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“You know what I can’t stand, Mr. Jack? It’s all of these neo–cons trying to marginalize me, pretending suddenly that they speak for American conservatism. Well, let me tell you something, my goodly red-faced friend: regardless of what Bill Kristol may tell you, one doesn’t get to call oneself an American conservative by catering to the New York money men*, or by agitating for open trade agreements that outsource American jobs*, or by rewriting history so that the Jews needn’t take responsibility for the crisis in the Middle East* — or before that, even, in Hitler’s Europe.”* | |
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“Exactly! In fact, I think anyone who wishes to call himself an American conservative should be required by law to sign an oath of allegiance to General Wesley Clark. Because let’s face it: we’ll never reclaim America until we recognize that the only true conservative is a liberal progressive. So, you know, fuck Reagan right in his ass.
“Now say it with me, Pat: NO BLOOD FOR OIL!”* |
Classic.
Doesn’t Pat have some children to look after him? Grandpa needs some applesauce and a nap.
Pat overlooks the extinction of Neanderthal man. Also caused by da JOOOOOOOOOOOOZ.
You’d think he would have said something about it…
Sonny Chiba would never say such awful things.
Hooray, Jeff is posting his funny and clever stuff again!
If I asked for Anna Nichole Smith’s take on the presidential race, would it be in bad taste?
See how much better (shorter, punchier, funny) this is than my dry take? This is what I’m talkin’ about.
PIE!!!
With any luck, Zombie Reagan will haunt Pat in his bedroom.
“THEEEERE YOUUUUUU GOOOOOOO AAGAAAAAAAAIN!”
Billie Jack will shrug it off as bad shrooms.
If it’s all the fault of the Jews, does this mean Dubya’s off the hook?
Cuz I gotta tell you this foreign policy stuff is some hard s**t, man. I know I just gotta keep repeating, it’s the Jews, it’s the Jews, but then some knucklehead’ll blame Bush for something and I’m all say what? I mean, Bush ain’t Jewish, is he? Heheh, not with that accent… but still, this shit’s hard.
Can’t I just say “present” and walk away?
Hahahahahaaa! Awesome.
BTW, I hope people truly appreciate the craft at work here:
“Mr. Jack”
It’s the detail that sells it.
Karl re: craft –
Oh, yes, that was pitch perfect Pat.
Sonny Chiba can TALK?
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Fuck Schwarzenegger right in his ass too I think. What a pansy.
“Hooray, Jeff is posting his funny and clever stuff again!”
Right on.. Glad to see Billy Jack back.. Glad to see Teh funny..
But on a more serious note, if Pat doesnt speak for the Conservatives, who does? What does conservatism even stand for anymore? We have a porous, dangerous border and no one moves to control it.. We have millions of illegal aliens depressing the job market.. No one moves to sanction employers that knowingly use illegal labor.. (except in the most extreme cases: see McDonalds news).. We have a Republican administration that’s spends more than “tax n’ spend ” proggies do in their best wet dreams.. No one slows it down. we just go deeper in dept to our great friend China.. The list goes on and on… Is there some group out there that actually supports a return to the America I knew growing up or should I just shut, get a bottle of gin and learn to love Big brother?
If I asked for Anna Nichole Smith’s take on the presidential race, would it be in bad taste?
AIN’TIBEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUTEEEEEFULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL?
Jeff, now be honest. We’re all friends here. You can confide in us and we’ll be supportive.
Have you sold out to the New York money mavens and schmata merchants?
Have you? HAVE YOU? WHAT SAY YOU, MOSES BOY!!??!!?
Ooops … did I say that out loud? My bad!
“Sonny Chiba can TALK?”
Yes, but the dubbing is usually poor. He mostly just rips out an opponents rib when he needs to get a point across.
Very effective in a debate, that Sonny Chiba.
WHAT SAY YOU, MOSES BOY!!??!!?
I love it. Fucking hysterical.
Ouroboros —
Republicans and conservatives are not interchangeable. The border problem is a matter of enforcing the current laws — or, if you happen to go the other way, changing immigration laws so that illegals are no longer illegal. Buchanan may be right on wishing to keep illegals out; but I think he goes even further and argues that the US needs to be more anglified and aryan.
Legal conservatives, unlike many GOP cheerleaders, opposed Harriet Miers, found Justice O’Connor far too political in her rulings, and are increasingly bewildered by Kennedy. And as for spending, you have Reynolds (a right libertarian), et al., running pork busters — and you’ll hear constant criticisms of farm subsidies, ethanol scams, global warming pseudo-science, etc., coming from the conservative side of the political aisle.
I’ve been called a conservative, but that’s only because the labels have been changed. I am not an America firster, nor am I an isolationist. Maybe “conservatism” as Buchanan remembers it used to stand for such things (although Nixon was something of a statist); but as long as the labels have shifted, conservatism today is yesterday’s classical liberalism. Which has the good luck of matching the worldview of the founders, expressed in the plain text of the Constitution.
Anna Nichole Smith’s take on the presidential race, would it be in bad taste”
If the year old lamb chops in my freezer are used as baseline, my answer would be yes.
Pat’s the kind of kid whose mom would buy him a drum set for his birthday, but his dad would give him a pocket knife and ask him if he knew what was inside those drums…
Comment by Lamontyoubigdummy on 7/17 @ 12:54 pm #
I got a Sonny Chiba double DVD as a gimme when I bought “Kill Bill. Pt. 2”
Awesome stuff.
