I took a “Break Up Quiz” that someone forwarded to me, and when I was done found that Stephen Green had taken it, too. So I messaged him:
Dan Collins
Today at 12:45pm
There weren’t enough passive-aggressive and emotional cruelty options. Made it all seem way too uncomplicated and straightforward.
Stephen Green
Today at 2:16pm
Agreed. I usually found that if you didn’t call for a couple months, she usually got the point.
What also works is going around and nailing her friends.
Wait, you let your women have friends?
s /let/encourage/
‘specially friends she could get in a pillow fight with.
I tried that “nailing her girlfriends” thing and ended up in a–what do they call it, “household of three?”–with her and one of her girlfriends.
Ah, college days.
I think that they call it a “brace.”
I was always good for nailing someone she hates. That way someone else gets to tell her.
Spread the love.
I went steady for my last two years of High School. While we were out shopping rings, S.O. -to -be introduced me to an “old best gal pal” from the cross town high school.
“Old best gal pal” snagged me for the weekend to help move. Didn’t know I was expected and required to move her world, but she’d already made that call. Women have a capacity for cruelty toward their friends that never fails to make me blanch.
Interesting. I’m glad it happened.
Men are bad. Mostly. Don’t tell Dr. H. I said that.
That’s funny, Sarah. I was going to point her towards the thread, later.
That’s what I keep telling my daughters; hopefully, it’ll eventually take.
Forgot to mention Method Three: Mock everything she says.
A word of caution, however. With some women, this technique can take a very long time. With other women, it leads to her having visions of marriage.
Hmmph. With the more desperate ones, a single lunch date can lead to the same thing.
I have found a rodeo fuck to be pretty effective.
I think that they call it a “brace.â€Â
I respectfully disagree. I believe that’s called a “covey.”
Or “a nasty stab wound waiting to happen.”
Oh, shit.
Nishi, I’M ALREADY MARRIED!
MEE TOOZ!!!
Hmm. I really like your message and I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Is it wrong to encourage your daughters to become lesbians? Just askin’ …
Where would you like your copy of “8 Seconds” to go?
Rodeo clowns are pretty effective, too, B Moe.
Not for getting rid of women, though. Steers, mostly.
Personally, I found it easiest just to disappear. Join the Marine Corps. Move to a different city.
I’M ALREADY MARRIED!
That’s not what you told me!
/starting rumors
I had a friend who kept calling and calling and emailing and mailing birthday presents to a guy in college. I could never convince her that when he didn’t respond *once* in over two months, that he was not interested. Same semester, I had another friend whose fiance propositioned a mutual friend; she married him anyway.
So careful, Stephen and Dan – not responding and/or having relations with friends may not get you dumped. You could get just get stalked.
We’re more afraid of our wives, Deon. But thanks.
I had a friend who kept calling and calling and emailing and mailing birthday presents to a guy in college. I could never convince her that when he didn’t respond *once* in over two months, that he was not interested. Same semester, I had another friend whose fiance propositioned a mutual friend; she married him anyway.
I have a friend who has this itchy sore on the end of his johnson. Is there a pill or an unguent that my friend could slather on my friend’s privates to stop the burning hellfire of crotch apocalypse that is raging down in my friend’s naughty bits? My friend needs an answer soon.
I always found that giving her a Dirty Sanchez really drove the message home.
Am I wrong, or did I hear that the guy who played Screech was featured in some nasty pron that featured, no doubt prominently, said Sanchez of the Dirty variety?
Where have you gone, Joe Dimaggio?
Well, that time I mocked everything you said, I woke up with a headache and unable to move my arms or legs.
Can we do that again?
Everyone… BWAHAHAHA! This is a great read all at once.
Alpucchino: Does your friend have the initials “Chris Matthews”?
That would explain a lot.
But what if you DON’T want to drive someone away?
Nail her friends? If you really want to get rid of her, nail her dog. Or her little brother.
Why pull punches?
Oh no. That can leave the impression that you’re just uninhibited with her, and truly able to open up so that she can see the real you, but only with her because you’re soulmates, etc…
Stick with the donkey punch.
For the unforgivable kind of long-lasting, deep-scarring, the Paddington Ambush is can’t-miss.
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