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a CITIZEN JOURNALIST reports from battleground USA, 18

Yesterday’s social experiment, meant to gauge just how big a role racial perceptions are likely to play in this year’s presidential race, was, I’ll be the first to admit, something of a failure — though, if it’s any consolation to armchair sociologists, I can now tell you that standing in the snow at the intersection of Alamada and Federal in blackface while holding a placard that reads “Honk if You Want to Hump You a Sun Person!” will garner a much greater response if you include on your sign both a price and an offer to throw into the bargain a sweet potato pone or a side of cole slaw.

— Which, I have no idea what that says about racial perceptions in Denver, other than that — judging by the sophistication of the dickering over both price and location — there are far more Jews around here than I’d been led to believe, about a quarter of whom are, surprisingly, Hispanic.

Developing…

68 Replies to “a CITIZEN JOURNALIST reports from battleground USA, 18”

  1. Drumwaster says:

    I’d rather have the corn-on-the-cob, since we’re basically talking about KFC side dishes…

    Because of the PI! (3.14159265358979323846264338327950288, dontchaknow?)

  2. N. O'Brain says:

    If you get into a fight, can you break it up with rhubarb pie?

  3. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    What, you’ve never heard of Sephardim?

  4. JohnAnnArbor says:

    about a quarter of whom are, surprisingly, Hispanic.

    Cuban Jews.

  5. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Cuban Jews.

    Jewbans.

  6. BJTexs TW/BP says:

    Uh, Jeff? The Recreate68 people just called. They want to know if you can do lunch cuz joo got sum splainin’ to do!

    BTW: It’s dutch.

  7. Enoch_Root - TWP also says:

    I thought we already determined that the true Jews were black… you know the Jews that built the pyramids. What the fuck are Jews doing in Denver? And what are they doing disguising themselves as Hispanics?

  8. happyfeet says:

    There are far more breast implants around here than I ever knew really. Them and porn stars. And Cory Feldman. But this is far away from the battleground I guess. What I have noticed though is that you don’t see near as many KFPK stickers, which is marxist dirty hippy radio for people just too angry to play along with the NPR phony more in sadness than in anger tone, and also their parking lot is usually only half full these days, where it used to have a big problem with double parking. They got way dependent on Iraq. Which means they must be figuring out about now that Baracky is potentially gonna be the worst thing what ever happened to them.

  9. Mikey NTH says:

    Free food brings them in. I learned that in law school – whenever there was a speaker on campus they would offer lunch or they wouldn’t get any students to show up.

  10. happyfeet says:

    Also sweet potato pone sounds like the best thing ever this afternoon. It’s starting to get kinda hot to bake stuff though.

  11. happyfeet says:

    With pecans on top.

  12. bains says:

    …that standing in the snow at the intersection of Alamada and Federal in blackface

    Well there is your problem. You should have been at University and 1st.

  13. candace says:

    you guys are the cat’s meow! Anybody ever gonna have real dialogue on issues? And what’s up with Hillary’s fraud trial? Anybody heard about why the judge said she did’t have to testify until November? Baracky? LOL

  14. candace says:

    Enoch, white folks built the pyramids! Where you been at?

  15. Karl says:

    hf should definitely pitch KFPK on that “Angry Radio” slogan.

  16. Karl says:

    Toss in some Hoawrd Beale drop-ins with the station ID…

  17. happyfeet says:

    They’ve twisted off a lot, Karl. Dialog is no longer possible. I actually haven’t heard them in awhile really though. Not since I got Pink’s box set.

  18. McGehee says:

    There are far more breast implants around here than I ever knew really. Them and porn stars. And Cory Feldman.

    I’ve noticed that here in metro Atlanta too.

    Not the breast implants or porn stars. The Corey Feldman.

  19. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    The Corey Feldman.

    I think he’s Jewish, and maybe Hispanic.

  20. donald says:

    You ain’t looking McGeehee. We’re very fortunate in that way.

