“If elected President, my first order of business will be to do away with the prefix anti-. Because to me, in order to think positively, you have to surround yourself with the trappings of positivityness, in all of its forms. And to surround yourself with the trappings of positivityness — to immerse yourself in its warmth, to feel its reassurance along the finer hairs of your thighs, to really live it like a bomb, as my dear friends the Def Leppard might say — you have first to remove the tattered remains of negativityness that plague Hope’s interstate like so many moldering, bloodcaked possum carcasses.
“– And before anyone raises any objections, do know that ‘antiperspirant’ will of course be exempt from the prefix ban. I mean, I may be an idealist, but I ain’t some kind of crazy man.” — Barack Obama, address to the MLA convention, Chicago, Dec 28.
I had no idea he’d spoken at the Maritime Law Association convention. There must have been dozens of attendees.
That’s it, I’m all in for the O-man.
the scattered carcasses of negativityness that plague hope’s interstate like so many moldering possum remains
Mmmmmm, think I’ll pull over into the median and fire up the grill!
And not only is he Everyman, he’s Everyword, as well!
My Junior Senator, wrong or wrong.
He is going to ban antibiotics! And antics. And anticipation. And antidepressants. And antidotes. And antimacassar. And antipasto. And antiques. And antivivisectionist. That fucker.
Tupac Chopra.
MLA humor!
Dang, but we’ve missed you!
Though a very small part of that was not being able to access the site for the last couple of hours.
He’s bound to say something that’ll obamarang on him.
Gives me a tingly feeling up and doen my leg, or that might have been my leg falling asleep from staying in a ctamped position for too long. Some times it’s tough to tell, I ain’t no Chris Matthews. At least we know he’s clean, articulate and won’t smell bad when he sweats.
Diabolical. An anti-“anti” campaign.
Of course. Simple math: two negatives make a positive.
And isn’t that what Obama is all about? YES WE CAN!
Yeah! Right!
But wait … I want to be an antivivisectionist.
Tupac Chopra.
I realize fawning praise marks one as criminally unhip in this company, but I love that.
I draw the line at “anti-aircraft guns.”
TO THE BARRICADES!!!
This is gonna suck for my father’s sister.
Well, yeah. The Antichrist would make that the first order of business. It’s kind of a duh.
What about antiracism?
Anti-Zionism, like antiperspirants, will get a pass I think.
FOR TEH CONSISTENCY!!1!!
And antibodies. What about them? If he’s against antibodies, then he’s against vaccines. So then he’s anti-vaccine. Except that he can’t be, because of the prefix.
He’s anti-clarity. Can I say that?
I hope he likes Rosalind Russell movies, because if he doesn’t he’s….wait for it…..anti-Mame.
This is gonna suck for my father’s sister.
Hell, she might be your uncle now, dude:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/115397
Directions change in the new world!
No more being anti-gleenwaldian. Anti-gobsmacking. Banned! Anti-loonwaffle? Banned.
Wait. No antifreeze. Not good.
Without antifreeze, no cars. And so no pollution. And so no global warming. Earth is saved.
Obama does what even the lord our God cannot! Amen.
I question the provenance!
If Obama were pandering to the MLA, he wouldn’t have said “positivityness,” but “positivicity.”
wow im so glad jeff writing again.
delicious, lucious, succulent prose.
O is good for inspiriation, if nothing else.
:)
hehe
O is Jeffie’s muse.
Precisely why I suspect it of being apocryphal, psycho…
Positivitude.
Dude.
Does that mean all the movies and books that had “anti” in them will be banned too?
Because I think we should make an exception for Up In Smoke, where Chong’s old man says:
When, boy?
When…are you going to get
your act together?
(Burp)
Gross!
Oh, good God
Almighty me.
I think he’s
the Antichrist.
No cynicism! It’s outlawed in the New Obamanation!
HATER!
jeffie i got a random emailin from a christian youthgroup.
it said O is the Anti-christ u know…its right out of Nostradamus and the leftbehinders.
do u think Mccain and the theocons can use that?
McCain fraternizing with theo-cons? Would those be the Methodist/Presbyterian/Episcopal-type theo-cons, whose idea of creating a God-state on earth is replacing lotto with bingo?
ROFLMAO
McGehee – By the time the general election rolls around, McCain will be a devout evangelical advocating for a theocracy.
well…he doesnt have much choice does he?
he doesnt get the theocons on board he is pretty much toast.
He has more to worry about from people like me who don’t like statist progressives who happen to hold certain conservative opinions.
I always liked Ice Man better than Maverick. And Kelly McGillis seriously got on my nerves.
Yeah well you’ll never say hello to you until you get it on the red line overload.
Ok I don’t really know what that means.
Jeff paints fruit in striking watercolors using effortless strokes on his keyboard. He takes the breath away.
