Search






Jeff's Amazon.com Wish List

Archive Calendar

November 2024
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Archives

in which I am suddenly, ruthlessly, and without justification, upbraided by glass of Ruffino Chianti Classico: 3

Ruffini Chianti Classico: “You sad conservatives! You simply cannot bring yourselves to appreciate the sublime aesthetics of a Barack Obama — the soaring rhetoric, the elevation and glory of beauty and style over the drab, pedestrian monotony of functionality, so blandly redundant in its predictable partisan substance. You are monkeys. And as such, you don’t deserve one so postmodern as a Barack Obama.

“– Nor, come to think of it, do you deserve me. You don’t serve elegance alongside hillbilly kitsch. So please, donate me to a progressive family, I beg of you — lest I die of shame being juxtaposed so closely with a 64 oz plastic bottle of Mountain Dew…”

117 Replies to “in which I am suddenly, ruthlessly, and without justification, upbraided by glass of Ruffino Chianti Classico: 3”

  1. “…and don’t think I don’t know about those ghastly Rieslings you’ve got stashed in the liquor cabinet, you crypto-nazi, you.”

  2. Education Guy says:

    Threaten to drink it through a Twizzlers straw and it’ll become a little more appreciative of ideological diversity. Or so my experience has taught me.

  3. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Make fun of the “wicker basket” thingy on it’s fat bottom and threaten to take it to Macaroni Grill.

    Where they’ll poor it in a jug with other chiantis.

    And people will drink it on the honor system.

    While their kids draw “boobies” on the table with crayons.

    That’ll show it.

  4. McGehee says:

    I always figured Thor as more of a Thunderbird.

    Unless we’re figuring “fortified” means something in debate that it doesn’t mean in wine.

  5. kelly says:

    Since I’m slightly hung over from a bottle and a half of Brunello from last night, I find this post somewhat meta. Thanks, Mr. Wisdom.

  6. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    I thought “fortified” always meant vitamins and minerals.

    Thor drinks Smirnoff Ice.

    Or if he’s feeling romantical and planning to fondle himself later?…box wine.

  7. McGehee says:

    LYBD, maybe I should have said Ripple, but I just thought that other brand was more appropriate.

  8. shank says:

    “You are monkeys. And as such, you don’t deserve one so postmodern as a Barack Obama.”

    One what, exactly? One Monkey!? RACIST!

  9. TaiChiWawa says:

    Chianti: a dry, red whine.

  10. Clint says:

    LYBD, Don’t do that box wine. That was harsh. Wine in a sealed container designed to keep it fresher longer than a bottle and always available to drink through the convenient spigot without the interference of breaking off the cork in the bottle has enough stigma attached to it; it doesn’t need Thor’s name added to it.

  11. Puck says:

    Please tell me I’m not the only one who read the Ruffino’s sudden, ruthless, and unjustified upbraiding of Jeff in the voice of Stewie, from Family Guy.

    And since I’m already on a non sequitor roll, the Ruffino is the one with pictures of old school Italian dudes wearing those short poofy pants on its label, right? I like that wine.

  12. Mountain Dew has actually been getting uppity lately. There are now variations called “Revolution” and that sort of thing. Time to find a new regular-guy drink.

  13. BJTexs says:

    Actually, Puck, I read that thing and all I could hear was the voice of Ernest Borgnine, which creeped me out.

    Fageddaboutit!

  14. Bob Reed says:

    I’ll bet the Ruffino would be shocked! to learn that O! prefers Pinot Noir……

    Barry:
    “I’m disappointed in Ruffino; that’s not the chianti I knew these oast 20 years…”

  15. LionDude says:

    Actually, the Chianti is so stuck up it doesn’t realize the many varietals of Mountain Dew available: Voltage, Code Red, Revolution, Live Wire. Went to a tasting party at a local 7-11. They all go well with Taquitos.

  16. shank says:

    LionDude – you forgot Baha Blast: The only reason to set foot in a Taco Bell.

