For every one hour of community service work I give to Obama, I’ve decided to spend two hours tagging Whole Foods stores with ornate graffiti describing, in lurid detail, the secret life of Herbie, the closeted gay arugula.
— Then I’ll use up the rest of my hours standing guard with a crossbow, making sure no fascist right wing homophobic bluenose tries removing said graffiti, under penalty of grisly death.
Because I’m all about celebrating the Otherness. Haters.
I bought persimmons last weekend. I have no idea what they are. They’ve been looking at me all week questioningly and I don’t know what to tell them.
Start with telling them they are going to like their new friends cinnamon and cream, hf.
Happy, just tell them to be glad they made it safely off the tree. Life in the wild is rough for a persimmon. When I was a kid our next-door neighbors had a persimmon tree. Ripe persimmons are almost as good as water balloons, and you don’t have to get them at a store.
You need to give equal time to exposing transgendered vegetables as well – for teh fairness! Bigot!
Tool of teh Craptocracy is what you are.
OK, maybe a Snap-On Tool
for every flower power hour of commune service
i will spend two hours scowering
No chance of Palin-lovers steam cleaning the Whole Paycheck nearest you, Goldstein. Those places must have been invented for Boulder or Berkeley or something, what with the fresh, rice paper-wrapped one kilo packages of Smug™
placed conspicuously next to the organic Volvo air filters.
I thought Herbie was a love bug.
I’m guessing your tagging activities would be a hit if you made a video and posted it to YouTube. Oops, I said a bad thing around here, didn’t I?
If community service means going outside to the range and practicing with a Colt Trooper revolver, then I just finished my weekly duty.
no shoes/no shirt/no service
Any southern boy will tell you the best way to eat persimmons is to feed them to a deer then eat the deer.
oh. They sound sort of complex. I will make a persimmon orange green tea smoothie when I get home I think and go from there. Unless there’s weird seeds involved. Tipping points. I would bet it’s already close to half the number of Whole Foods shoppers what think of themselves as not like those people who shop at Whole Foods. Baracky’s class warfare divideyness will accelerate this trend I think. That’s what happened to Starbucks already.
If the persimmons aren’t rip your mouth will pucker up. This is the extent of my encyclopedic knowlege of persimmons.
ripe for rip there.
Persimmons are probably going to be on the menu at the re-education camps. And soylent green.
I’ve decided that my O!-force service work will be tagging Whole Foods markets with ornate graffiti…
Most will celebrate conservative and classical liberal figures from the past as well as allegories of that same ideology…
But, you know, in kind of a Shepard Fairey, socialist realist style, the preferred age of O! manner of depiction…
Because it’s all about Diversity!, Tolerance!, Inclusive-ness!, Unity!…
And I’m sure that they’re not simply talking about race when they trumpet these value slogans; they must be referring to ideas as well-right..? I mean, you don’t think they would endlessly repeat slogans like that if they didn’t, well, really mean it…
Because, you know, they’re a post-racial bunch…
Persimmon cookies are the bomb HF.
Whole Foods? Don’t you at least have to have a Wal Mart around in order to actually get enough to eat?
No wonder those prissy anus-wipes are always braying about “hunger”. To me, Community Service means letting them convert themselves into dried sea weed. At least that’s how the Japs do it – “Solyent Green gone dried sushi” – I’ve heard tell/anon. – Apparently still doesn’t get you a Warrior vest, though.
That sounds very Christmassy. Ok can someone help me with the “sieved persimmon pulp” concept? What do I need to buy or does that just mean throw them in the blender and pulse on a low setting and then sort of drain the water off?
You wanna get the strings out, so just force whole pulp trough a sieve. Or if your whirl-a-gig cuts the strings to nothings, use it all.
h
Got it. I will give it a go when I have all that time off at Thanksgiving if the persimmons are still at my little el supermercado store. I’m doing those salvadoran quesadilla thingers then too.
I’m going to fulfill my mandatory community service requirement by tagging government buildings with the text of the thirteenth Amendment.
“Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime where of the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction . . . .”
To meet my hours of Mandatory Voluntary service, I think I’ll head to the nearest Borders, and misplace all the books written by liberals. Saving them from themselves, if you will.
