kinda lite this year.

  62. accurate pollster says:

    J.”Trashman” Peden? Nice sock puppet Jeff.

    But that’s what Outlaws do, isn’t it?

  63. machine gun lee says:

    Sorry pollster, J. Peden is a long time commenter here.

    You aren’t up to speed yet skippy.

  64. accurate pollster says:

    That’s Slippery Slope-ism machine gun lee.

    Try again.

  65. Mossberg500 says:

    santa has alot in common with michale jackson
    hung out with elves[emmanual lewis]
    mrs. claus nothing but a beard[lisa marie]
    what’s in that hot chocolate[jesus juice]
    kringle stuffs children’s stocking[25th anniversary edition of thriller]
    ever see’em together
    coincidence

  66. machine gun lee says:

    Oh, I get it pollster, you are a sockpuppet for the MAN.

    But that’s what paranoid totalitarian regimes do, isn’t it?

  67. N. O'Brain says:

    “THINK

    IBM”

    THMINK

    thor

  68. serr8d says:

    errrahmmmmm….outlier outlaws do not wear PRPS jeans…*

  69. accurate pollster says:

    Totalitarian? Pish. The Man isn’t such a bad guy once get to know him.

    I think he just got kind of bored with Republicans.

  70. N. O'Brain says:

    Funny:

    Liberty Girl: You know, we need a pool.

    Mister Liberty Girl: A dead pool?

    Liberty Girl: Um…no, a pool predicting the day The Messiah’s approval rating drops below 50%

    Mister Liberty Girl: Well, seeing as how it’s only at 52% right now that won’t take long.

    http://libertygirl.org/

    She went right into my favorites.

  71. Mossberg500 says:

    The Man isn’t such a bad guy once get to know him.

    Nils Bejerot would like you to participate in a research project. When are you available?

  72. J."Trashman" Peden says:

    J.”Trashman” Peden? Nice sock puppet Jeff.

    I just want my presents – sniff.

  73. Dan Are says:

    Mossberg500-would a Maverick Bullpup make you jealous? I’m not talking the Republican, either. I’m curious what it’d bring these days. Now, back on topic…

    Socialized health care
    Compels celery be left
    For state-owned fat arse.

  74. Dan Collins says:

    When up on the roof there arose such a clatter that I sprang from my bed to see who the fuck was shitting on my roof.

  75. Sdferr says:

    Not to mention cracking that very expensive slate. O mama, wait til the snow melts.

  76. pdbuttons says:

    i’m not son of sam
    and i only occasionally talk to my dog
    but when i do i ask him
    hey doggie-what’s on top of a house
    and he says “woof”
    i really feel we have a connection

  77. happyfeet says:

    I slept on it and I had my coffees out of my new mug and I really really think it should be the reindeers are cool poem … but I already nitpicked once already. This is twice in the same thread. I really like my new mug they gave me.

  78. pdbuttons says:

    dear rain
    i hear the pitter patter on my roof

    rain man
    count the straw of my thatch-roofed shingles

    man ray
    take a picture of mommy [eeuw-buzz-walla-walla bing bang]
    kissing santa claus

    thank u for the carbon credit
    don’t eat the cookies next year

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