  17. thor says:

    “Are you really the Messiah?”

    “Yes I am. Believe it.”

  18. Whitehall says:

    You want a true Red Neck drink, forget Mountain Dew!

    Try Prune-Tang.

    “Have you had your Prune-Tang Today?”

  19. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “maybe I should have said Ripple, but I just thought that other brand was more appropriate.”

    No, no. I hear you. Thor’s just sad. It’s like…he owns the biggest wine cooler on Earth, but doesn’t know any girls from New Jersey (how’s that for Stewie, Puck?).

    “Don’t do that box wine. That was harsh.”

    You’re right, you’re right. In fairness, my Mom bought box wine for parties.

    Seymore Hersh always got a plastic cup. Everybody else got nice wine glasses.

    Mom fucking hated him.

    Anyway. The great thing about the “wine box?” As a kid, you could filch from it (get the neighbor girl drunk and she’d take off her pants), and as long as you didn’t drain it (the wine box, not the neighbor girl), your parents never knew any was missing!

    Giggity.

    Two for two Puck. Fuck you buddy.

  20. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    The same people that mock the genius that is Mountain Dew, drink Red Bull.

    That shit is nothing but bull semen, windex, & rubbing alcohol.

    And you can’t even taste the bull semen.

  21. LionDude says:

    Shank,

    The Baja Blast harvest was not yet ready at the tasting party.

    Turns out Diet Mountain Dew Code Red really brings out the flavor and texture of Funyuns and cleanses the pallet remarkably well after Hostess Sno Balls.

  22. Ric Locke says:

    You are monkeys. And as such, you don’t deserve one so postmodern as a Barack Obama.

    Absolutely true. Far too good for us. So just go the f* away, how ’bout it?

    Regards,
    Ric

  23. BJTexs says:

    Hmmm. Why would anybody want to cleans their palate of Hostess Sno Balls, the world’s most perfect snack cake?

    Barbarian!

  24. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Turns out Diet Mountain Dew Code Red really brings out the flavor and texture of Funyuns”…

    Don’t fuck around. The Funyuns Plant in Flint, Michigan is an arm of Frito-Lay’s Holy Trinity.

    Since 1969, two Popes have showed up in person to bless the Plant.

    Did you see that movie ‘Constantine’?

    Was Ok.

    But nothing like the ‘HellBlazer’ books.

    But Keanu flat out talked shit to the devil!

    That was cool.

    Anyway.

    Be careful talking about Funyuns (Peace Be Upon Them).

    Just saying.

  25. Sdferr says:

    I’ll second that H.S.B. endorsement, BJTexs. And add, accept no imitations.

  26. thor says:

    Ever try to flush a Funyun? It’s like they walk on water.

  27. McGehee says:

    Ever try to flush a Funyun? It’s like they walk on water.

    They are O!’s John the Baptist!

  28. Salt Lick says:

    Keep it up, bitch, and tonight you’re marinating the pork chops.

  29. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Ever try to flush a Funyun? It’s like they walk on water.”

    …And they look just like your Jonestown, O! salute.

    Excellent.

    “Funyuns…the Official Snack of the Democratic National Convention.”

    Every Funyuns bag at the convention will read: ‘Taken from Flint, Michigan and made by Russian Workers Union, Local 666 in South Ossetia, Georgia.”

    Get away from the deep end thor. You’re not wearing your water wings.

  30. thor says:

    OT, but check out Serena Williams. She’s wearing a more typical bra instead of her usual more restrictive sports-bra type-thing. Each one of ’em has a gravitational life of its own, like two monopodes trying to escape the police.

  31. Puck says:

    Eh? Did I offend somehow, Lamont?

    Oh, and not that I object to jokes about girls from New Jersey, but just so we’re clear, I am one. However, I can (and do) boast — very loudly, very proudly — that I’ve not had a drop of boxed wine since my junior year of high school, when my best friend and I filched it from his mom’s stash before heading to the beach. (Pink boxed wine, too. Bleh!) And I don’t think I’ve ever had a wine cooler in my life.

