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I Hate It When This Happens [Dan Collins]

I am a human being! Not a mechanized bull!*

This one time, it was one of those quarter-operated vibrating beds. I felt so used.

21 Replies to “I Hate It When This Happens [Dan Collins]”

  1. Ouroboros says:

    STOP! DONT! Stop! Dont Stop.. Dont Stop! Dont Stop! Dont Stop!!!!!!

  2. SarahW says:

    Poor Dr. Helen has been taken in.

  3. Dan Collins says:

    That’s what one gets for being kind on the intartubes.

  4. mojo says:

    “Baby, I am NOT from Havana!”
    — Blazing Saddles

  5. Ouroboros says:

    … then after raping me seven.. maybe eight times over the course of the night she finally fell asleep in my arms… It took me most of what was left of the night but I was eventually able to chew my arms off and slip out of the bed without disturbing her .. and escape before she awoke and expected me to be seen with her at Dennys.

  6. McGehee says:

    In a world where a funny look is called “violence,” there are no boundaries.

  7. I believe him and I think most of the commenters on that thread are unbelievable assholes. Fully half of them seem to either not have a penis or have some kind of severe ED. My favorite is the guy telling everyone that this guy deserved what he got because he got drunk. I hope that piece of shit doesn’t have a daughter. Hell, I hope he doesn’t have a son.

    You think a man can’t be forced into having sex by a woman he’s not interested in? Bullshit. It can and has been done, and it can fuck you up. First off, in case you haven’t noticed, no one believes you, second, everyone thinks you’re a pussy if it bothers you. And what are you anyway, some kind of pheromone leaking super-stud that no woman can resist? Because no woman ever has sex just because she wants to have sex, right?

    Oh yeah, and the 66 year old guy telling everyone that when he was 19, if he woke up to find some chick he wasn’t interested in riding his cawk, he could just will himself flaccid. Suuuuure he could.

  8. Roland THTG says:

    Not buying it.
    A strap-on, broom handle, or baseball bat? Yeah that would be rape.

  9. SarahW says:

    Because no woman ever has sex just because she wants to have sex, right?

    ::cough::

    I hate to be harsh upon any of my sex. But… Probably not.

    Seriously, even the anecdote chick was ostensibly in it for the thrill of domination.

  10. Ouroboros says:

    Could a chick make use of a stranger’s drunken erection while he slept.. Sure I’ll buy that..

    Years ago I came home late one night and noticed my hot 20 something beach babe neighbor, who’s bedroom window faced mine about 10 ft away.. standing naked in front of her open window making out with some obviously drunker than shit naked guy… (cut me some slack.. Like you could have looked away..).. Well long story short.. They moved to her bed.. he last all of maybe 10 seconds.. got his and rolled over to sleep.. The hot babe didn’t seem all that happy with the direction the evening was taking and spent the next 20 minutes trying everything she could think of to make him serviceable again with no luck.. Finally she just gave up and got a vibrator out of her nightstand and finishing the job before finally switching off the light and getting some sleep.

    So could some chick.. yeah, they could..

    But waking to find some chick.. any chick.. rubber one off on your stiffy and it being a traumatizing emotional scar you carry for life? I aint buying it….

  11. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    But waking to find some chick.. any chick.. rubber one off on your stiffy and it being a traumatizing emotional scar you carry for life? I aint buying it….

    What if it was Helen Thomas?

  12. JD says:

    Spies – That was soooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong.

  13. McGehee says:

    JD’s right. Trolls don’t have gender. They reproduce by rotting people’s brains; new trolls arise from the resulting ooze as it leaks out of the victim’s ears.

  14. Rusty says:

    I’m havin’ flashbacks here!

  15. Ouroboros says:

    “What if it was Helen Thomas?”

    After enough beer.. No.. make that tequila in this case… Helen would look like Scarlett Johannson.. Not so much after the drink wears off in the morning, though..

  16. I think the responses to this article really interesting. Seriously.

  17. Ouroboros says:

    I think that most guys spend so much time and energy chasing tail over the course of their lives that the idea that someone might be traumatized by getting some, even if the woman is far from his ideal, is hard to imagine..
    Kinda like the idea that the 14 years boy was ‘traumatized’ by Debra LaFave riding him like a big boy…
    I think it’s safe to say most guys looking at her pics thought the boy deserved a “Luckiest Boy in America” medal..
    Niiiiice…

  18. Dishman says:

    I .. don’t always understand what’s going on in the world around me…
    sometimes I’m kinda clueless… and other’s.. not quite so together.

    I’m not really sure which of the people here are saying that it can’t happen…

    It can happen. It does happen.

    I hate you.

  19. Diana says:

    Not so much after the drink wears off in the morning, though..

    Sure, and that’s not traumatic enough for you? Consider the cost of therapy for the rest of your natural born days.

  20. rdohd says:

    The only thing that makes the story plausible is that the woman was 6 months pregnant. (Some/Most/A few)are extraordinarily sex driven, and exhibit kinds of appetites that are not wholly expected. As for the traumatized bit, there are a few delicate flowers out there… Think of it as a statistical outlier, a case where six sigma meet the drinking man.

  21. Ouroboros says:

    “…where six sigma meet the drinking man”

    Ha! Exactly.. The universal male duality.

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