Word of advice: when a neighbor asks you what you’re planning for Halloween, never, ever say “getting ripped on Jim Beam, then fucking me the hell out of some of them subdivision jack-o-lanterns, with their hot, orange, come hither grins.” Not even in jest.
Unless, that is, you enjoy visits from Child’s Services.
Developing…
I left the site for a while due to lack of Jeff. After reading this, my face hurts from laughing and I realized that I’ve REALLY missed reading him.
Child services?
More like the candidate selection committee of your local Democrat caucus.
There’s a lot of prestige to be had for identifying a new identity group to pander to. They just don’t fall out of trees, you know.
“Now, give a big welcome to that new and proud voice for pumpkin fuckers across the nation…!!!”
“Hope, Change, and hot squishy pulp!”
Two words: flaming zucchini.
Theme song: “When a Man Loves a Pumpkin”
Well, if you get caught, there’s always the Cinderella excuse…”Damn! Is it midnight already?”
“But Officer, there was a hamster in that Pumpkin I swear!”
And now you know why my wife won’t let me talk to the neighbors.
TaiChi, how dare you steal my band name!?
And this is why armadillos have a deep aversion to orange clothing.
That’s better than what I had planned: every time I answer the door that night, I plan to scream loudly and slam it shut again. Same as every other night.
I gave out bacon sandwiches one year, and no one ever came back.
Is pumpkin pie exempt? Should I be having me some worries about the whipped cream?
We can always come over closer to Thanksgiving, if that would work out for you and the Mrs.
Did you cook the bacon?
that reminds me it’s time to go to Trader Joe’s and see if they have the gay pumpkin ice cream. I’ll do that this weekend cause I want some burritos anyway.
But for real you buy brand name garbage bags? That’s so elitist.
How do you know a pumpkin’s gay?
Which, that would make more sense on the other thread over there, but the point stands. Me I don’t buy garbage bags cause the trash chute thinger is just a few steps away so I just use the Ralph’s paper bag thingers. It says on the door to the trash chute you’re not supposed to but I do it anyway.
oh. no. it’s the ice cream that’s gay. It’s from San Francisco and it has some sort of rainbow emblem thinger if I remember right. And it’s signed like … enjoy our ice cream we made it for you … love, Mike and Steve. Something like that. But I heard they weren’t really gay it’s just marketing and I guess a lot of their workers are of that tribe. But it’s really good ice cream and you can only get it around this time.
All I can say, hf, is that you’ve inspired me to stop on the way home and see if Graeter’s Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream is in the stores. Which won’t do much for my waistline.
That one sounds good too. I think it’s probably the same idea. We don’t have those here. Hey it says they’re in Denver now though.
When I lived in Sacramento, I used to go to Raley’s in November and be able to choose between a pumpkin-pie cheesecake, or a raspberry-swirl cheesecake.
Anyone who still lives out there, do they still offer those?
Call any vegetable… call it by name!
I guess I didn’t really have to choose between ’em, but they weren’t small cheesecakes. Taking one of each home would have been indecent.
Trader Joe’s…. i think when I get home, I will go stand in one and just smile.
Do whatever you want with your pumpkins. I honestly don’t care what sort of drunken Autumnal bacchanal you and your smiling gourds may partake in.
But I’m sorry I’ll have to pass on that delicious-looking pie, Mrs. Goldstein.
You said h-e-double hockey sticks? I’m suprised they didn’t shoot you on the spot.
*sigh*
Apparently the pumpkin pie ice cream isn’t out yet. So I had to settle for chocolate chip cookie dough.
However, this weekend I’ll be driving to a town that has not only pumpkin pie ice cream, but everything pumpkin: bread, pie, beer, cakes, stew… Maybe I’ll find some there.
I bought a 5 pound tub of chocolate chip cookie dough last night. It now weighs considerably less.
Despair not. Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is nature’s perfect food.