    Also, for the record, I never took my pants off for, or in response to, either wine coolers or boxed wine. Gin and tonics, on the other hand….

    As for the Ruffini, he is a right little prick, but he goes so nicely with spaghetti and homemade red sauce. Yummm.

  32. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Gee, thor. A nasty ‘Serena Williams’ post.

    That would make you a racist on a level no other ‘Karl’ has even thought of in the whole fucking Multi-Verse.

    Good on you for coming clean.

    Of course…No joking here, thor. Your a racist. An obvious one. Scorched cross in the backyard and everything.

    We don’t ‘debate’ or ‘argue facts’ here with racists.

    You know how it works.

    So long, honkey.

  33. David McKinnis says:

    asdfjhgf fjhfja]=-08en dej’pd’mnD’POD DS[Pdjd Epidj9jwd dpod poQDPJ

    Above still no look like Shakespaere.
    Where my postmodern banana.

  34. N. O'Brain says:

    “#

    Comment by McGehee on 8/14 @ 2:17 pm #

    Ever try to flush a Funyun? It’s like they walk on water.

    They are O!’s John the Baptist!”

    Or his halo.

  35. Urainium238 says:

    Ruffini Chianti Classico, I am sorry but juxtaposition is one of the signs of the post modern in art. As a result, I’d take it up your despondency with Rosalind Krauss or Griselda Pollock but I wouldn’t expect much. I hear they’re more attentive to the 2005 Prosecco Perlage Riva Moretta because it’s a “uncomplicated pleasure.” It seems you’re a little, er, “high matience.”

  36. Techie says:

    I prefer a more non-DOC Sangenovese myself. Or a Barolo.

  37. Techie says:

    Also, what about a SuperTuscan?

  38. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Eh? Did I offend somehow, Lamont?”

    Not at all. I swear. I was just fucking with you.

    Plus, now I know you’re a girl.

    And possibly hot.

    I love you.

    …And I have apparently been grossly misinformed about chicks from New Jersey.

    But, come on!

    What 12 year old girl doesn’t take off her pants after a couple of cups of box wine?**

    **DISCLAIMER: I was 12 years old at the time too! (Ok, 10 years old…but I knew what I wanted).

    …giggity.

  39. kelly says:

    I scored a bottle of Sassicaia yesterday insanely cheap, bitches.

  40. Carin says:

    They say boxed wine is not like it used to be; it’s a better quality. The snob in me refuses to explore the possibility.

  41. Puck says:

    Ah, no worries, Lamont. Sadly, I am drinking neither wine, nor spirits, nor beer, as I am in the family way at the moment. And I don’t feel particularly hot, being that I appear to have swallowed a small planet. But thanks anyways for the love. That’s very kind.

    I should also advise you that, while not all Jersey girls drink wine coolers and the cheap boxed shit, most do. So you’re not all that misinformed, my man. On the upside (or perhaps not), most of them take their pants off afterward. So you’ve got that going for you. Giggity giggity…giggity goo.

  42. urthshu says:

    “Hillbilly Kitsch”?
    Is that a kind of cheese? I haven’t seen that at Wegmans.

  43. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “They say boxed wine is not like it used to be; it’s a better quality. The snob in me refuses to explore the possibility.”

    And you’re right. The ‘Edison’ booze invention era died with the pony keg, and bucket margaritas.

    And don’t go yapping about the beer bong.

    That wasn’t Edison.

    It was that Super Bad Ass.

    Tesla!

  44. Mikey NTH says:

    To the bottle of wine:

    “Whatcha gonna do, pal? I could let that gorrila next to you loose, and you’ll wake up in some dumpster filled with Boone’s Farm. Yeah, I mean that pal, and I’m just the guy that can have that done – I know lots of beverages in this town, it can all be arranged. So if I was you I’d keep my mouth shut, and you will. I know a smart wine when I sip it.

    If you don’t play ball that’s what’ll happen. So what’s it gonna be?”

