“Once upon a time, there lived a man who one evening ate so much Indian food in a single siting that, when it came time for his morning void — which for him occurred quite regularly following his second cup of strong black coffee — he shat out a Kalash and a pair of very confused and very wet Bengal tigers.
“– Which wouldn’t have been all bad, had he at least remembered to bring a newspaper or even a consumer electronics catalog into the dumper with him.”
finis
Where were you when Mike Myers needed you?
A large-caliber weapon might have come in handy, too, had he not remembered to flush immediately.
Kitties! I wanna poop kitties and maybe an Othery dude to. Or maybe that should be an Othery girl. Curried gametes with a spicy gene sauce should do it.
Must’ve been because of the nitric oxide production of peritoneal macrophages stimulated by undigested lipopolysaccharides.
And, the nanobots.
Man those people do amazing things with chick peas. My favorite is when they put it in the aloo chat (cold) instead of just potatoes. Very good with the garlic naan but for real I think it’s a mistake to order too much naan cause then you get full too fast. But then you have more to take home I guess. India is so the future I think. I’m so glad we get to have them on the same planet.
William Wallace pales in comparison. FREEDOM!!!
Fine Indian Restaurant in Marietta, Ga on South Loop Pkwy a couple of hundred yards off I-75 that has a daily lunch buffet with baked goat, incredible relishes, mmmm…. I know where the boss is taking me to lunch next week!
Note to self: restock Master Throne Room with reading material and soothing rectal cream Tuesday evening.
I can haz GHeeburger?
Oh. Mostly I try to stay away from the buffet ones. The food is better off the menu usually and I think on some level I think it’s neat when Indians bring me things cause I think in the future that won’t necessarily happen just a whole whole lot.
I hope the dude had one of them old style commodes with the big tank, else he is going to be doing a lot of flushing to get all that down.
hf,
I denounce that last bit.
OT, but happyfeet, I thought of you yesterday when I saw in our pond a turtle of the snapping variety. Easily sixteen inches from side to side, big pointy bumps atop its shell–even a little bit of moss actually growing on it!
We have no fish in the pond, but every year millions of huge bullfrog tadpoles. I always wondered why the frogs didn’t rise up from the sludge, arm themselves with little cattail spears, and take over the neighborhood.
I wonder no more.
Bengal tigers, that’s new. And to think I’ve been wrestling brown bears every morning this whole time.
– The retired writers team from Dragnet/Badge 714 will be a’knockin’ at your door soon Jeff.
Oh. I’m really jealous. For the moss thing what you could do is make sure he has a place to get out of the water where he feels safe and get some direct sun. But 16 inches means he’s been around way long enough to sort of have his system down I’d guess.
And also it’s just I think Indians are gonna a lot switch sides in the client server equation more and more. For real I look forward to helping them do it. Neat people and quite the culture they have there.
I can see Indian food leading to the Bengal tigers, but how can you be really sure they weren’t Sumatran tigers?
Kinda like this, Cowboy?
Oh. Just for the record, I got the Mike Meyers thing. How just gratuitously humiliating to have your ass kicked by M. Knight in real time. India is so the future but M. is the exception that proves the rule. Or something.
Damn, Slart!
That’s the stuff nightmares are made of!
Actually, my first pet was a much smaller snapping turtle. I kept him in a plastic kiddie pool and fed him little hunks of venison.
I named him “Peter Cotton Tail.” Yes, the frame of my cultural literacy was (and perhaps remains) slightly askew.
thanks, hf. It is Happening.
I really sympathize with the guy in the story. Except for me it was a bottle of tequila and a couple of very angry burros.
Ya.. Ya.. and the black man hides in the toilet tank while the tigers chase round and round until they turn to ghee.. blah blah blah.. Got it.. Heard it before.. Man, you whities don’t give up do you? Gotta keep grindin away on the Brothers.. Thought you’d get a clue when we got your Racist Sambo pancake story banned.. Or surely when we put that racist breakfast restaurant chain out of business (No, idiot.. not Denny’s.. the other one..The one with the Golliwog mascot).. You can pretend all you want that this is about Indians or something, but the eye goes right to the words ‘strong’ and ‘black’ in the middle of the page.. This is obviously a thinly veiled allusion to Michelle Obama and suggests she’s somehow connected to feces, defecation or illiteracy… You’ll be hearing from our lawyers.
(…O!uroboros)
The food is better off the menu usually and I think on some level I think it’s neat when Indians bring me things
Yeah. See, there’s this Indian restaurant near my office and we’d go there sometimes and the owners always told us to just do the buffet, and if we told them we wanted to order from the menu, they’d give us the stink-eye and not come to the table at all.
So buffet it was.
