In order to combat the evils of riverboat gamblin’ on the Ohio river, the Kentucky legislature is calling for the formation of a Kentucky Navy, and “subsequently immediately encourages the purchase and armament of one particularly effective submarine, namely, the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class Submarine, to patrol the portion of the Ohio River under the jurisdiction of the Commonwealth to engage and destroy any casino riverboats that the submarine may encounter.”
No, really. I’m serious.
Article I, Section 10, paragraph 3 of the U.S. Constitution:
“No State shall, without the consent of Congress, lay any duty of Tonnage, keep Troops, OR SHIPS OF WAR in time of Peace, enter into any Agreement or Compact with another State, or with a foreign Power, or engage in War, unless actually invaded, or in such imminent Danger as will not admit of delay.” (emphasis mine)
I want to the admission of the enabling bill to Congress. Remind me in time to switch to C-SPAN.
Woulda been cool, though, huh?
Calling it a navy is unnecessary. They could just make it part of the state police. They also might be able to do it under a pseudo-militia which is allowed “to bear arms” under the second Amendment. (Oops. I forgot the states gave up state militia power with the creation of a national gaurd.)
With regards to Article I, Section 10, paragraph 3 of the U.S. Constitution, it does specify “in times of peace”. Being that we’re at war, there may be a loophole here. Still, a Los Angeles Class SSN is a bit big for patroling a river. They’d be better off buying one or two of North Korea’s Sango class SSC boats. Hell, they’ll sell weapons to anyone. (Then again, given the sate of quality control in the DPRK, they might be safer just recommisioning the <i>Hunley</i>…) Still, whoever sponsored this bill deserves the Croix de Grits for standing up to the damn casino lobby!
But the problem is we’re not at war, so the State Police option may be a go, except you’ll have a few hundred lawsuits on your hands from the families of the passengers aboard the ill-fated riverboat.
But will the riverboats arm themselves in self-defense? A river allows zero manueverability for a large submarine, so a casino riverboat armed with simple Mark I torpedoes should be able to blast it our of the water.
(Jeff, are you sure this wasn’t a joke?)
Well, I think the KY legislature is just havin’ some fun, but…
<a href=”http://www1.stateline.org/state.do?state=KY”>Stateline.org: Kentucky</a>
…seems real enough.
All’s I know is, I wanna be a riverboat <i>pirate</i>! I’ve been looking for an excuse to swashbuckle for years!