  45. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Hillbilly Kitsch”?
    “Is that a kind of cheese? I haven’t seen that at Wegmans.”

    It’s been a feature in the IKEA catalog for the last two months. The ‘Rustic Gin Still’ is very nice.

    Where have you been?

  46. Puck says:

    I wouldn’t taunt the Ruffini. He may sport pictures of men in short poofy pantaloons, but he’s from Italy. He’ll have you sleeping wit da fishes. To paraphrase Clemenza:

    “Oh, Mikey NTH. Won’t see him no more.”

  47. Mikey NTH says:

    “And don’t think of trying anything. Bonded whisky could do something; I know bonded whiskey and you ain’t no bonded whiskey. Phil Marlowe drinks bonded whiskey. You aren’t worthy to touch the hem of his trenchcoat. So shaddup and just sit there.”

  48. Mikey NTH says:

    “You ain’t in Jersey, pal. You’re in Colorado now. So don’t be stupid – you may not wake up in a dumpster, you may wake up at the bottom of an old mine shaft, only you won’t be wakin’ up. Mad Dog over here likes that sort of thing – kinda obsesses on it – unnerstand?

    By the way, how come you’re wearin’ Amelia’s bloomers?”

  49. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Puck:

    I knew it. Meadow Soprano drank winecoolers…and she was pretty high class.

    Congrats on the awesome bun in the oven.

    Don’t let him/her get “volunteered” into Obama’s “Hitler Youth” civilian SS army.

    And be sure to teach him/her how to throw rocks at INERNATIONAL ANSWER protesters.

    And anyone who makes that O! salute.

    And people that slobber dial radio stations just to get on the air and call Sean Hannity a “Great American.”

    Teach him/her to throw extra hard at those people.

  50. Swen Swenson says:

    The obvious answer is to mix that cheap Chianti with the Mountain Dew and a squirt of juice from one of those plastic limes, serve it over ice and call it sangria. That will teach it who’s boss..

  51. Carin says:

    Chianti with Mountain Dew is technically closer to a wine cooler.

  52. thor says:

    #

    Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 8/14 @ 2:43 pm #

    Gee, thor. A nasty ‘Serena Williams’ post.

    That would make you a racist on a level no other ‘Karl’ has even thought of in the whole fucking Multi-Verse.

    Good on you for coming clean.

    Of course…No joking here, thor. Your a racist. An obvious one. Scorched cross in the backyard and everything.

    We don’t ‘debate’ or ‘argue facts’ here with racists.

    You know how it works.

    So long, honkey.

    Get yourself some of those rubber nipples and maybe that’ll help ween you from KK’s hind tit.

    Serena got her some tittays. Back to staring at ’em.

  53. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “The obvious answer is to mix that cheap Chianti with the Mountain Dew and a squirt of juice from one of those plastic limes, serve it over ice and call it sangria.”

    Can we add sesame seeds and olive oil from James Wolcott’s left teat?

    God, that would be delicious.

    We could stir it with a ‘thor stick’**

    ** a ‘thor stick,’ while technically stupid soild matter, is actually made from 100% douche water previously used by CERN physicists to calibrate the Large Hadron Collider.

    Those CERN dudes are wicked recyclers.

  54. qdpsteve says:

    Don’t get me started. My Pepsi’s already smirking and razzing me over the leftover pink lemonade in the cooler.

    Jeff, maybe just save the bottle of Ruffini to break over the head of the first overzealous DNC protester you encounter next month in Denver. Two birds and all…

  55. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    And, lookit…the CERN scientists are the smartest people on the planet.

    And their papers (with math!) proove that thor is constructed from racism, pedophile urine, weakness, random “strangelets,” “tiny black holes,” and gross chunks of French womens’ “feminine bill” from last month.

  56. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    And by ‘French Women’ I mean “Old French Whore” on SNL.

    The one with Garth Brooks.

    He’s thor.

  57. JD says:

    Congrats, Puck !