Comment by The O! Internet Rumor Group on 6/21 @ 1:02 pm #
Ya.. Ya.. and the black man hides in the toilet tank while the tigers chase round and round until they turn to ghee.. blah blah blah.. Got it.. Heard it before.. Man, you whities don’t give up do you? Gotta keep grindin away on the Brothers.. Thought you’d get a clue when we got your Racist Sambo pancake story banned.. Or surely when we put that racist breakfast restaurant chain out of business (No, idiot.. not Denny’s.. the other one..The one with the Golliwog mascot).. You can pretend all you want that this is about Indians or something, but the eye goes right to the words ’strong’ and ‘black’ in the middle of the page.. This is obviously a thinly veiled allusion to Michelle Obama and suggests she’s somehow connected to feces, defecation or illiteracy… You’ll be hearing from our lawyers.
Swing and a miss. Wrong thread. thor, are you drunk already! The FEMA ice is going to be late, so drink up.
I can haz http://www.labambaburritos.com ! Yippee !
Comment by JD on 6/21 @ 1:23 pm #
I can haz http://www.labambaburritos.com ! Yippee !
Racist! I denounce red sauce, cuz green sauce is the bomb!
They serve green sauce on the side, for you green folks, Sdferr.
Me? I didn’t write that racist-sexist screed attacking Michelle Obama, who, no matter her skin color is as warm and tender and pink on the inside as any woman you’ll ever meet.
Not I! Beneath me, and way, way so.
Serving green sauce on the side is like telling me I have to sit on the back of the bus! Racist!!! I refuse not to be offended!
Gee, I apologize thor! Someone’s copying your M.O., especially the reference to bodily fluids and sexual inuendo. I’m glad to see you made up for it in your last post.
Speaking of red sauce, I am like, bleeding out my eyes. And not at Nishi-science, but for real.
basically in my head there are microscopic sandpapers of various grits in all the head-crevasses in the human anatomy, being operated by little men in “Deiter” suits. Scant days ago I could run miles. I can sit up properly. I’m whining more than that guy who thinks sexism killed Tim Russert.
can’t sit up properly, that is.
See, now I have to go lie dwon again.
You sober yet, thor? I’ve heard it can be a struggle sometimes.
I hope the little men in sandpaper at least switch to wet-sanding, SarahW.
Next time, how about a nice salad, instead?
You sober yet, thor? I’ve heard it can be a struggle sometimes.
FEMA ice is late and no compressed gases are available. Time to drink’em before it gets warm.
JD:
We’ve got the LaBamba thing goin’ on up here northeast of you.
“Burritos as big as your head” is their motto. The proud owner of many a hat 7 3/4″ in size, I called bullshit on them. They were not impressed as I recall.
Ours is located near campus, and I would wager that 80% of their business arrives wobblingly around 2:00 AM, Wednesday through Saturday.
#16
It makes no difference at all while they’re clawing their way out yer ass!
“Comment by happyfeet on 6/21 @ 11:17 am #
Man those people do amazing things with chick peas. My favorite is when they put it in the aloo chat (cold) instead of just potatoes. Very good with the garlic naan but for real I think it’s a mistake to order too much naan cause then you get full too fast. But then you have more to take home I guess. India is so the future I think. I’m so glad we get to have them on the same planet.”
If India is the future, does that mean we will all be hurrying out of our homes every morning, and dropping a steamer on the “big pile” that sits at the edge of the road? And then waiting for the monsoons to wash it away?
Cool! Newark to the tenth power!
Oh. and BTW. I always stay with the safe stuff when I go to the Indian restaurant. Like Gran Marnier.
But I have to say, the Indian restaurant down the road from me has an absolutely fantastic brunch on Sundays. Fantastic, that is, if you don’t mind setting your asshole on fire the next morning.
what makes for green folks?
““– Which wouldn’t have been all bad, had he at least remembered to bring a newspaper or even a consumer electronics catalog into the dumper with him.â€Â
So you counted the tiles?
Cowboy – That is how they came to be. They started at University of Illinois, and have slowly expanded their empire. They will rule the world someday.
what makes for green folks?
Too much broccoli curry.
Oh. Yeah. India still has that poverty thing. They’ve got people on that.
whatever
and fuck the guy who answered my latest Norton call….
though I do not mind eggplant salad
– sashal, you absolutely sure they’re not listening to your Norton service calls?
– I’d definately attach a bug-catcher to your line if I were you….and you should do it from orbit…
– Just to be sure.
Jeez. Sounds like someone hasn’t had their Bollywood moment in awhile.
Hey! And also you can get your Barack OBollywood on! Aja Aja Aja!!!
– Ishq Kameena – Shakti! Now thats what Ah’m talkin’ ’bout!