‘Cause I’m a giver.
That part of the document needs some fixin’, Benedick. See, it’s imperfect as is. Can we fix it? YES WE CAN!
My Grandma used to make persimmon bread when I was a kid. Mmmmmmm
I like the idea of doing nothing useful and getting recognized. It is so soviet.
The word “parsimonious” comes from persimmon. Which is funny because it doesn’t look like the juice at all.
My friend gave me a recipe for persimmons cake that we made for Thanksgiving about 8 years ago. It was delicious. Want it, feets?
So I suppose American persimmons are just not good enough for Cher – you know, to tighten up “that certain part” of the female anatomy?
Whatever, I smell money.
I have actually been inside the Whole Foods in Berkeley. And the arugula definitely looked at me funny.
OK, actually, the arugula just sort of sat there in its bin. It was the Berkeleyites who looked at me funny. Probably because I was wearing a shirt that reads, “Crude Oil Saves Lives.”
God I love that shirt.
Arugula is too cool to take notice of any bitter clingers who might mistakenly stray into the store. You could pick some up while it’s in the middle of talking to its buds, and it’ll keep talking right up until you … do whatever the fuck it is you;re supposed to do with arugula.
It’s an aluminum-siding treatment, right?
Thanks puck, I’ll stick with the cookies though I think. Cakes are hard. I’m easing into this baking thing. These persimmon things though are awesome. Great smoothie and you don’t have to peel them and no weird seeds or anything.
My public service shall constitute participating in a Living History Museum diorama, wearing a lovely two-piece knit suit with diamond bee pins on the lapel, my grey hair swept up in a chignon, smoking, seated at a table & playing bridge in a country club lounge. My new socialist overlords will lead young school children past me, whispering to their young charges: “Comrade Obama rid our homeland of such monsters.”
Hey. That’s how I expect to survive the deluge: bourbon and bridge mix.
my grey hair swept up in a chignon
I feel very strongly that if I had any idea what that meant I’d be a better person.
All I know about persimmons is the verse in Boil That Cabbage Down.
Possum in a ‘simmon tree
Raccoon on the ground
Raccoon says you son-of-a-gun
Shake some ‘simmons down
I think it may be some kind of steak, ‘feets. Filet chignon.
You feel certain the curators won’t have any trouble finding a forth, Lesley?
Persimmon was the prefered golfclub wood, hf. Related to the ebony, I think.
Now that Obama is President I think the coons will have equal access to all fruits.
Yeah, yeah. I denounce myself already.
r
Yeah, that was a great Queen song.
Boil your cabbage down
Boil your cabbage down
Throw your arugula outdoors
I don’t need it smellin’
Boil your cabbage down
Boil your cabbage down
Give me all your gas tonight
I liked this one hf. Chignon, that is.
oh. So it’s a tree. These ones looked like they could be related to tomatoes. My el supermercado is one of those that sometimes gets the irregular fruits, the ones Ralph’s turns their nose up at. Lots of these I got are the two-grown-together kind. I got some cherries like that too from there earlier this year. I never realized that’s how that all worked.
oh. That’s beautiful I think. That chignon. Except sometimes it seems cold. You know who you are.
My wife wore that style everyday but mostly as a practical thing (well, so we could pretend anyhow) as a painter who needed to keep it out of the way and un-thought-about. She wasn’t cold unless she chose to be, which was rare.
Sdferr re: a fourth?
North: Bill Gates, retired (Microsoft Nationalized, for the motherland)
South: Warren Buffet, retired (Berkshire Hathaway Nationalized, for the motherland)
East: Harold Vanderbilt (courtesy of taxidermist, pour encourager les autres)
West: Moi
A sweet little old lady, reading Protein Wisdom. OUTLAW. Who’da thunk it?
Oh, sorry L., I hadn’t considered the deceased to be eligible. But Omar’s still kicking, ain’t he? Mebbe they could round him up, surely a better conversationalist than Harold, n’est-ce-pas?