  58. N. O'Brain says:

    “Comment by Carin on 8/14 @ 4:58 pm #

    Chianti with Mountain Dew is technically closer to a wine cooler.”

    Technically closer to a crime against nature.

    THERE ARE SOME THINGS MANKIND WAS NOT MEANT TO DO!!!!

  59. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    I’ll give Puck $10,000 dollars if she names that kid (boy or girl), “Dick, Cheney, [insert last name here]”

    Kid would have a solid handle on the world and be a millionaire by the time he/she’s 11.

  60. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    You folks have got to see this post over at Ace o’ Spades: When Professors Attack.

    Keep in mind that these are debate coaches.

  61. McGehee says:

    I clicked SBP’s link. I think I saw Thor in action IRL.

  62. ccs says:

    Comment by Carin on 8/14 @ 4:58 pm #

    Chianti with Mountain Dew is technically closer to a wine cooler.

    Chianti with Mountain Dew is a crime against Mountain Dew.

  63. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    From SBP’s link & Ace’s mouth (keyboard):

    “Please note that not enough people are going to college. Not enough of our non-academically-inclined students are attending these marginal, barely-accredited bottom-rung colleges and receiving the sage wisdom of mutants like this.”

    ROFLMAO.

    I say, Bar Tender!

    Tequila shots & Bachelor of Arts for EVERYBODY!!!

    Don’t slack off dude…keep ’em coming. Obama can’t win on his own.

    Or can he…? (cue theme music from the “Omen”).

    “It’s all for you Barack”…

  64. Thomass says:

    I always thought of Chianti as conservative and rebellious… It’s like PBR. Cheap and good. Progs drink Merlot and they fall into exaggerated fake French (since they don’t really speak French) enunciation when they say it… Meeer-low…

    I like Merlot too but I’m just saying, they go crazy for it…. and won’t touch Chianti…

  65. Bleepless says:

    I got pretty much the same stuff a couple of weeks ago. Are you sure your wine didn’t steal it from my Cinco Equis?

  66. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    BTW, conspiracy theories aside…has anybody seen one of O! ‘s family members alive on this plane of existance? A grandmother, or an aunt. A brother, an uncle, or a retarded cousin?

    Are we sure the O! is not just a digital apparition?

    Any loud talking, rabble rousing monkey could fool the Germans.

    And Soros is a billionaire. He could totally hook that up.

    You know that scene in “The Illusionist” when Ed Norton dissapears on stage?

    Barack is just like that. Ain’t nothing there.

    Hillary is the Paul Giamatti ‘Police Inspector’ who figures it all out.

    Hillary gets the nomination, and Barack, despite all our racist, lynching American fury, escapes to defile one of our prized white women, Jessica Beil, in the Alps…somewhere around Austria.

    Barack obviously gets the better deal.

    The DNC is so gonna rock!

  67. Darleen says:

    Anybody know what the hell ever happened to Bartles and Jaymes?

  68. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Anybody know what the hell ever happened to Bartles and Jaymes?”

    I saw a Bartles & James label (like, peeled off and pasted) on a sea turtle’s shell once.

    Swear to God.

    I dunno if it was a ‘Greenback’ or a ‘Leatherback,’ or a ‘Loggerhead’

    But it’s true.

    Off Islamorada Key in 1993.

    (I didn’t mean to make that last part rhyme)

    We were poaching Key Lobster at the time.

    Anyway.

    It was a big turtle.

    Just swimming along.

    It looked happy.

  69. Tman says:

    64 oz plastic bottle of Mountain Dew:”……hey, fuck off Chianti-I’m all hip with the kids now you know -‘Do the Dew’- and all that. Stay away from us, you’d probably just steal all our weed.”

  70. Sean M. says:

    So I’m having dinner with my folks tonight, and what does pops bust out as the wine selection? Yep, you guessed it. Swear to God.

    The fucker didn’t say a word through the whole meal, even though I was giving it hard looks.

