knock knock…
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK–!
“– Oh, you’re home, sorry. Dude, I think your doorbell might be busted or something.”
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Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
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That’s not a doorbell. That’s the on switch to my nipple electrodes.
I wasn’t answering on purpose…
Hey. Open the garage door when men are honking.
Anyhoos… nevermore. kthxbai.
Sir do you have a minute to talk to me about the environment?
Is that you, Santy, in that blizzard? You haz my Christmas tree?
Only happens at nap time.
knock, knock…
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!
Huhhhh…Hmmmph..
KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,
KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,
KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK,KNOCK !!!!!
I guess no one really IS home..
I’ll just leave this copy of WatchTower on the porch..
Laughs hard at every comment so far. Excellent.
NY Public Interest Research group. Trying to drum up support for a bigger, better, more expensive can and bottle recycling program. She was a real cutie, but I resisted.
Probably because my son moved out and now we have to take the bottles and cans back ourselves. What a pain, the machine is always broken, and somehow, despite being against the law, they don’t recognize the cans from the stuff I just bought there last week.
I am dead, and this is hell, right?
It’s always the Jesuits!
Me: Sure, I’d LOOOOOOOOOOVE to talk about the environment! Got any coke?
Activist: Great..wait, I’m sorry what?
Me: You know COKE (points to nose and inhales deeply) (wink).
Activist: …
Me: Hey, I like to party.
Activist: um, sir I’m not sure that …
Me: Yer kinda cute, after we do your coke wanna fool around?
If that doesn’t work, tell them you will trade a discussion about the environment for a discussion about how Jesus would have hated the spotted owl/whales/etc., where you get to go first.
Or, tell them you need help digging a “hole” in your basement and if they are willing to talk and dig at the same time, you’re game.
I actually got two Jehova’s Witnesses to come in and watch South Park DVDs (alas, I didn’t have the season where they take Mormons to the woodshed).
I made them fritattas. One converted to scientology in my den, but I don’t know how that happened.
Those must have been some good fritattas.
“High there! Murray here for Murray’s Menorah’s and I want to light your Hanuk…” Slam!
They were good, but I think I used too many thetans.
Those things are like truffles.
Shit is it?
So that’s why those SWAT guys just came barreling through my window.
“Hi, Murray again and I just wanted … saaaaay, you’re kind of scary looking for a suburban Jew…” Slam!
I had a kid trying to sell used CD’s door to door last week, while his parents sat our in the car in my driveway, in a brand new freakin’ Lexus. I was pissed, and told the child to have his parents come up to talk to me. They left.
That’s just weird. I bet you crack was involved somehow. That sounds very crackwhore.
“Hi! Call me Lex and I’m here to extoll the wonders of Minoxidil … Wow, you really want your head to look like that!?!?” Slam!
happyfeet – You have interesting thoughts. Could I susbscribe to your newsletter?
Door to door salepeople are one of my biggest pet peeves, especially when they are using kids. I do not mind the Girl Scout cookie barage, except when people are going door to door that do not live anywhere near our neighborhood.
KNOCK KNOCK…
JWs: Sir, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your..
Me (looks up and down block): Yeah, yeah. Get in here, get in here.
JWs: Thank you sir. We wanted to talk about..
Me: Sure sure…Hey! Is that that Mormon bible?
JWs: Yes sir we’re with the…
Me: Yeah, but it’s different than the other one right?
JWs: Well there are distinctions that we could expl…
Me: Does it say anything about how to cut up a body?
JWs: ….What!?
Me: No, no. My cousins friend was asking, and, well you know, you google it…well they trace that now.
JWs: ….
Me: Forget it, forget it. Hey, can you guys help me move a carpet into the cellar? I spilled, uh, ketchup all over it. It’s already rolled up, but it’s heavy. Those Persians make heavy rugs.
JWs: ….
Me: Guys? Where you goin? Hey! Come on… I was gonna make us fritattas after.
And thus the mystery of what happened to the one that didn’t convert is solved.
“Yo, Scarhead here! I’m selling the definitive MMA body oils as endorced by the WEC for making the proper presentation when taunting your opponent. I’m particularly fond of the Krav Maga Elbow Strike Aquamarine … “Slam!
“And thus the mystery of what happened to the one that didn’t convert is solved.”
You cain’t prove nothin’.
“Is your mom or dad home?” Slam!
How come I never get hot asian girls selling Korean full body scrubs door to door at my place..? Just a thought..
“How come I never get hot asian girls selling Korean full body scrubs door to door at my place..? Just a thought..”
Heh. I have that porn movie too…
Pingback by Knock knock on 7/8 @ 1:15 pm #
[…] Goldstein is the master. And don’t miss the comments[…]
Hey! We’re famous. Ok…infamous? Notorious? How ’bout dubious?
Fine. Ridiculous.
“– Oh, you’re home, sorry. Dude, I think your doorbell might be busted or something.â€Â
…
“Um, say – is that a shotgun?…”
I get the knock/knock thing. Believe me, I get it.
I had a new alarm system installed today. There’s a special “police button” you can hold down for three seconds and indoor and outdoor speakers shriek: YOU HAVE VIOLATED A PROTECTED PERIMETER. THE POLICE HAVE BEEN CALLED. LEAVE THE AREA IMMEDIATELY.
I have a friend who routinely, and without calling ahead, opens the back door, calls out “KNOCK KNOCK”, and enters the house. My kids really hate this. They find this a very creepy violation of their privacy. They are thrilled with the new screaming police siren feature, hoping my friend will pass out with fright the next time she intrudes unannounced.
Me? I’m just hoping she’ll wet her pants.
“YOU HAVE VIOLATED A PROTECTED PERIMETER. THE POLICE HAVE BEEN CALLED. LEAVE THE AREA IMMEDIATELY.”
OMG…If it says that in Peter Weller’s “RoboCop” voice, I’m buying it tomorrow (then I’m buying stock in the company).
Wednesday Addams: “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?”
Me: “Are they made with real Girl Scouts?”
Wednesday Addams: “Sir, my name is Mindy and I do not look like Christina Ricci! I don’t, I don’t, I DON’T!
What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Unitarian?
Someone who walks around knocking on doors but can’t explain why.
How ’bout Christina Ricci now dressed like a Girl Scout? Oh, I’ll be having a cookie, thank you.
Oh, that button. That button’s not actually connected to anything.
Oh. Wow.
“How ’bout Christina Ricci now dressed like a Girl Scout? Oh, I’ll be having a cookie, thank you.”
Ok, you threw in the “now” so I’m not calling the police.
Another great business opportunity.. I see an ordinary doorbell button wired to a life sized prosthetic mechanical human arm mounted on the door that knocks for you when pressed.. Kind of like THING on the Addams Family… Like the ultimate in redundancy and laziness… I’ll sell a billion…
Ok Karl I read it again and just…no. Dressed like a Girl Scout? God’s balls, man. No. Say a japanese school girl outfit, or a cheerleader’s uniform.
A Girl Scout?
Jesus.
I’ve dialed 9 and 1 on my phone…I’m watchin you buddy.
Maybe Christina Ricci selling the new “O!” condoms?
Well, not door-to-door. On second thought, she’s just good for the endorsement value… )
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