  21. McGehee says:

    Well, of course I’m down here in Coweta County. I believe all the breast implants are up in Gwinnett.

    And the porn stars? DeKalb, baby!

  22. McGehee says:

    But here in Coweta we’re up to our belly buttons in Corey Feldman. Can’t even give it away.

  23. happyfeet says:

    It’s the times, McGehee. But you’d think I’d at least have the courtesy to spell his name right, but no. Joyce Carol Oates wrote this story once called “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” but I can’t remember what it was about really. Something about going to the park with your family or something and feeling stuff. For some reason I think I want to find that story though. I just have this feeling that before we go off and put Baracky in the fucking White House we should maybe have a retrospective or something.

  24. Jeff G. says:

    Leif Garrett was once up to his belly button in Cory Feldman. But I’ll save that story for another day.

  25. Jeff G. says:

    hf —

    “Where are you going, where have you been?” is my favorite short story. The movie version took out all the evil dread, though, and turned it into a psychosexual thriller stripped of its surreal, occultish undercurrents.

    But Treat Williams and Laura Dern are still good actors.

  26. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Can’t even give it away.

    Sounds like a good candidate for biofuel feedstock. May even be sustainable.

  27. happyfeet says:

    Here it is. Boy was I remembering it wrong.

  28. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Jeff, did you hear that Cindy Sheehan recently filed formal papers to run against Nancy Pelosi?

    I wonder what ol’ Billy Jack thinks of that………..

  29. happyfeet says:

    Still I think there’s a lesson there for how a day can start off good and then go from bad to worse really fast.

  30. Jeff G. says:

    I used to teach that story all the time. Loosely based on a killing spree by a guy in the late 50s, early 60s, in Arizona, I think, and dedicated to Bob Dylan because one of his songs prompted her to write it (“All over now, baby blue,” I think).

    But the cool part is the way Arnold Friend is described (going from memory here, so forgive me) — eyes like chips of glass, hair almost wiglike, and stuffed into his boots like he had hooves. “Sympathy for the Devil,” if it wasn’t based on this, could have been.

  31. Jeff G. says:

    Hadn’t heard that, JAA. Got a link?

    Billy is sleeping off a snake bite suffered during some silly Native American ritual, but when he comes to, maybe he’ll have to have a talk with Ms Sheehan…

  32. donald says:

    McGehee, I’m here in Senoia, we’re…neighbors. God bless America.

  33. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Here’s a news story.

    And here’s her campaign website.

  34. sashal says:

    just signed up for a sweepstakes( Country Living magazine) to win a trip to Denver.
    Would be curious to see Hispanic Jews and personally make sure they have no horns.

  35. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Snakes and sweatlodges: the tragic untold story….

  36. MC says:

    This post? Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Ha! I have to go pee now.

    Cindy Sheehan taking on Pelosi? Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! It’s a twofer…

  37. Pablo says:

    Congresswoman Sheehan would be a blessing. Go Cindy!

  38. N. O'Brain says:

    I don’t like Joyce Carol Oates.

    She draws horse flies.

  39. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Snakes and sweatlodges: the tragic untold story….

    Rattlesnakes? Pshaw. Let’s see him share that sweatlodge with Cindy Sheehan.

  40. MC says:

    Still it’s funny as hell…

  41. TerryH says:

    “Jeff, did you hear that Cindy Sheehan recently filed formal papers to run against Nancy Pelosi?”

    Given her absolute moral authority I wonder why she didn’t run for POTUS?

    Ward Churchill for VP? In addition to being faux Indian he could claim all the other identities as well.

    Talk about covering the bases.

  42. Pablo says:

    Given her absolute moral authority I wonder why she didn’t run for POTUS?

    Cynthia McKinney has that covered.

  43. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Cynthia McKinney has that covered.

    You’re kidding, right?

    Although it would be amusing to watch her show up at the Dem convention in full Medusa-on-the-rag mode.

  44. McGehee says:

    Leif Garrett was once up to his belly button in Cory Feldman.