I’ve been emailing my resume to everyone on Obama’s “Cabinet Short List”. I want to make sure my ass is in Cheyenne mountain when time-traveling Al Gore shows up and starts breeding giant groundhogs and naked mole rats to combat the invasion of mutated intelligent dandelions that spread from the contaminated Yongbyon nuke site after the Obama administration launched full-scale talks with the Norks headed by Scarlett Johansson and Ethan Hawke. A team that, without even trying, single-handedly talked the North Korean shadow government into trying to ship the unstable core of the reactor to Burma overland. In the back seat of a rusted out, 70’s vintage, Russian Volga GAZ-21.
Yeah, didn’t turn out so well.
I choose …oh dear, this is so hard …twooo, NO, one, NO: three …I choose Door Three.
Hmm. I want to be Lesley when I grow up.
As of today, I spent the night calling bullshit on a room full of Obamatrons saying, “Sarah doesn’t know Africa’s a continent or who’s in NAFTA… hee hee hee”. Fuckers. Like the governor of FUCKING Alaska who ran a commercial fishing business, was a National Honor Society student and was raised by 2 schoolteachers wouldn’t know that.
Fine. Like she’s not gonna go home, put on her asskicking boots, and rub their noses in it for the next four years.
Oh? Did you not get the point that some of us will enjoy this? Yes. Yes, we will.
My community service consists of hoarding ammo and bullet squeezins, to keep it all out of the hands of the right wing kooks, you see.
I read Sister Palin had to return her ass-kicking boots to Saks 5th Ave. Time to re-sole her Alaska welfare snowbunny boots and beg the felonious Sen. Stevens for federal earmark moolah.
Drilled, baby, drilled.
I read that thor better start working on that free gas, bitch.
Thor is no longer cuting edge or even edgy. He’s a boring establishment shill.
thor
is a
bore.
eighth deadliest sin. You own it, boy!
Now hustle up tha mogas
Thor is no longer cuting edge or even edgy. He’s a boring establishment shill.
thor
is a
bore.
eighth deadliest sin. You own it, boy!
Now hustle up that mogas, bitch.
This has to be one of the funniest pw threads of all time.
Except for the thor infestation, of course.
Somebody call Terminex!
Wait. Hold it. Africa’s what?
Do those fuckers in the media know how racist it is to insist that Africa’s incontinent? From what I see in National Geographic, most Africans wear pants, right? Incontinent people have major problems keeping their pants clean. In a place like Africa, where it’s abnormally hot thanks to the piles of dead polar bears, common sense says that if you can’t hold it in you’re not going to be wearing pants all the time. Think “Darwin” people!
JG: Crossbow? Nah; get your hands on a Beretta CX4 in .40S&W (cheaper than 9mm, ’cause it’s not as popular); Five minutes’ work with a Dremel makes it full-auto (just look at the trigger-sear and you’ll figure it out; not even any need to disassemble the gun) — although I can’t guarantee how long it’ll remain functional, with that plastic (!) hammer….
And, hf? You really have to be careful eating all that Mexican food, without the (native) amoebic dysentery to keep you slim….
I’m glad to see they have realized that there is a use for all you comrad repub. monkeys. Commie service cleaning up all the monkey crap. It’s about time you clean up after yourselves.
Guys,
Arugula is not a gay thing…it’s a Protrero Hill thing, which has wealthy urban dyke written all over it.
That, and nineties, dot-com money…that’s written on it, too, a lot.
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You’re on to something with this outlaw stuff.
Part of the fun being a conservative way back when was the underground aspects.
Comment by kellymo on 11/8 @ 11:28 pm #
“As of today, I spent the night calling bullshit on a room full of Obamatrons saying, “Sarah doesn’t know Africa’s a continent or who’s in NAFTA… hee hee heeâ€Â.”
I sorta think we should just let them go in public but fight back in media / print. Let lefties cocoon themselves into such a twisted alternative reality that they become easier to beat with the more realistic general public (re: you want to vote for lefties? They believe all this crazy stuff like blaw blaw blaw)…
I like Carin’s idea, although, I’ll settle for just swapping the slip covers between Ann Coulter and Al Franken books. Think you’re buying one? You get the other. Imagine the sweet, delicious chaos. If feel so…so…empowered!
I imagine the sounds of skull exploding after the first page or two will likely drown out the screams of dismay.
I. Am. EVIL.