My words, by comparison, are stiff, ackward and wretched, as if I’m keyboarding-off with Mom in the room. He’s so Obamassianic.
HOPE! HOPE! HOPE.
OOPS! I just fainted! Let me clean my diapers, and then I will continue…
OB makes me wish I was twenty two again because he is the candidate of HOPE! ((among some other reasons which are topped by my parents spoiling me rotten, and my having unlimited access to the Pony Club members).
And hope gives me a woody that just won’t quit. Forget the fact that this man is to the left of anybody in the last 1000 years, HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! (Faint, again).
My HOPE is that Uma Thurman will be waiting for me in my bed tonight, even though I would have to think long and hard (Wow! Is that a pun or what?) about what I was supposed to do with that stuff. But/And with OB, all things HOPE-ISH are possible!
Uma! Come to me tonight. Tomorrow, we can frolick with Cesar from Venezuela…
This guy wants to be the leader of the free world and he can’t even get his Def Leppard lyrics right?
I think not.
We’re all just stick figures on Obama’s etch-a-sketch. The funk soul brother is large and in charge.
He’s the Man. Swallowing it can be hard, but, as Gramma said of the spoonful of caster oil, “ya gotta.”
It’s only politics. Besides, Barack’s a street baller, he knows you have fade away to shoot over the top from 20-foot out, but when the game’s on the line in the last seconds – nobody drives the lane for a cheap and easy. He’s good.
Oooooo theocons! We bite!
omg!
O said in the debate he wud have questioned the Schiavo bill on the floor!!!!!!!
/nishi strikes her heart with closed fist in power salute
My life for yours! Command me!
Nishi!
In one post you pro-comment progressing the hopefulness of non-useful ‘non-sentient cell clumps’, as research tools to salve humanity.
here you would sever the Schiavo without taking the time to check for remaining soulfulness.
Given time, your ‘non-sentient cell clumps’ would become, well, soulfull. Because your religion/idea of progressing to earn a soul is bullshit.
You have a soul, you are born with a soul, or you are an animal, like the rest of the earthen biological cell clumps that live and die in short life spans, purposeful only as meals for stronger order consumers. Our separation from those, are souls.
I claim mine.
anti-matter?
We’d see a release of approximately 2 gigatons of TNT on exposure to real matter. Sounds like something we’d want to avoid.
“# Comment by CraigC on 2/26 @ 10:19 pm #
I hope he likes Rosalind Russell movies, because if he doesn’t he’s….wait for it…..anti-Mame.”
I like how people around here remember the Mame.
And people wonder why Obamamania makes me uncomfortable.
Q: After striking your heart with your fist, did you throw your hand up and out, palm open, at a 30-degree angle?
Sounds kind of familiar.
Before Nishi starts wrenching on fresh (possibly soulfull) zygotes, practice on teh ASCR, no?
HE IS RISEN!!
I wake up from an alert at 1:30am (all clear sounded 10 damned minutes later….grrr.) and needed some hopeitudiness. I thought of my state’s junior senator and, lo, I am safe! All that changitivity must have deflected the mortar rounds in flight!
“Of course. Simple math: two negatives make a positive.”
This reminds me of the time the linguistics professor tells his class that in languages such as English, a double negative is a positive, whereas in Russian, a double negative is still a double negative. But in no language, he says, is a double positive a negative – to which a student in the back of the room replies “yeah, right”…
uh, “still a negative” in the above joke. Good to see I haven’t lost my mistyping skillz.
JD: By the time the general election rolls around, McCain will be a devout evangelical advocating for a theocracy.
Just to keep up with Obama?
If one opposes Obama, that makes them anti-anti-anti; that is, pro-anti . . . or is it anti-pro?
Now you’re upping the anti.
J.Peden – Nope, just in the way he is portrayed. It is starting already. His grace period has expired.
I think he’d have been better off to ban “quasi-“. Makes a statement, but leaves a lot of words of useful stuff in play.
Yet another reason I could never vote for the guy.
Or maybe I have no choice. YES WE CAN!
“A monopoly on the means of communication may define a ruling elite more precisely than the celebrated Marxian formula of ‘monopoly in the means of production.’ Since man extends his nervous system though channels of communication like the written word, the telephone, radio, etc., he who controls these media controls part of the nervous system of every member of society. The contents of these media become part of the contents of every individual’s brain.”
— Hagbard Celine, “Never Whistle While You’re Pissing”
BECAUSE OF THE HUNCHBACK!!!
I don’t know about a quasi-ban but how about something like a quasi-ban — a quasi-quasi-ban.
Maybe he could enact a “ban” on “quasi” that isn’t really a ban — a pseudo-quasi-ban.
I am soooooooooooo anti-quasi.
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Wow, if he does away with ‘anti’ he’s no longer the anti-christ, he becomes the christ!
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