  71. steph says:

    Sangiovese is one of my fav cigar wines. Only winebox fools would ever dis the chianti classico RESERVA (nuance, nuance).

  72. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    …”and what does pops bust out as the wine selection? Yep, you guessed it”…

    But…you never actually say what he ‘busted out with’.

    What the fuck was it?

    “The Chianti from that liqour store robbery”…Pabst Blue Ribbon”…”Kendall-Jackson”…what!?

    I’m fucking dying over here!

    For the love of God, what did he serve with dinner!?

    (if he went to the basement and broke out a case of Olympia Beer, I am totally marrying your father)

  73. Pablo says:

    It’s a good thing it wasn’t the Ducale Oro. You might have to suck that one up.

  74. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Ducale Oro”

    God damn if I didn’t have to Google that shit.

    The “Ducale Oro” WIKI entry didn’t day what ‘Chef Boyardee’ dish it best complimented.

    I wonder if Alton Brown is awake.

  75. happyfeet says:

    Happy turtle. Just swimming along. I love that.

  76. Topsecretk9 says:

    Ruffini Chianti Classico: “You sad conservatives! You simply cannot bring yourselves to appreciate the sublime aesthetics of a Barack Obama — the soaring rhetoric, the elevation and glory of beauty and style over the drab, pedestrian monotony of functionality, so blandly redundant in its predictable partisan substance. You are monkeys. And as such, you don’t deserve one so postmodern as a Barack Obama.

    Is this what Patrick Ruffini has been saying lately?

  77. happyfeet says:

    Obama has been accused of making subtle references to race in to bid to manipulate sentiment, most recently by saying he would look different than other U.S. presidents.

    At the same time, references to his alleged “inexperience” as a one-term U.S. senator and perceived “arrogance” on a trip to Europe and the Middle East last month could also be seen as subtle racial digs, political commentators say.

    […]

    An advertisement run by McCain’s campaign this month, which portrayed Obama as a celebrity who was not ready to lead, sent a subtle racial message by flashing images of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, according to Ronald Walters, professor of politics at the University of Maryland.

    Walters said the ad played on deep cultural fears about inter-racial dating and marriage, which was illegal until the 1960s in some U.S. states.

  78. happyfeet says:

    oh. wrong thread. pretend like it’s on the other thread. ok that’s better.

  79. Tony says:

    Chris Kattan “I think my whore is dead”

  80. Sean M. says:

    But…you never actually say what he ‘busted out with’.

    What the fuck was it?

    Oh, I think you know.

  81. Pablo says:

    LYBD, any discriminating gastronomist will agree that it’s the Beefaroni.

  82. BuddyPC says:

    “…with a 64 oz plastic bottle of Mountain Dew…”

    They’re two-litre plastic bottles, you metricist rube.

    Embrace the European.

  83. The Lost Dog says:

    SBP,

    What a funny, funny link!

    If I’d known that debating was so much fun, I would have been in the debating club when I was in school.

    I liked the woman’s subtle technique of calling Shanahan a “fucking asshole”. I never knew debating was so kewl!

    That was hilarious!

    It also filled in a blank about why so many people love His
    O!iliness.

    Education at it’s finest…

  84. The Lost Dog says:

    …And I’ve never actually seen chianti. I’ve always thought that people just buy the empty bottles to put candles in.

    Another thing I learned not so long ago is that you don’t have to be eating in a Japanese restaurant to drink sake. Although it’s better with sushi or hibachi stuff, you can get a whole shitload of the stuff (1.5 liters) at the liquor store for $11, and it fits neatly beside your keyboard. When it’s full, though, you need a crane to lift it.

    Sake is the closest thing to mescaline that I’ve ever seen in a bottle.

  85. JD says:

    TLD – Warm sake is even better.

  86. happyfeet says:

    What does it mean when sake sometimes sort of has a banana flavor to it? Mostly you notice this with the cold stuff.

  87. JD says:

    I always thought that they were serving banana flavored sake.