    The difference is, he went head-first.

  45. McGehee says:

    Donald, you’ve got breast implants and porn stars in Senoia???

    I knew that new Redneck Gourmet place down there was going to bring in the wrong crowd!

  46. Pablo says:

    Cynthia M is a Green now.

  47. McGehee says:

    Seriously though, in a way Senoia is Atlanta’s Hollywood. I just didn’t realize it was also Atlanta’s West Hollywood.

  48. donald says:

    It’s all happening in MaGuire’s McGehee. You’re not gonna believe it when you see it, but it just might be the pooner capital of America. Or the southside anyway.

  49. donald says:

    Um, I saw Burt Reynolds once.

  50. donald says:

    Um, I also saw Jon Waters in a bathroom at the Airport also. Not what you think.

  51. Rusty says:

    #5
    Jewbans.

    Best damn sunglasses I ever owned.

  52. psycho... says:

    I also saw Jon Waters in a bathroom

    Those are in every bathroom.

  53. Sean M. says:

    Just tell me you didn’t get them from Rowdy Roddy Piper, Rusty.

  54. Ardsgaine says:

    Um, I also saw Jon Waters in a bathroom at the Airport also. Not what you think.

    How’s his stance?

  55. ironpacker says:

    Well they say politics is show business for ugly people so Saint Cindy may do fairly well.

  56. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Just tell me you didn’t get them from Rowdy Roddy Piper, Rusty.

    Those are the ones that make you see Cindy Sheehan and Cynthia McKinney everywhere, right?

  57. datadave says:

    that’s a memorable story, and a wretched story.

    Oates didn’t do Bob Dylan any favors dedicating it to him. I’ve resented her ever since in her equating a cultural icon with a rapist/serial killer. But she’s a damned fine writer. That story is high on my list too….but sad.

  58. McGehee says:

    It’s all happening in MaGuire’s McGehee. You’re not gonna believe it when you see it, but it just might be the pooner capital of America. Or the southside anyway.

    When I go — and you’ve virtually guaranteed I will — should I tell them you sent me?

  59. CraigC says:

    What, I can’t have the sweet potato pone and the cole slaw?

  60. Sean M. says:

    Those are the ones that make you see Cindy Sheehan and Cynthia McKinney everywhere, right?

    No, they make you see the horrible, evil, skull-faced aliens.

    Oh, wait…

  61. donald says:

    I was at the airport measuring a door. I stepped into the bathroom, up to a stall, and there he was, all 5’2″ of him right next to me. Of course, the only thing I could say was “Fancy meeting you here, I’m a big fan” (And I am). He got a good laugh, and on my way out asked what the tape measure was for. My brush with celebrity. Well also that time I saw Jerry Reed at a bar in the Dallas airport on my way home after leaving the Navy. That was bitchin.

    McGehee, by all means go, and all I’m sayin is, I’ve lived here for 10 years and have never seen any of these people around town. Don’t know if any are porno actresses, but you’ll see quality talent and quality boobs everywhere. Since I’ve only been in there with my wife, I haven’t been able to make myself, uh, well, you know…

  62. donald says:

    By the way, Jerry bought me 2 bloody mary’s, so he’s the man.

  63. BJTexs TW/BP says:

    Every Republican in Pelosi’s district needs to step up to the Ironing board and sign Sheehan’s voter ballot document.

    Umm … all seven of them. Then let the beclowning begin.

    FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT!!

  64. McGehee says:

    I’ve lived here for 10 years and have never seen any of these people around town.

    Now that is interesting. I know there’s some buzz about Maguire’s, but it’s not like it’s the first place ever in the history of the southside to serve booze.

    I may have to do some search-engine querying.

  65. mojo says:

    What’s the over/under in Vegas on Smiffa McKinney totally losing it in Denver and going all Lady MacBeth on Barry O’s oreo ass?

    It’s for a friend. Really.

  66. Smirky McChimp says:

    Can’t figure the over/under, but I’d give odds at 3 to 2.

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