Republicans and conservatives are not interchangeable.
Therefore, conservative Republicans vs. Republican conservatives.
The original post is brilliant and hilarious. Vintage Goldstein. And comment #19 succintly nails the widening difference between conservatives and republicans. I’ll raise a glass of 16 year old Lagavulin for this gem, Jeff.
Thank you, Jeff.
So who represents the classic Liberal or Kennedy era Democrat today which is closest to where I fit I think? The Dems have been taken over by the Classic Far Left … The ones that used to be derided as Commies or useful idiots.. The Republicans have become New World Order Multinational Corporatists.. Who’s got my back? I’m no heavy lifter.. not in a class with many of you.. just a nervous working guy watching the country he thought he knew morph into something unrecognizeable and the American dream moving out of reach…
I wish to download a complaint about healerer.
Soooo.
Ourobouros, If there is such a beast in politics today I don’t know where one might be sighted.
Perhaps they are nocturnal.
They may be coming from the current ranks of the military in a few years time, Ouroboros, as good men and women stepping up to do the nation a service once again. There is precedent.
David Bellavia is running for a congressional seat near Buffalo, for example.
Ourobouros, I don’t think that there is a FULL major party for you (or me, for that matter, but I don’t come from that heritage–think “Don’t tread on me Texan”). The Republicans are more than just Multinational Corporationists and they aren’t all bad, just as the Democrats are more that “useful idiot” marxists (but not much more, though). I sometimes wish that there was a centrist party with a libertarian bent, but I don’t see one of those, either.
And healerer needs some real snarky edits. Perhaps a brain as well. Can’t tell, I can’t get to the site.
Buchanan is a conservative? That definition of conservative must be “wears a necktie.”
Hillary doesn’t wear a necktie, and I’m fairly certain she was pushed into the VRWC during the primary. Which serves her right, of course.
No, not really. I mean, I bet she wears a necktie sometimes.
I think Sean Hannity and Pat Buchanan would make a cute couple. They could move in together in the Castro district and attempt to shock gay pride parade attendees by making out with each other.
Seriously, someone should get that ball rolling.
How cynical do you have to say “Fuck it. We’re screwed!”?
“Fuck Schwarzenegger right in his ass too I think. What a girly-man.”
fixed
I can see Pat in a Hitler mustache.
Now if Sen Chuck Schumer and his chain gang could stop sabotaging America’s attempts to defend her Democratic allies, such as Israel, then perhaps classical liberalism might just survive…however that scenario is rather unlikely since Pat Buchanan has oddly enough allied his paleoconservatism with Sen Chuck Schumer’s progressive Marxism in waging their war ‘against the warmonger BushCo and those Zionists controlling the White House’.
By any chance is Pat Buchanan a lawyer by degree?
Every time I see Pat Buchanon, I picture the Julia Sweeney SNL character “Pat”. I find it therapeutic.
To late to affect change within the system. To early to attempt a coup.
“sometimes wish that there was a centrist party with a libertarian bent, but I don’t see one of those, either.”
I have no idea how in the hell Centrism can in any way bend towards Libertarianism but ok.
In any case, there as been a Centrist Party ever Bill Clinton, then the Centrist Party elected George Bush now the Centrist Party is deciding between John McCain or Barack Obama.
Which leads us back to Conservative Reagan who didn’t win by embracing the Centrist Party or Liberals or Libertarians, he won by getting Centrist, Liberals and Libertarians to embrace Conservatism.
Perhaps one reason why America is so confused these days is that the Center is all muddled with everything, flinging their arms in all directions trying to find something to grasp onto in hopes of finding a reasonable place to be.
I admit I’m not a fan of Centrism since all that The Centrist Party has accomplished over the last two decades is an utterly confused public who have no princlples from which to guide their lives.
Perhaps this is how Centrism can bend towards Libertarianism, both are basically confused anarchy.
TLD-
How cynical do you have to say “Fuck it. We’re screwed!�
Ron Paul was right!
(How “cynical” was that?!)
Bad taste?
Nah.
But I think you might have to wait a few lifetimes for an answer. I think the Anna Nicole gene skips a generation every now and then (Thank God!).
Considering our choices for POTUS? That’s not being cynical, that’s being realistic.
he’s still alive?
Ouroboros
I feel so sorry for you. Your America, as you knew it, is gone. You won’t ever get it back. And it never was.
Easy Living.
That’s exactly what the Leftist Democrats now promise the young people today, to pay for their votes.
*
Oldest ploy in the politician’s bag…promise easy living, and you’ve another duncecap voter pulling your lever.
“…You won’t ever get it back. And it never was.”
You mean… It was all just a dream ?
Noooooooooooooooooo !!!!!
“…I feel so sorry for you. Your America, as you knew it, is gone. You won’t ever get it back. And it never was.”
Dude, you gotta post some more of this. I have no alcohol and this is like 2 beers of words.
Since Bob Barr accepted the Libetarian nomination, the election stacks up like this;
The Libertarians are running a Republican, the GOP is running a Democrat and the Democrats are running a Socialist!…..
“The Libertarians are running a Republican, the GOP is running a Democrat and the Democrats are running a Socialist!…..”
Centrism.
Fuck Schwarzenegger… http://www.whovotedforthisidiot.com