  88. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    If I’d known that debating was so much fun, I would have been in the debating club when I was in school. I liked the woman’s subtle technique of calling Shanahan a “fucking asshole”. I never knew debating was so kewl!

    Well, I was on the debate team in high school, and I don’t remember the “fucking asshole” tactic ever coming into play, nor do I remember dropping trou and mooning the other side being a recommended procedure.

    I guess those are advanced techniques which are only deployed at the college level.

    I’m far from being a clothes horse (a fucking slob, actually), but the hippie professor showed up for a conference/contest barefoot? Dude, they’re called “Birkenstocks”.

  89. TheGeezer says:

    Wine schmoozles.

    You put a bottle of Jim Beam next to one o’ them basket-bound chiantis, and the Beam will make itself a hammock out of the basket and shove the dry-mouth buggerer off the shelf.

  90. TheGeezer says:

    There. The insult to Jeff is avenged. ANd Jeff – ALWAYS have a bottle of Beam around to silence the uppity brews.

    Egad, I used uppity. I denounce myself.

  91. The Lost Dog says:

    JD,

    Warm sakeis the best. A double boiler is essential to home sake use. And the banana taste? There are so many different sakes that it doesn’t surprise me. Someone gave me a really expensive bottle of sake for my birthday once, and you had to shake it before you drank it. It had a bunch of fruits in it. I don’t want to be too gross, but it looked like it came from something else that you “shake”.

    And I am still laughing hysterically every time I think of “fucking asshole” being answered by a mooning.

    And these are the debate coaches? Holy shit!

    I gotta say, that’s the best debate I’ve ever seen…

    It’s getting hard to type because every time I think about that clip, I get tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

  92. happyfeet says:

    oh. Someone said it meant the bottle had gotten too warm at some point.

  93. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    I gotta say, that’s the best debate I’ve ever seen…

    I strongly recommend that Obama and McCain hire Reid-Brinkley and Shanahan as consultants for their debates (also, the security team from the Jerry Springer show).

    Imagine what that would do for the ratings:

    Obama: “FUCKING ASSHOLE!”
    McCain: drops pants, moons Obama.

    Heh.

  94. Silver Whistle says:

    Sangiovese is one of my fav cigar wines. Only winebox fools would ever dis the chianti classico RESERVA (nuance, nuance).

    Good call. Hard to argue agaisnt a gran riserva rioja either with a fine puro.

     

  95. The Lost Dog says:

    HF,

    Could be. But there are so many specialty sakes, that I just assumed it might have been banana flavored.

    When my sake got too hot, it would wicked burn my mouth, so I wouldn’t have been able to tase any banana flavor for at least a couple of days. By which time, the sake was long gone.

  96. The Lost Dog says:

    “tase”?

    I meant taste. I guess I’ve watched too many “Worlds Most Amazing Videos” shows.

  97. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Sake is the closest thing to mescaline that I’ve ever seen in a bottle.”

    Absinthe, dude.

    Absinthe.

  98. happyfeet says:

    I like sake but with people. It’s a happy social drink I think. I used to like being the guy that fills up everybody’s little cups. But then I discovered plum wine. So no more little cups anymore… you mix the sake with the plum wine, and it’s a thing of joy really.

  99. Silver Whistle says:

    Absinthe makes the fart go “Honda”.

  100. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    “Absinthe makes the fart go “Honda”.”

    That made me snort & laugh out loud at the same time.

    Now all the people in this Starbucks are staring at me.

    Maybe I should moon ’em.

  101. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    …”you mix the sake with the plum wine”…

    Pure genius.

    I love hf.

    ‘The Last Samurai’ had totally ruined sake for me.

    Now I shall mix it with plum wine, and that awful Tom Cruise can go shit in his hat.

  102. Silver Whistle says:

    Sorry, Lamontyoubigdummy, didn’t mean to make you waste a good expresso.

    If you want to have a real laugh, read this – it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

  103. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Ah, it was just iced tea SW.

    Now I’m off to stand next to a giant oil rig.