– Feets, if you could put all the energy used by that group making that video in your gas tank, you could probably run your car for a couple of months. Maybe even have a little fun in the back seat while your were at it.
actually, I would love them to listen.
May be they can put the Norton asshole in GITMO and waterboard the fucker
– Actually sashal I feel your pain. Way back in the early eighties, when several of us were working as independent software vendors, and supply Gates and Norton with support, the industry inside joke was that Norton would only get married if his wife to be would agree to put his face on the front of the wedding invitations. The guy has an ego that would float the Goodyear blimp, and he hires a lot of young angry turks just like himself. Real asshole to deal with, so why should his company be any different.
I’ve long since developed a strategy for doing business with Norton.
When I find a Norton product on a newly purchased computer, I very carefully click on “Control Panel” and select “Add/Remove Programs.”
After I do this about twelve times for each individual Norton product, my computer is 40% Norton-free.
McGehee – It is like they intentionally make it impossible to remove some programs. There are a couple on my computer now that have slowed it down to a crawl, and I cannot make them disappear. Fuckers.
Yeah. The process is a lot like one I described once in another thread for accelerating to the speed of light. You’re always approaching being 100% Norton-free, but you can never quite get there.
Oh hey! I have that word … asymptotic. You can have it though cause I never use it.
Just for fun, I tried to uninstall Norton after you posted that. My computer crashed twice while trying to do so, and I am sure that there are a few programs that are missing .dll files now. Fuckers. Plus, I do not think it is really gone.
Well, JD — you went about it all wrong. You did it “just for fun,” and you should have known Norton was never going to allow that.
If you’d done it in a solemn, even mournful state of mind (or, as I normally do, with murder in my eye) you might have gotten away with it.
You should’ve asked.
What the fuck is a .dll file, and what have I done to my computer?
Here ya go, JD.
The only good Norton product is the ‘Ghost’. The rest, suck.
I use AVG anti-virus (free) and the Zone Alarm firewall (free) and never have any worries.
Ghost is excellent but I wish they could make it play in some reliable way with RAID. It would make life a lot easier I think. You know, for the people.
I tried AVG, once, and it made my hard-drive just churn and churn and churn, constantly.
Thanks, Serr8d. I think you just saved my piece of shite computer from those uninstallable fuckers at Norton. For the record, McGehee was not kidding or exaggerating. From now on, when someone posts something like “if you do X it will fuck up your computer”, I am going to have to remember to NOT DO X !!!!!!!!!!! Or, we should have a rule that if you are going to post something like that, you have to put up a JD warning, so I can quit reading.
Do a bare metal install of Windows plus your needed app software and put it behind a encrypted partition with Acronis and then you’ve got a image system-restore.
Virus? Who cares. In ten minutes I can re-install my entire C drive and flush any pesky malware away.
Do not live in fear of Russian porn sites. The babes are too hot and life’s too short.
Sorry, JD. One thing I do when Windows asks me if I want to remove a shared .dll is, I say “No.”
It’s almost always better to have the .dll file and not need it, than to need it and not have it.
So, I went and googled .dll and still know nothing more about those fuckers except that if you have shared ones, you had damn well best not delete them.
McGehee – It is a bad habit of mine that every time someone mentions a problem they are having with their computer, I have to check and see if mine does the same thing. Many a catastrophy could have been avoided had I not thought “Hey, I wonder if mine does that”. Better Half says that this bug, not a feature, is not nearly as bad as when I ask, “I wonder what would happen if I … “, which usually ends up with me getting hurt.
DLL stands for “dynamic link library,” and I have no clue WTF that means either.
I was a big fan of libraries before tonight. I blame the Patriot Act.
Once you’ve installed Acronis you’ll add Ghost to Norton’s list of suck.
You should have some less risky ways to have fun, JD. Have you considered skydiving?
I suppose this probably isn’t a good time to suggest this site?
Bengal tigers. I actually shat them. Does that not beat all?
finis
I’m not usually one who insists on complete resolutions, but we’ve got you, two bengal tigers, and a sub-continenental mountain man, all in a small, enclosed space.
Then there’s the whole language barrier thing.
Needs a little more fleshing out. Figuratively speaking, that is.
Speaking of .dll’s, what the hell is a “unicow.dll”, and how do I reinstall it?
My old computer is AWOL, except for letting me look at a few pictures.
Somebody sent me the unicow.dll, but I have no idea what to do with it.
Can you send them to eat the people who make Norton software?
Please?
I’m really not the person to ask, But I don’t think throwing the unicow thing into your C:…
and running
REGSVR32 unicow.dll
can do anything bad.
I upgraded to multicow.dll