Search






Jeff's Amazon.com Wish List

Archive Calendar

November 2024
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Archives

Akon-traire [Dan Collins]

I am so disillusioned with celebrities, political or otherwise.  It turns out that Hillary Clinton wasn’t dodging bullets in Bosnia?  John Kerry didn’t spend Christmas in Cambodia?  The McCains’ website family recipes are lifted from The Food Network (I mean, this is the guy we’re going to have as Head Chef-in-Chief)?  Ward Churchill’s not a Native American?  And now this?

Akon’s ad nauseum claims about his criminal career and resulting prison time have been, to an overwhelming extent, exaggerated, embellished, or wholly fabricated, an investigation by The Smoking Gun has revealed. Police, court, and corrections records reveal that the entertainer has created a fictionalized backstory that serves as the narrative anchor for his recorded tales of isolation, violence, woe, and regret. Akon has overdubbed his biography with the kind of grit and menace that he apparently believes music consumers desire from their hip-hop stars.

While the performer’s rap sheet does include a half-dozen arrests, Akon has only been convicted of one felony, for gun possession. That 1998 New Jersey case ended with a guilty plea, for which the singer was sentenced to three years probation. Another 1998 bust, this one in suburban Atlanta, has been seized upon by Akon and transformed into the big case that purportedly sent him to prison (thanks to his snitching cohorts) for three fight-filled years. In reality, Akon was arrested for possession of a single stolen BMW and held in the DeKalb County jail for several months before prosecutors dropped all charges against him.

I can’t believe that someone would so cynically take undeserved credit for all that badness.  If you don’t do the crime, you can’t bust the rhyme.

Fakon.

11 Replies to “Akon-traire [Dan Collins]”

  1. McGehee says:

    Next they’ll tell us nishtoon isn’t mentally retarded, and Gleenwald is actually Ron Jeremy.

  2. DarthRove says:

    Gleenwald are actually Ron Jeremy, along with many others as well.

  3. Carin says:

    I haven’t been this disillusioned since the Vanilla Ice kerfuffle.

  4. McGehee says:

    “Is that a case of sockpuppets in your pants, or are you just happy to see me, NTTAWWT?”

  5. Dan Collins says:

    Was that before or after Milli Vanilli?

  6. Carin says:

    Well, as a hard-core rap fan I don’t pay much attention to other kerfuffles.

  7. Another 1998 bust, this one in suburban Atlanta, has been seized upon by Akon and transformed into the big case that purportedly sent him to prison (thanks to his snitching cohorts) for three fight-filled years. In reality, Akon was arrested for possession of a single stolen BMW and held in the DeKalb County jail for several months before prosecutors dropped all charges against him.

    Huh. This happened at a time when Cynthia McKinney was my (non) Representative. One of her more infamous initiatives was a dialog between the “Hiop Hop Community” and the rest of the US. I’d love to know whether the charges got dropped due to an intervention.

    Also, back in 2000, DeKalb County’s sheriff-elect, Derwin Brown, was murdered by Sidney Dorsey, the man he defeated in the election.

    Man! When I look at it with 20/20 hindsight, I live in a pretty dangerous part of America.

  8. Patrick, until you’re down with the 313, you don’t know dangerous.

  9. Jeffersonian says:

    I’m thinking of launching a career in music. Can anyone provide guidance on which felonies will bootstrap me into the biz quickest?

  10. I accept that the 313 is a more dangerous area than the 404. Please don’t shoot.

    As for crimes that bootstrap a music career, well, the bloodier the better. Only, commit them in Atlanta. The DA (Paul Howard) is so incompetent that even a trail of blood leading from a murder scene to your hotel room is not enough to even get you accused.

  11. […] yet a constituent.  It is of a piece with the other jejune means by which Obama cultivated an aura of authenticity, of being both within and without, of being, as it were, a mole in the halls of power, just as he […]

Comments are closed.