  104. Slartibartfast says:

    Absinthe makes the fart go “Honda”.

    I thought that was abstinence. Now I’m embarrassed that I was doing it wrong, but hey: I was 14 years old. I had no choice.

  105. Slartibartfast says:

    …or maybe it’s abscess that does the trick. Frankly, I don’t care to try.

  106. Mark A. Flacy says:

    it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

    You haven’t been looking very hard for funny things.

  107. Silver Whistle says:

    You haven’t been looking very hard for funny things.

     Go on then, show us your schwanstucke.

  108. The Lost Dog says:

    “If you want to have a real laugh, read this – it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.”

    More like the funniest projection of an imbecile (not you, SW).

    Usually, when I am looking for knockout humor, I go to YouTube and search Al Gore. When it comes up on my monitor, I turn the sound off and sit in absolute wonder of Gores facial movements when he talks. Try it sometime, and tell me he doesn’t look mentally challenged. He’s not as bad now as he was when he ran against Bush, but it’s still amusing.

    He reminds me of a gig I did once at a local VFW for two busloads of “mentally challenged” kids (I would be more apt to say they had Downes syndrome”). As I and a friend were walking out the door for some “fresh air”, there were two of these kids standing there talking.

    One said to the other: “Are you retarded?”

    And the answer was, in a high and shrill voice, with the first sylable about an octave above the second: “Shlightly!”

    Terrible, but we couldn’t stop laughing for about a half an hour.

    Every time I watch Gore with no sound, that episode comes to mind.

    I don’t usually make jokes about the disabled, but we almost fell down laughing. Just one of those things.

    Like the time my son was two, and we were at our friends house. He had disappeared and I went to find him. I found him sitting in the drivers seat of my van, vigorously turning the wheel back and forth. I said to him: “What’s up Luke?” He stuck his head out the window, and with a big smile on his face, yelled at the top of his lungs: “FUCKIN’ MORON!”

    I know as a parent you shouldn’t laugh at stuff like that, but there was no stopping it. It still makes me laugh years later.

    I now denounce myself for insensitivity…

  109. The Lost Dog says:

    …And I am feeling foresaken.

    A couple of new posts and you all tromp away and leave me here by myself. No wonder conservatives are such a hated breed…

  110. happyfeet says:

    I thought that was funny too, Mr. Lost Dog. Both of them. But jeez this day is dragging on and on I think. New Girl is gone and Other Guy is on some island somewhere and it’s very quiet and it looks like oil found a support level right at $112 or so. I have no plans to go see Tropic Thunder tonight, and I think I will make some green tea now, but that’s just kind of arbitrary cause NG forgot to order coffee so we’re out.

  111. Mikey NTH says:

    Haps #76.

    You would just love the Anna Maria Islander, or as my dad calss it, “The Turtle Times”. Lots on the turtle watch.

    http://www.islander.org/8-13-08/turtles_mcclash.php

  112. Mikey NTH says:

    TLD #85:

    A lot of Bill Mauldin’s Willie and Joe cartoons revolved around chianti.

    Even so, it would be a mistake to think that a taste for something to drink in the field is indicative of deficient soldiering. Stephen Ambrose recalled being at the 1999 Medal of Honor Society Convention, where the subject of Mauldin’s cartoons came up. One recipient of that award offered that his favorite featured “Willie and Joe” expressing their horror at finding a winery wrecked by fleeing German troops — or, as Mauldin had put it, “Them atrocity commitin’ skunks . . . ” The boisterous laughter in the room demonstrated that plenty of other Medal of Honor recipients shared the sentiment.

  113. Scott Crawford says:

    I second Ric Locke at #22.

    What?

  114. jaed says:

    114 comments, and no one mentioned fava beans?

  115. Rusty says:

    As an expert in the forbidden art of spirit comingling- grape Nehi and everclear.

  116. Dana says:

    I’m sorry, but I must take exception to your vicious characterization of that Nectar of the Gods, Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew, as we all know, was the creation of Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom.

Comments are closed.