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Percy Sledge Addresses Wafflegate [Dan Collins]

When a man eats a waffle
Can’t keep his mind on nothing else
He’ll trade the world
For the good thing he’s found
If it’s bad he can’t taste it
It cannot smell wrong
Turn his back on reporters
If they thwart him then

When a man eats a waffle
Spend his last second’s time
Tryin’ to scarf down that golden disk
He’d give up all his comfort
Eat out in the rain
If they say that’s the way it got to be

Well, this man ate a waffle
I gave it everything I had
Tryin’ to wolf it down in the diner yeah
Baby, shut the fuck up, please

When a man eats a waffle
It’s like taking a dump
He don’t talk foreign policy
If some guy asks a question
He don’t want to answer then
He don’t want to hear that shit, you see

When a man eats a waffle
Jimmah Carter can be damned
He can’t answer no questions
I know, cuz I’m just another man!

Yes when a man eats a waffle
I know exactly how he feels–
Why can’t you shut your goddam piehole?
‘Cause baby, baby, babe that pang’s so keen!

When a man eats a waffle…..

28 Replies to “Percy Sledge Addresses Wafflegate [Dan Collins]”

  1. Boss429 says:

    Just rename the party again. From Democrats to Democratics to, now, Waffelers. At least that name would be more honest.

  2. twolaneflash says:

    I had the pleasure of seeing Percy Sledge at my frat Spring formal, along with Chuck Jackson, & Ben E. King in the ’60’s. A frat brother’s father owned a jukebox company, and he determined whose records got on the jukes across America that carried their name. We had soul in N.O. till the sun spread its glow. I hope those 3 entertainers got lots of prime juke slots for the gig. You got to have soul, and syrup for your waffle!

  3. twolaneflash says:

    I want my syrup! Tax the rich!

  4. MC says:

    Somehow, I hear Michael Bolton when my inner Jimmah BarryO sings…

    O, When a ma-a-a-n, O,
    O, When a ma-a-a-n, O,
    O, When a ma-a-a-n, O,
    O, When a ma-a-a-n, O,
    O, When a ma-a-a-n, O,
    O, When a ma-a-a-n, O….

  5. happyfeet says:

    You know what I hate? People what will serve you pancakes or waffles and not warm the syrup. I mean, in what world does that make sense? And you wonder but that maybe that’s how they’ve done it their whole lives. I’m not passive about it though, I’m definitely vocal and proactive on the issue.

  6. Dan Collins says:

    I have a Melitta syrup warmer. 45 seconds, warm syrup.

  7. True story: I was once involved with the national charity that Jimmy Carter is the spokes-celebrity for. He attended a work camp, and mingled with admiring volunteers all day. A friend of mine was seated across from Carter at supper. He knew that Carter had been having his ear bent all day, so he just said hello and ate his supper, and Carter ate his. At the end, Carter rose and told him, thank you. Moral: not being able to eat in peace may be the price of entry into the halls of fame and/or power, but it still extracts a price from your composure.

  8. Dan Collins says:

    TSI: Wait. Was it a waffle?

  9. psycho... says:

    From now on, I’ll be disappointed by every song that doesn’t have

    Baby, shut the fuck up, please

    in it. I’ll have to buy more R. Kelly records.

  10. McGehee says:

    People what will serve you pancakes or waffles and not warm the syrup. I mean, in what world does that make sense?

    A world where they put mayonnaise on a burger.

    I once had somebody try to serve me a barbecue sandwich with mayo on it.

  11. happyfeet says:

    I’m on a chipotle mayo kick, but that bbq thinger sounds retarded, and it couldn’t have looked right. Also there’s a new sub place, with for real subs not Subway/Quiznos hepatitis subs. I’ve been kind of working through the menu there.

  12. Dan Collins says:

    Oh, Christ. Look at the threadjacking.

  13. thor says:

    Jack “the waffle” jacker, stop your jacking.

  14. soooooo, guess what we had for dinner. thanks Obama. and everyone that’s been pushing the waffles all day. and happyfeet with the chess pie.

  15. RTO Trainer says:

    It’s a custard thing. The best theory on the name is that it originated in England as “cheese pie” with the meaning of cheese as custard–(yes, Brits can be weird).

    This was a Lemmon Chess Pie. Juice of two lemmons, 3 eggs, cornmeal, flour and a lot of surgar. The texture is a lot like pecan pie fillign without the pecans, but no corn syrup.

    I looked it up and made on after HF brought it up. Because I spend my money, first and foremost on food.

    (I actually meant that food comment originally in the Maslow’s Hierarchy sort of way, but whatever.)

  16. happyfeet says:

    That sounds so good. I looked it up earlier too and found a chocolate chess pie. But we’re still doing that weekly weigh-in thing at work is the problem.

  17. RTO Trainer says:

    McGehee, before you rejcet the mayo/burger combo try this:

    You have to have the right burger–it has to be a juicy, drippy juicy, burger, preferably off a charcoal fire. Put mayonaise on the bottom bun and hit that with fresh ground black pepper. On top of the meat you can put whatever other garnishmetns you like, but NO other condiments. I’m not a mayo fan at all. I tend to buy the small jar and even it gets thrown away half full by the expiration date. I beleive that putting ketchup on a burger is a criminal act, especially if it’s prime beef, so I don’t make this suggestion lightly.

  18. happyfeet says:

    Mayo doesn’t expire ever really. Not for real mayo. A chef person told me that once. Sometimes it kinda separates though is what she said.

  19. RTO Trainer says:

    I don’t care for mayo enough to do the work to put it back together, HF.

  20. Cowboy says:

    I have a Melitta syrup warmer. 45 seconds, warm syrup.

    Elitist.

    You and your syrup warmer make me sick

    …with envy.

  21. happyfeet says:

    Mayonnaise has a pH between 3.8 and 4.6, making it an acidic food. There is a misconception that foods like potato salad can make a person sick if left out in the sun, due to the mayonnaise spoiling. This is false; the pH of mayonnaise prevents harmful bacteria from growing in it. Left out of refrigeration, mayonnaise will develop an unappetizing taste and smell, due to other types of bacteria and molds that can spoil it; but will not make one sick.

    That’s what the wikipedia says. But it also says “Homemade mayonnaise will generally only keep under refrigeration for three to four days.” Maybe they mean before it separates.

  22. Pablo says:

    People actually make their own mayo? I mean, I’m down with the mayo, but I can’t imagine trying to take the production work from the Kraft people.

  23. McGehee says:

    You have to have the right burger–it has to be a juicy, drippy juicy, burger, preferably off a charcoal fire.

    If it’s already juicy and drippy, why do I want to add even more grease — and tasteless grease at that?

    I like the chipotle mayo Red Robin puts under its chili cheeseburger, but if I want to taste pure egg white and nothing else, I’ll eat a nothing meringue pie.

  24. McGehee says:

    It might be worth pointing out here that I have facial hair. Excessive runoff from a burger or any other kind of sandwich — such as when some idiot Hardee’s employee dumps half a jar of mayo on a philly-cheesesteak burger (!!!!????OMGWTFBBQ) — has considerably more downside for me than for some baby-faced Mama’s boy.

  25. alppuccino says:

    has considerably more downside for me than for some baby-faced Mama’s boy.

    Okay. That tears it! I’ll remind you McGehee that hair still does not grow on granite.

  26. McGehee says:

    I didn’t even have to look in his direction…

  27. […] my view, “the fierce urgency of now” could possibly pertain to the Waffle Imperative or the Beer Relief Imperative.  But most of all, considering his refusal to debate any more […]

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