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Go east, middle-aged man!

Manifest Destiny meets Quantum Leap, as pw heads back to his childhood home of Baltimore, then to Maryland’s eastern shore, for a week of extra-large mosquitoes; overly officious, gardenia-scented relatives; sandy-crotched Mossimo bathing suits; imported blue crab; and — if everything goes as planned — some giant stuffed animal of as yet undetermined genus to be poached and dragged screaming back here to the mountains, earned by way of a Skittle Ball prowess the likes of which has rarely (if ever) been unleashed on the management of some poor, unsuspecting boardwalk shithole what didn’t have it coming.

Have quarters, will travel. And yeah, I’d love vinegar on my french fries.

35 Replies to “Go east, middle-aged man!”

  1. Zelda says:

    Nice acknowledgement of Mossimo.

  2. mojo says:

    Camden Yards?

  3. nishizonoshinji says:

    Good journey, O gormed one.

  4. Lost My Cookies says:

    Have a good trip. hon.

  5. dicentra says:

    It better be that AWOL bastage of a ‘dillo…

  6. geoffb says:

    Vinegar, bleah, mayo on mine please.

    Have a good trip and lots of good seafood.

  7. thor - typical PW traffic driver says:

    What will be of Karl upon your return I can not promise. I might just keep hammering nails in his head until he looks like a Chia Pet.

    May your journey be as bountiful with stuffed monkeys as it is safe.

  8. Karl says:

    thor,

    With JG on the lam, that’s mighty tough talk from someone who yesterday accused me of being drunk with admin privileges.

  9. thor - typical PW traffic driver says:

    Don’t tempt me to hide your Big Wheel in the bushes, Karl. I will.

  10. Darleen says:

    Happy happy vacation, boss! Fill yer lungs with good salt air and eat crab cakes ’till ya burst!

  11. happy traveling!

    but really, why does everyone have to be gone this week? you, RTO, my voice teacher… who will announce they’re leaving next?

  12. Sean M. says:

    This “Mary-land” of which you speak sounds like an exotic locale with strange customs. I hope the natives are friendly.

  13. BJTexs says:

    Have a good trip. I just returned from Newport. Rhode Island where I lead off the fishing season with the first striper. Then the winds freshenen and my brother and I got absolutely pounded all up Narraganset bay from Bristol to Newport.

    Don’t hesitate to take a charter and snag you a striper! Also I wouls suggest that you use the time to put emotional distance netween you and the Rocks.

  14. ccs says:

    You had me right up to the vinegar.

  15. Norman Beeke says:

    thought tony b. would recommend mayonnaise or bearnaise on them fries. but vinegar on Thrasher’s sounds like summer to me…

  16. serr8d says:

    Mossimo (I was forced to g00gle) seems to be fueled by the concept of ‘urbanism’, at least in the offshore market. From the link (last year’s Mossimo Bikini Summit ’07, held in the Philippines) the primary sales target is the Reggeaton crowd (young, hip, rebellious; the “urbanism” culture: fast mini-cars, hot bods, street survival..on the streets, I suppose.)

    Then, here in the USA, you can buy that stuff at Target.

    Have a great time in Baltimore, Jeff. Oh, and my bottle of Heinz ketchup lists distilled white vinegar as the second most prominent ingredient (right behind those troublesome vine-ripened tomatoes).

  17. Mikey NTH says:

    Vinegar? Sure you aren’t Canadian?

  18. eLarson says:

    You can drop the ‘dillo over here in Montgomery County. There’s some sorta animal that has taken up residence back behind the garage… that is, only if the ‘dillo is still interested in that kind of cross-species experimentation.

  19. Education Guy says:

    Canadians would use mayo. Which is just gross.

    Have a great trip Jeff.

  20. Diana says:

    Canadians use gravy and cheese. Shows how much you know.

  21. Education Guy says:

    I use gravy and cheese, does that make me Canadian?

  22. dantealiegri says:

    With all that talk of boardwalks, it sounds like he’s heading over to Ocean City.
    I can’t remember the date, but he might be out there for Senior Week!
    I, on the other hand went there a few weeks ago and saw classic hot rods.

  23. alppuccino says:

    he might be out there for Senior Week!

    Wow. Millions of senior citizens descending on Ocean City for a whole week? Speaking of gravy and cheese. I can almost smell the polyester and super absorbent materials. Sounds like fun.

  24. Smirky McChimp says:

    Welcome to our fair city, Jeff. Don’t get shot.

  25. N. O'Brain says:

    “#Comment by Education Guy on 5/28 @ 7:11 am #

    I use gravy and cheese, does that make me Canadian?”

    Only if you’ve been crosschecked in the back of the head too many times.

  26. NukemHill says:

    Jeff,

    If you want to get together for beers/crabs/etc., let me know. I’m in the Owings Mills area, and I’d love to have you over.

    Drop me a line if you wish.

    -greg

  27. Slartibartfast says:

    imported blue crab

    WTF? imported blue crab? You can’t hardly step a toe in the water on a Maryland beach without having a blue crab latch onto it.

    Of course it’s totally possible that things have changed there, and that the Maryland blue crab has died a horrible death, locally, and must be trucked in from elsewhere. The Carlinas, perhaps. You can get ’em in Florida, in the cold months.

  28. NukemHill says:

    From late-Spring to mid-Summer, any decent-sized crabs are imported from Louisiana. The crab population in the Bay is pretty poor, and don’t reach jumbo size until late-Summer. It’s been like that since before I moved out here in ’95.

  29. mac says:

    …uh, that’s vinegar with your chips.

  30. dantealiegri says:

    alppuccino:
    yeah I’ve accidentally been there during that before.
    All I’ll say is .. I check the time now.

  31. SarahW says:

    What, no east-coast meet-up?

    Oh come on, it’s just a metro ride to DC…

  32. TmjUtah says:

    Shucks. We’ll be in Pasadena/Ann Arundel the third week of June. If all goes well.

    I don’t know what the social schedule is going to be. At least one day of shooting, maybe a day trip into DC if I can score a boatload of mood levelers.

  33. datadave says:

    Poutine?

    vinegar on fries is a little Northeastish, but cheesecurds and gravy on fries, that’s Quebecish. avast ye fellow for grand fun in run-on’s of sentience.

  34. alppuccino says:

    Shucks. We’ll be in Pasadena/Ann Arundel the third week of June.

    Don’t forget the temporary “tramp-stamps” for the girls. They want to fit in, don’t they?

  35. TmjUtah says:

    Hmmm. I wonder if Berlitz makes tapes that can help them get used to saying “That’s sooooo gay” every five minutes?

    That was the cultural enlightenment from Christmas last year.

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